To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

I’m sorry you’ve experienced this, it’s such a violation to have a friend steal from you.

I had a housemate who stole jewellery, clothes and other items. Other housemates were, I think, uncomfortable confronting her, said housemate was also experiencing financial hardship and there was sympathy from others about that (and I think she had stolen more from me than anyone else). I ended up feeling unreasonable for being pissed off and telling her to return my stuff and stay out of my room!

It all ended up being brushed under the carpet, I never got back some sentimental jewellery, and we certainly didn’t stay in touch after we moved out.

It’s difficult, but your other friends (Joanne) have already indicated they would be prepared to move on quickly for the sake of harmony.

Jesus. This woman stole from
you and your worried about blowing up the friendship group?! It’s her thieving nasty ways that have done that. How can any of you trust her ever again. I would be calling it out blatantly that she is a thief and never see her again. Why are you tip toeing around this ? I bet she has stolen from you all before, money or small things, this won’t be the first time.

I would be asking for proof that they are hers in the form of a receipt. We recently asked Ds's optician what his original prescription was and they could go back years on their system.

I would be telling her that you believe they are your glasses, you have proof of your prescription and to claim on your insurance you need a police incident number and so you will be reporting her to the police for taking the glasses.

I couldn't continue a friendship with someone who stole from me or didn't go out of their way to prove with a prescription and receipt that those identical glasses were indeed hers. Amazing she managed to find the exact pair. Ds gets new glasses every year and every year the frames change in style etc so he struggles to get the same ones.

I would ask Joanne to tell thief that she has made it weird now for everyone and she needs to return the glasses.

Stealing from someone in the friendship group is despicable, I don’t care how skint she is. Also, they are designer glasses, not baby milk or tampons.

I’d tell her that while you feel uncomfortable having to raise this, there are some remarkable coincidences: the fact that she loved them and kept taking them to use; her being there at the location and the time of their disappearance; the photo she didn’t think you’d see of her wearing the same pair; and the swift removal of that photo. In fact, the coincidences are so numerous that others have commented on it as it certainly does look like she has stolen them. And obviously she’d will want to clear that doubt, so could she show you a receipt for them? If she doesn’t, tell her that you’ll need to inform the police as it looks unmistakably like theft and since you’ve given her ample opportunity to either prove it or return them, you have no other option.

What if you’re wrong and she hasn’t stolen them? Seems there is some fairly heavy duty jumping to conclusions going on here. You can get really nice design of frames, secondhand on eBay, really cheap. Then you can get the prescriptions filled by online sites, also very cheap. So, she could have sorted it for £40 and you could also do the same if you’re lucky

'A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.'

That alone is bang out of order and I would have pulled her up the first time as well as making sure I didn't leave them laying around.

However, she is a thief. Like you, I don't believe she bought her own pair and I would demand she gives them back. You can break her will and say you won't give up and will let everyone know she is a thief but if she posts them back now then you won't say another word.

Your friends need to take sides imo. The lying thief or you.

You'd think she'd clarify though wouldn't you?

Idk.

She was using Op's glasses, they are now missing & she now has a pair the same.

Is it really a big leap?

This!

There’s not much you can do if she won’t, but I’d be civil at best to her from now on if a so called friend is lying like this. Totally out of order

She’s a thief. I couldn’t continue a friendship with someone who would steal from a friend. No way.

I would send her a message to say something like

"hi, I'm really sad that I've lost my glasses as I loved them and I had treated myself after saving up. If you accidentally picked them up but got a bit embarrassed at forgetting to return them, I would still appreciate getting them back.

If I'm honest, I still feel like you picked them up and it's hard to move on. I really value our long friendship so if I'm wrong and you did buy an identical pair can you send me the receipt or your bank statement so I can accept this. Obviously I will be sorry, accept I'm wrong and will apologize.

You need to call her out on it but hopefully by giving her an easy excuse she will send them back. For me the friendship is ruined already if you think she stole your glasses.

Just playing devils advocate, if she is telling the truth and is threatened with police/publicily humiliated/ told to produce a receipt that’s pretty hideous.
maybe she thinks people wouldn’t think she was so stupid as to say she likes them and then steal them?
I think you have to be part of the friendship to decide which it is, but accusing someone is stealing is very very strong. And the evidence here is flimsy. I think you have to let this one go, but you could always leave some cash around and see if she takes it next time you’re hanging out 😂

If I'd be accused I wouldn't delete the photo. I'd send over evidence that I'd paid for them immediately be that a receipt, proof from a bank statement or email conformation of the order. I'd be really concerned that I'd be seen as a thief and would want to clear my name as soon as possible.

Please update us, OP, if you do challenge her further (or Joanne does). I’m incensed on your behalf.

Blimey, I’d assume my friends would believe me. I mean obviously if they pushed it I would produce evidence, but I would feel absolutely degraded and it would be the end of the friendship. I guess it depends on the vibe of the group but it sounds pretty bleak to me . I’m not saying she hasn’t done it, I just think she might be telling the truth and may not presume that people disbelieve her

Where did you buy them from
most places only take card ( although Specsavers did take cash a year or so ago when I replaced my glasses)
so she should have the receipt

Tell her she should have one to Specsavers herself.

Ask Joanne to point out that as they are not up her prescription they could very well affect her vision. Cause headaches and eye strain.

If the glasses are hers she'll definitely have the ability to get a receipt even if she's mislaid her original copy.

I used to work in an opticians and we'd have them on file for years

Let it go or get them back. I don't understand how you think you'd mar the memory of the weekend. Clearly the other woman is the nut.

Yes it would be terrible if she didn't steal them, but let's be honest you'd show the proof to prove your innocence and shame them for accusing you

The opticians will have a record of the purchase

It's probably too late to get them back. She'll dig her heels in, in protest and say you're the one lying.

If someone had been latching onto my glasses over a weekend I think I might have put them away as I really can't stand people touching and using my stuff if they haven't asked. It gives me the ick and something animal kicks in. If I was a cat I'd probably hiss LOL.

But of course you never thought she'd go so far as to nick them.

Some people are plain odd.

Is it worth breaking up the friendship group for £300? I couldn't go near the person after something like that.

But it's sad she thinks she can help herself to something of yours. Why do people steal? I've seen it before.

it's like they think the rules don't apply to them. Such odd behaviour and so divisive.

She will no doubt remove herself from the group and block you if you insist on proof of purchase or threaten police, but at least you will know that a) she stole them and b) you tried.

And if your other friends object ask how they would feel if she stole £300 from their bank accounts because that is effectively what she has done to you.