To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

What a cheeky cow!

But if you accuse her of theft and she denies it where does that leave things? She continues to deny it, you look like you are unhinged. However you can't ever just ignore it anymore.

Only solution is steal them back!! Or Post the photo and say is there any way that she got them mixed up, could she double check. Tell her you are claiming for your own glasses for insurance and would like to pass the photo to the police and insurers as you have none of them yourself. If she has half a brain in her head she will pretend they got mixed up and she had two at home, hers and yours, without realising. That will be the end of it except you will never trust her again.

Your premium won’t change as much as the cost of replacing them… if at all.

Let other friend have another go at addressing it, then claim. If not too late.

Surely the friendship is over now anyway?

I would just contact her, say you know she took them and want them returned. Then I'd cut her off.

I wouldn't be too worried about what your mutual friends say. Anyone who takes her side isn't your friend.

What an absolute thieving bitch. Get your friend to go over and take them back when sha is not watching. This is a hill I would die on.

Give her 24 hours to return them.and then report the theft to the police

If she refuses to give them back, log it as a theft with 101, describe what happened, tell them about your suspicions as to who stole them based on the photo, claim on your insurance. I would consider the friendship over. If Joanne won't support you, you know where you stand with her too.

Your friendship is never going to be the same. And the actions of the other women will change how you see them too. It is unfortunate because I understand their desire not to rock the boat or change the friendship group but by doing that, they are effectively saying it’s ok. And it’s not.

I’d ask Joanne to intervene with a Rachel but also try to give Rachel a way to save face. I’d send out a general email or WhatsApp to everyone to say -

Those glasses cost £300 and were the first treat I bought myself so I am devastated about this. I also can’t easily afford to replace them. I’ve been told by MumsNet that I have to report it to the police to get a reference number for my insurance company and even then I won’t get the full amount back and my premiums will go up.
All three of you tried them on at some point over the weekend so can I please ask you to check your bags and suitcases again in case they were inadvertently tucked away somewhere? Happy to pay a finders fee and postage if you have got them. And if you haven’t, then please don’t worry if the police contact you to check.

Then I’d forget about the finders fee and ask Joanne to push Rachel to check again because it would have been so easy to misplace them.

Good luck.

Well, she has already blown your friendship group apart, hasn't she? I wouldn't want to know someone who stole anything from me and £300 isn't a small amount. Can you arrange to bump into her and ask for them back? And yes, I'd put that screenshot you have on the FB page.

Isn't anyone seeing her soon?

Can't they just take them back for you?

There is a line between letting some things slide because you are being kind, and being taken advantage of when someone is a brass-necked knobhead and is relying on you to back down because it will cause too much fuss in a friendship group. Stealing a £300 pair of glasses falls into the latter category. I would let Joanne tell her that you are reporting it to the police. You surely can't continue the friendship with this person anyway? And calling out thieving isn't blowing up a friendship group. Stealing from a friend is blowing up a friendship group.

I would give her a week to return them or you are filing a police report.

Don't bother entertaining the 'show me proof of purchase' and giving that lie any air time.

I can't stand thieves so I'd report and anyone who sided with someone who stole from me was never my friend.

If she'd bought them she'd be able to get a copy of the receipt from specsavers, they'll have a record of the purchase and making up the lenses.

its never going to be same anyway is it

why would she ask for pic to be remmoved if she hasnt niccked them?

your friends shoulnt side with someone beause theyre poor shes a thief

I'd write the glasses off, claim on the insurance and completely blank Thieving Rachel on the Whatsapp group. Any posts from her I'd utterly ignore.

I'd make it clear to Joanne that I would not be interested in lunch, weekends away or any other contact with someone who had stolen from me. The friendship was utterly over and Rachel could get stuffed.

What kind of person steals from a friend? I don't care how tough life is.

That is such a strange thing to do. I’m an optician - they’re made to measure in so many ways, it’s extremely unlikely that you have the exact same prescription in each eye and the same eye measurements. So they’ll likely adversely affect her eyes!

They have the same prescription or close enough according to OP

You know she stole your glasses, so you need to decide whether you will
a. Suck it up and forget about it for the sake of the group
b. keep chasing her for them. It's unlikely that this will work, as she's made up a covering lie and will not want to admit to both bad choices.
c. Call the police, but you have no proof
d. Get her out of the group
e. Get yourself out of the group

All options apart from C, mean that you are effectively "gifting" her the glasses, so if you then claim against your insurance, this will be fraudulent and you will also be dishonest/a thief.

I would just leave it. She must have some major issues to do this to you. She's clearly not right in the head.

Ah, gutted for you OP. Not just for the loss of the glasses but it must be really unsettling to have a friend steal from you. You wouldn’t be able to trust her ever again, what else would she help herself to? With that in mind, I’d issue the ultimatum that she either returns them or you’ll be reporting it to the police (even if you’re bluffing).

I would push to get them back. That she has had a difficult life/not done as well as an adult doesnt mean shes at liberty to nick other peoples stuff or take advantage. It may well ruin a friendship but is she really a friend if shes willing to knowingly help herself to someone elses stuff. Even whilst you were away she was "borrowing" them without asking which is something Id never do.

@FlexibleFi if you’re sure she took them how could you ever trust her? It’s not the money, it is the act of depriving you of something you worked hard to buy. Stealing ‘full stop’, never mind from a friend. And I bet the others in the group would feel differently if it was their glasses …

Sod all the ‘be kind, claim on your insurance’ past posts.
The woman is a thief, end of.
Tell her straight that you want them back by the end of the week.

If someone stole my £300 glasses I’m not sure I’d give a shit about bowing up the group tbh.

You’ll need the police report when you claim on insurance.

I’ve ended friendships over money before.

She stole from you OP.