Husband weird search history

[Picklingpickles]

My husband has been away for work for a while.

We were fighting alot whilst he was away for various reasons. He was saying I was making him extremely upset, he developed depression, wasn't taking care of himself because of me and our arguments. He felt he was losing me apparently.

when he came back he was extremely distant and differnt with me. This was a few weeks ago. Hes being much more normal with me now and it feels like we're getting more back to normal.

But...when he came home and was acting so strangely I had a little snoop on his iPad. I don't know his phone code so can't check that. It didn't have much on it but it had some of his search history.

I didn't find much but I found a couple of weird things:

A search for "how to say I love you in arabic"
A search for "gorgeous meaning"

He is English...

I asked him about the I love you and he told me he'd sent it to his friend from work who speaks Arabic. I said that's weird. He said they always say I love you..just as banter or something. He said he can show me the message.
I said yes please. He couldn't find it. He tells me he must have thought he sent it but didn't in the end.

I have no other information. He's got locks on everything and I can't check.

I did ask to see his phone in anger and he did pass it to me. I then felt awkward and gave it back.

What are you thinking?
What would you do, if anything?
Do you think this is something?
What is it?!

My gut is confused and keeps changing it's mind.

I think your gut does know or you wouldnt be thinking about this so much. His story doesnt add up. Your gut will know if his reaction was genuine when questioned about it.

Was the rest of his search history pretty random or did those two stand out?

The not sending message is a bit odd but again could happen. Really feel for you because I don't think it's as clear cut as other people are saying.

Him acting off with you is it's own pink flag though.

He has all the signs of being a liar and a cheat.

I’m always a bit amazed at this ‘I think my husband is doing XYZ threads’.

If I think my husband is doing something ‘suspicious’ which thankfully is usually innocuous, I just blurt it out. If I caught sight of his search history, I would just say ‘why are you looking up…?’
Granted I’m impatient and I would be able to live my life hiding all these little suspicions from the person I’m sharing my life with.
It could nothing or it could be a deal breaker but aren’t you better off ripping the plaster off rather than tormenting yourself?

I'd have asked him to text the friend now then saying 'I love you' so you could see from the friends reply if this really is just normal banter between them or not.

Whilst it may be a tad odd, I don't think any of the examples given suggest an affair.

I suspect that’s because you trust your husband to tell the truth, and your “spidey senses” don’t tell you that there’s something very wrong. It can be very hard to actually ask the question that you know/strongly suspect will end your marriage.

Didn't find anything else really.
It didn't go that far back so had been deleted but that doesn't really mean anything. I do that and I'm not up to anything.

I told him that him acting weird was making me suspicious. He said he could see why but he thought we were breaking up and didn't know how to act or feel and was feeling down from it all...

I dis ask him. Straight away after I found it. Because I assumed the worst.
He was very much "for God sake, don't be ridiculous, I sent it to my friend, I'll prove it ect".
The fact he couldn't is what's bothered me mostly.
And how weird he was with me when he was first back. Yes he blames our fights ect but it just felt a very extreme reaction.
I don't know..
There's been no other signs but I've never been worried about him being up to anything before.
It just all felt so dodgy

There's definitely not enough evidence of it.
But I feel suspicious now and that's hard to let go of.

Yeah, this is a really good idea.
Maybe I'll mention this again and ask to see?
See what he says

Only guilty people will be majorly offended

What a load of nonsense. Look at the number of "I caught my husband looking through my phone" threads and see how many women are outraged at the invasion of privacy. Especially those that justify it with "I'm checking if you're cheating". You won't be able to move for cries of LTB!

I don't think it's nonsense.
I really wouldn't care if he went through mine because there's nothing there to worry about. Why would I care.

And he wasn't actually angry I'd been looking through it. He just was annoyed I'd accused him and didn't want me to keep causing fights by finding random things and creating something out of them (his words)

How about being honest with him. Non defensive. Just say look, I am not accusing you of anything at but it has just left me feeling uneasy, I need your reassurance…help me. He is your husband after all….

I think he’s met someone there. It’s really common, in any country, and in Arab speaking countries too. Arab men don’t tell each other I love you, so he’s lying to you, OP.

He and his friend aren't Arab.

I'm really sorry OP, but this is classic adulterer behaviour. The period where you weren't getting on and he turned on you a bit? That's to justify his behaviour to himself. It's textbook stuff.
My other thought is that he might be surprising you with a tattoo! Arabic writing is so beautiful. But I don't think it's that.
Best of luck and hope I'm wrong about the first scenario x

I know, you said DP is English.

But as his friend isn’t Arab either then that make sit even odder.

He’s messaging a woman.

I mean that makes sense but why start an affair with someone you'll never see?

If he’s fallen in love with someone in an Arabic country maybe the person will come to the UK or he might plan to return there, although I think the UK is easier long term.

The searches are suspicious. If you find out he’d had an affair but had used that information as a gentle way of ending it, what would you do?

Do you mean, if he'd ended the affair?

Yeah his friend is english-apparantly he speaks Arabic.
It is weird.
Why would you go to effort to Google that to say I love you to a friend...

Agree. I think you're at the point of no return.

Yes, if he’d ended the affair

If he'd had one or even been messaging someone, I'd leave.