To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

Just don't make a spectacle of yourself.

Even if the receipt is lost, there'll be an entry on her credit card/bank statement showing a payment of a few hundred to an optician between the date of the holiday and now, which may not be definitive court of law proof, but pretty good to support her claim that she actually bought her own pair.

If she did buy them then she can contact the optician and they would give her another copy of the receipt. I do think it's important to follow this up or none of you will ever trust her again.

If the assumption is your friend is a thief how the hell do you trust her going forward? You were going to now suspect her if anything goes missing and it makes the friendship untenable in my opinion.

Could you ever go on holiday with her again knowing she stole from you? It sounds like your friendship group won't be the same again no matter what happens.

In case you don’t get your glasses back, I’ve had really good experience buying prescription glasses online, your prescription will have all the info you need and it can be a lot cheaper. Might be cheaper than your insurance excess.

You shouldn’t have to, but if she continues to claim they are hers there is not much you can do. I can’t see the group surviving this though.

I'm sure things will be sclera in the morning.😁

You can’t stay friends with her after this can you? What is she going to steal next, your phone? Your work laptop? Go into your room and take your jewelry? Take your credit cards out of your handbag and use them while you are in the bathroom?

You can’t ever trust her again. The friendship is over.

As someone else said ask Joanne if she would be continuing a friendship if 300 quid had gone from her bag? Which is effectively what has happened. What will this do to the friendship group? Clearly things will never be the same for you and this woman. Do you always meet all together? You could find yourself excluded going forward which would add insult to injury, but would you really enjoy any getaway that included this thief?

Is there any way you or a friend go go to her place and nick them back? I had a friend who borrowed books that she then denied were mine and on another occasion a casserole dish. I took them when she was out of the room and went home with them. She didn't have a leg to stand on asking for them back

exactly, why would she ask someone to take it down if she had bought a pair herself, she'd have nothing to hide?

I think asking to post a receipt is pointless unless you're prepared to take it further because it's the worst of both worlds - it will make it obvious you think she's lying so will ruin the friendship but also she will just say she's lost the receipt and paid with case, which you can't disprove, so won't be any use to you.

Although tbh given you all rarely meet up anyway, I would probably think it was worth losing her friendship - would you really enjoy the WA group as much if every time you saw her name you grit your teeth and got annoyed? Would the tone even be the same given that most of the group seem to believe that she's stolen them? I'd be tempted to agree with Joanne to say something if she's volunteering to, and then if no luck go balls to the wall and message her saying 'unless you can supply me with proof you bought them by tomorrow I'm going to the police.'

If she honestly has bought them she will be able to show you something - it would be very rare to pay by cash for such a large amount these days, so it could be her bank statement for £300 at asda between your holiday and last sunday. Or she could contact asda opticians and say she lost her receipt and needs it for insurance purposes and they would be able to give her something. It's not like you just buy glasses at the till, they also have records for when they send the frames away to get the right prescription fitted etc.

I think your other friends are being a bit harsh suggesting you do nothing because you all feel sorry for her - £300 is a lot of money! Imagine if she'd stolen a pair of shoes from a kindle from each of you, which would be roughly the same amount - I doubt they'd be letting it go then!

I wouldn’t worry about claiming on your insurance OP, I’ve had to make claims and it didn’t affect my premiums. Motor insurance is a bit different, home insurance is a lot kinder.

Personally I would want my glasses back on principle. Would Joanne be prepared to steal them back for you? She doesn’t need to be subtle, she could just grab them. She can make a joke of it, refuse to hand them back until you’ve had chance to check they’re not yours.

I think Rachel has probably painted herself into a corner having lied about buying a similar pair. She might regret having them but now has to style it out. Joanne might be doing her a favour by intervening.

Optician here - prescription glasses are medical devices and the transaction forms part of a medical record. Any high street optician should be able to re-issue receipts for prescription glasses even years after purchase. If your friend has actually purchased the same/similar glasses she should have no problem showing you a receipt.

There's no way the thief didn't steal OP's glasses.

1. She's apparently having financial problems at the moment and has never been particularly flush with cash, and these are expensive designer frames.
2. She's the one who make a fuss over how much the glasses cost when OP showed them off.
3. She claimed at that time that they were close to her own prescription.
4. She repeatedly 'borrowed' them from OP on the holiday (without asking).
5. She (probably) had the photo of her wearing identical frames removed from FB, out of guilt or fear of being discovered, most likely.

I mean, anything's possible, but I'd feel safe in assuming the obvious.

Yeah, I AM terrible for losing/breaking glasses so I have bought a LOT in my life (like 3 pairs per year but granted usually the cheapest I can find as I know they will get lost/broken) and I have never bought glasses and not had an e-receipt even going back like 15 years.

If you bought a pair it easy to prove and even if you somehow deleted the receipt it would be on your bank statement (no one is ordering prescription glasses in cash).

I feel your pain, I lost my reading/computer glasses in January and haven’t been able to afford tor replace them yet. Just a thought, does Joanne know how much they cost? (If she doesn’t wear glasses or has never gone further than specsavers she may not realise just what a valuable item they are).

Just message her saying “prove they’re yours and I’ll drop it”

OR

Tell her there’s a serial code on the frame which matches the box yours came in and to send you it, you’ll know from her reaction to that if she’s lying.

There should still be proof on her bank account, or in the unlikely chance she paid cash the store will have a record of the transaction. What scum, report the cow to the police.

I agree. We had an old friend who took one of our cds. We knew it was ours because of a crack in the cover. But they said it was theirs, and what a coincidence it had a crack in the exact same place. It tarnished our friendship, and a friend stealing something of much more money would do so even more.

I would ask her where she got them from, and a copy of the receipt which she should have as she has only recently bought them. That would be the only way I would concede she was telling the truth.

Surely you just say that you are going to need her to return your glasses immediately or you will need to file
a report with the police?

Having a hard time doesn't make it ok to steal from your friends. There's just no justification for this. I would not even hesitate to block her from the group after this. I wouldn't care what a hard time she's having, in fact I'd be wondering how much agency she had in her own misfortune if she treats her friends this shabby.

I can see what you did there 😜

Rachel asked it to be removed because she was guilty.