To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

But you shouldn't have to claim on your insurance. There will be an excess, you may not be covered if you didn't leave them in a safe. (I had an issue with a handbag I left in a hotel room). And they will expect it reporting to the police.

Id repost the photo to WhatsApp, say you want them back otherwise you have no choice to report it to the police. And if you're friends complain ask if they'd be happy that she had taken £300 out of their handbag. As that is exactly what she has done.

All go out for dinner and nick them back

cheeky cow

People don't keep receipts, but do people pay that much for glasses in cash? She would have a card transaction on her online banking I would think...

Definitely push for a receipt. I k ow you don’t want to rock the boat op but the friendship is dead in the water anyway and you’ve nothing to lose. Unless of course, she can prove that the glasses are hers.

it really is the lowest of the low, stealing from a friend.

Joanne has said she'll speak to Rachel and ask her to send the glasses back to me. I asked what she'd do if Rachel just said no and she sighed and said 'Well, what can we do? Do we really want to say we'll block her from the group when we all know she's having a hard time?'

“I don’t know about you, Joanne, but I don’t usually take holidays with petty thieves.”

The group has been blown up already by Rachel’s stupid theft. It’s going to be horribly awkward in future, with you all sitting there knowing she’d steal from you.

Can you try appealing to her good side? This is your friend, presumably someone you care about and who cares about you. Tell her how hurt you are that after being sensible and pinching pennies for years, the first thing you've bought for yourself as a treat she's stolen and has now lied to you about it. Lay it on thick about how hurt and disappointed you are and see if you can pull on her heartstrings.

If that doesn't work tell the bitch she's got a week to get them back to you or the police will be involved. They likely can't or won't do anything, but it might scare her into giving your stuff back.

I wouldn't be remaining friends with her either way, being skint doesn't entitle you to help yourself to someone else's £300 glasses.

Whatever you do, I think your friendship is on a sticky wicket. If you push it it'll leave a bad feeling in the group. If you don't, you'll resent Rachel (more than you do now anyway)

Only you know how important it is to you.

I wouldn't ask Joanne to intervene on my behalf, but the friendship is over.
I wouldn't have anything further to do with her.
Stealing from friends is really ugly.

Bloody hell, she's awful. She's blatantly thieved your glasses. I would have been weirded out when she started wearing them without asking during your holiday. As others have said, ask Rachel to see the receipt. I'd threaten her about reporting the theft (bluffing obviously, but she's clearly a bit dim, so you never know) and wouldn't give a toss about obliterating the friendship.

I'd push for evidence of her purchase too OP, she should be able to show you the transaction on her online banking even if she's 'lost' the receipt. If she protests/plays the victim I would just keep calmly stating that it's unpleasant for everyone that there is now suspicion so can she please provide the proof and put everyone's minds at rest. Your friendship is already damaged now anyway (because who wants to be friends with someone who steals from them?!) and it's pretty obvious she's not going to be able to prove the glasses are her own (because they're not) so I don't see that you have anything to lose by refusing to back down.

I needed a receipt for the glasses I bought in January and my High Street optician was able to produce one.

Wow she really is a cunt. I think you do need to call her out openly because if you don't it'll bug you forever. Stealing someone's disability aid really is low!

You really shouldn’t claim on your insurance. You would have to lie. That is a crime

Regarding insurance, premiums have gone up horrendously this year so I'd think twice about receiving £200 back for a £300 pair of glasses (if the excess is only £100). It would need reporting to the police because a crime report number would be needed. Theft by "friends" is often excluded.
Before considering this action read the schedule with your policy wording carefully.

Give her one more chance. Ask Joanne to tell her to give them back. If she insists they're hers, ask her for the receipt. The optician will give her a duplicate if she's lost it. If she won't produce a receipt, ask her how much she paid. If she didn't buy them, she won't know what they cost.
Ask her why she got the photo taken down.
If she isn't shamed into returning them, show the screenshot to the others. They deserve to know that their "friend" is a thief, so that they can keep an eye on their belongings if they socialise with her again.

I’d also push her for evidence of payment. Couldn’t you say something along the lines of showing you the receipt as a chance to clear her name?
Failing that I might also threaten the police although wouldn’t go through with that.

She's a thief and a liar and she doesn't seem to care about ruining the friendship group. We've all had hard times but we don't all steal then expect people to let us get away with committing a crime just because we aren't doing as well.
Ask her for proof. Receipt, bank statement, dated glasses prescription. If she can't, say you're going to the police.
She's taking the piss

There is no way that I could carry on as normal if a friend stole from me. Hard time or not, that’s not an excuse! So every time she see someone with something that she likes is she just going to help herself? Why are your other friends enabling her behaviour? Distance yourself OP from this ‘friend’ as she’s no friend to do something like this to you.

Could you.... maybe come up with a ruse.so tell Rachel OK sorry for the mix up but hey what a fantastic coincidence because I'm then going to claim on insurance but don't have proof of purchase for the loss. Any chance she could send the receipt or proof of pur chase so you could use this to show your insurers the price they are and that u brought them to successfully claim the loss.

Admittedly that's u pretending to do a fraud....or maybe say insurers have asked for proof of purchase, but their claims people have said the link they've found is a sale price and you want to show at the time they were retailing for x amount so please can she share the proof of purchase to help prove to insurers they're worth more etc.

This! The friendship would be entirely over for me, I trust my friends and I certainly couldn’t trust her! I can’t believe the front of her. I suppose there’s a (vanishingly small!!) chance that she did indeed buy them herself but that would be very quickly cleared up by sending on a screenshot of a receipt or order confirmation. It’s not just that it’s dishonest and light-fingered, I’d be really upset that I was pleased with something special that I’d bought myself and she knew that and shit on it by nicking them. I absolutely do not care how hard up you are, you don’t steal from your mates, or anyone else for that matter!

Hopefully it will muck her eyes up using someone else’s prescription - even if it is mild - silly woman 🙄

Your mutual friend needs to tell the thief that either she's lying about her financial struggles to afford £300 on glasses or lying about taking them home and does she really think you are so well off you can afford to spend another £300 to replace them.

Did you tell her how much they cost?

I am furious on your behalf. She is a scummy thief.
I would ask to see the receipt too. You would keep the receipt for a £300 purchase for a while in case they broke so if she says she doesn't have it, that would be highly suss to me.
Also getting the fb picture removed is not the behaviour of someone with nothing to hide. Either way, the friendship would be over for me. I couldn't remain friends with someone who stole from me.

Don’t leave this! What a cheeky cow! It doesn’t matter if she’s had a bit of financial hardship - that doesn’t entitle her to steal other people’s things! I’d tell her that if the glasses aren’t returned to you undamaged in person or by recorded delivery (because else she’ll say the Mail lost them) by X date (give her 3 or 4 days), then you’ll be contacting the police. If she then says they’re hers, then just tell her she can show her receipt to the police then.

She’s not your friend and I’d make sure the rest of the friend group know what she’s done.

You'll never be friends again, so demand then back or proof of purchase.