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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To want my glasses back?

1000 replies

FlexibleFi · 17/07/2024 17:59

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

OP posts:
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DavidBeckhamsrightfoot · 17/07/2024 18:02

What a cheeky twat.
I couldn't let this lie.

If you're all still on the WA group I'd tag her and say you want them sent back by the end of the week.

Fuzziduck · 17/07/2024 18:04

Ask for her to produce the receipt? Failing that, if not log with police?
Likely the end of your friendship.

Shinyandnew1 · 17/07/2024 18:05

What a cow!

JC03745 · 17/07/2024 18:05

What is a WA group? Agree, could you ask her to post her receipt?

FOJN · 17/07/2024 18:07

I'd tell her you want them back in pristine condition within the week or you are reporting it to the police. I doubt they would do anything but it might be enough to frighten her into sending them back.

How did Joanne think she could help? You won't be responsible for spoiling memories of a lovely weekend Rachel will because it looks like she's a thief.

The friendship is over so you have nothing to lose.

GrandHighPoohbah · 17/07/2024 18:08

That's really tricky. You know they're yours, but to be fair, I don't keep the receipt for new glasses so it's perfectly plausible for her to say she threw it away. What a brass neck she has!

DollyBelle · 17/07/2024 18:18

One thing I do know OP is that your insurance won’t go up a huge amount because a pair of glasses. I claimed for a watch last year and was really concerned but it’s big claims which hit the most.
Make the claim.
Don’t bother with the police.
Out of all of the posts I have read on here about friends strealing things, this is just horrible.
She sounds a bit pathetic posting herself on FB reading a menu wearing them? Trying to show off.
And obviously choose yourself a new fabulous pair and treat yourself to a trendy glasses chain to match.
I cannot believe anyone would do that and think they could get away with it.
It is not as if she needed them, she was just envious. Glasses are such a personal choice, too, it’s not like it was a fancy hairdryer.
I hope she sits on them and ruins the frame.
And then she can go to bloody Specsavers!

TriciaMcMillan · 17/07/2024 18:20

JC03745 · 17/07/2024 18:05

What is a WA group? Agree, could you ask her to post her receipt?

WhatsApp group

blueberryforest · 17/07/2024 18:22

What a brazen thief! I'd push to get them back, and I wouldn't even worry about souring relations with her, because if she doesn't give them back, I wouldn't want to be around the thief again, anyway. That's simply unacceptable.

FlexibleFi · 17/07/2024 18:26

I've got a horrible feeling that reporting Rachel to the police could blow the friendship group apart and make me look like a complete shit!

Me and Joanne and the other friend have done quite well since university and are now beginning to reap the rewards of our career choices. Rachel is the friend who came from a more challenging background and for whom nothing's gone to plan work-wise. I suspect the others probably think poor Rachel's been an idiot to nick my glasses but I can afford to be kind.

Joanne has said she'll speak to Rachel and ask her to send the glasses back to me. I asked what she'd do if Rachel just said no and she sighed and said 'Well, what can we do? Do we really want to say we'll block her from the group when we all know she's having a hard time?'

I'm trying to be really grown up about it, but it stings. I've lived very carefully for years, never splashed out — and the first time I've bought something a bit special it's been nicked...

OP posts:
GingerStepchild · 17/07/2024 18:27

What a liberty! PMSL at the police comments. I dont think there's much you can do rather than going to her place and threatening violence.

FlexibleFi · 17/07/2024 18:28

She sounds a bit pathetic posting herself on FB reading a menu wearing them?

She didn't post the photo. It was taken by someone else who's also in the WA group (also at college with us but not available to come to the wedding). Joanne spotted the photo and commented and presumably Rachel asked the woman who posted it to remove it.

OP posts:
FUBAR77 · 17/07/2024 18:28

Honestly I’d be appalled if a long term friend had done this to me, really hurt. I’d have to ask to see the receipt as it’s all to coincidental - although I can’t understand her posting evidence of the theft on FB…ultimately I’d step away…

Tartfulodger · 17/07/2024 18:29

Your premium will barely change for a pair of glasses. I’d claim then go after her with every ounce of venom I can muster. No mercy for the dirty thief.

BackOfAsda · 17/07/2024 18:29

Not sure the police would investigate over a pair of bins.

I think your friendship group might be divided anyway over this.

What a Cunty Fucker though. I'm amazed she thought she'd get away with it.

Tartfulodger · 17/07/2024 18:30

FlexibleFi · 17/07/2024 18:28

She sounds a bit pathetic posting herself on FB reading a menu wearing them?

She didn't post the photo. It was taken by someone else who's also in the WA group (also at college with us but not available to come to the wedding). Joanne spotted the photo and commented and presumably Rachel asked the woman who posted it to remove it.

Post it yourself. Nobody can remove it then and if she creates a big fuss about it you’ll know she’s guilty.

WePanickedAtTheDisco · 17/07/2024 18:30

I think the fact she asked someone to remove the photo, shows her guilt. Why would it need to be removed if she has nothing to hide?
I also say ask for a proof of purchase, such as a receipt or screen shot of the purchase on her online banking.
What a cheeky cow.

TyneTeas · 17/07/2024 18:31

Would be interesting to find out who requested the picture was taken down if possible

On the off- chance she did buy a similar pair I don't see why she would have asked for the picture to be removed

Happyinarcon · 17/07/2024 18:31

Is this even real? She stole your prescription glasses and got them changed to her prescription?

FlexibleFi · 17/07/2024 18:32

One thing I do know OP is that your insurance won’t go up a huge amount because a pair of glasses. I claimed for a watch last year and was really concerned but it’s big claims which hit the most.

That's reassuring. My sister claimed for a minor accident recently (she managed to reverse into a stone wall) after 15 years no claims and has been really horrified by what it's done to her motor insurance premium.

OP posts:
Gettingannoyednow · 17/07/2024 18:32

Well, you're not friends. I'd threaten her with the police (usually scares people into behaving) and then block and never ever speak to the thieving cunt again. Not surprised things haven't gone well for her at work if that's how she treats people.

FineFettler · 17/07/2024 18:34

Perhaps Joanne could ask her in the spirit of friendship to clear up all speculation by showing her proof of the purchase?

blueberryforest · 17/07/2024 18:35

The sad truth is that I'd never be able to look at her the same way or trust anything of value around her in future gatherings. If she came clean, apologised, and returned the glasses, I'd try to forgive and forget, but otherwise the friendship is already permanently tainted. Her difficulties are no excuse for theft from a friend. That's just pathetic.

The group probably won't ever be the same again, but it's not of your doing!

YesThatsATurdOnTheRug · 17/07/2024 18:35

Just remember that while it's unlikely, it is possible that you are wrong. I would claim on the insurance and just mentally distance myself from this group member.

She's really thrown a spanner in the works and you'd hope she'd have the awareness to be too busy for the meet ups for the foreseeable!

JurassicClark · 17/07/2024 18:36

Every optician I’ve been to emailed me my receipt and prescription. She’d have the receipt if she actually bought them.

Which she clearly didn’t.

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