To want my glasses back?

[FlexibleFi]

More of a WWYD than an AIBU.

I went to a wedding June. I and three other friends from university days (14 years since we graduated) were invited and booked an AirBnB for a long weekend. We don't see a lot of each other but we have a WA group and message every few weeks. It was a lovely opportunity to catch up.

After years of being really hard up, I had a significant job change this year and for the first time splashed out on a few special things — including a rather fancy pair of designer glasses instead of Specsavers basics. The glasses are for reading and computer work, I don't need them for ordinary things. They're quite a mild prescription. All three friends at the AirBnB tried my posh spex on. One, I'll call her Rachel, commented that we must have the same prescription because she could read perfectly with them. She joshed me for spending so much money on them. A couple of times over the weekend, when I'd left them sitting by my phone or book, she'd borrow them to read something without asking.

We had a great busy and boozy weekend and when I got home I couldn't find my glasses anywhere, so I messaged the group to ask if anyone had picked them up accidentally. All said no. I messaged the AirBnB owner to ask if they'd been left there. No. Searched the car, searched everywhere. No sign of them. I'm not someone who often loses things.

Then this Sunday Joanne, one of the others in the wedding group sent a screenshot from FB of Rachel reading a menu in a restaurant while wearing a pair of glasses that look just like mine. Joanne commented 'Well now we know where Fi's glasses went, LOL' on FB. By the time I managed to get onto FB (ancient account I rarely check) the image had gone — but I had the screenshot.

I messaged Rachel, sent her the screenshot and said it looked as if she'd found my glasses, could she post them back to me please. She's replied saying they're her glasses: she liked them so much that she's bought a pair exactly like mine. I don't believe it and neither does Joanne. Rachel's recently split from her long-term partner and she talked a lot while we were away of how difficult she's finding things financially at the moment.

They were £300. I could claim on travel insurance (I have annual travel insurance) or on my household contents, but then I'll have to pay more for premiums for the next few years.

Joanne has said she'll get involved if necessary but I don't want to ruin memories of a lovely weekend. I can't immediately afford to replace the spex with the same (I have a holiday booked and that will eat up my budget for the next month or two) so I'll have to order a pair of cheap prescription readers on the internet. WWYD?

Glad you got them back OP, but Rachel did say she liked yours so much she BOUGHT a pair herself, so she is a liar as well as a thief. It makes it quite difficult to do FFS Rachel as though she’s a silly billy

Thanks for the update - keep her at arms length in future!

I have been throughly invested and love it when the op comes back with the conclusion.

Thank You @FlexibleFi - and so glad you got them back 😁

It's one thing having emotional intelligence but remaining friends with someone who steals from you, lies you, drags everyone else into it when she slips up and gaslights you and even continues lying and gaslighting when she finally gives your property back makes you look like a pushover and let's her off the hook 'spec' tacularly. I forgave a so called friend for stealing from me twice but they didn't remain a friend because I could never trust them again. How you would ever be anywhere near her again is beyond me.

Wouldn't Rachel have a receipt on her phone, bank app

The police could ask her to show her bank statement where she "paid for them" if she has supposedly lost the receipt. You could report it if you wanted to.

I personally would just have nothing else to do with her going forward.

I needed this closure 😅
thank you!!!

Do you have an excess on your policy? That would mean you wouldn’t receive the full £300.

As for asking for the receipt - she’d just say she threw it away and if you mentioned the debit being on a statement she’ll say she paid cash because if she’s a thief (and I think she is) she will also be a liar.

I’d see your friends point about letting her off because she’s having a hard time if she was taking a long time to repay a loan or deliberately skipping her round at a bar, but this is beyond that. I don’t think I could ever be in a room with her again and as I was the one who’d been stolen from and lied to I would expect my friends to support that.

I agree and it would have cost OP another £300 to replace them if she wanted to avoid insurance shermozzle so her ‘friend’ would have happily seen her £600 out of pocket - perhaps that was an added bonus to punish OP for ‘flaunting’ her wealth (and incredible taste!)

Backtracking, I think the police would have to be seen to be involved in this, as when shops are targeted anything under £200 is written off - implying a £300 theft would not be, especially as OP knew the perpetrator, had witnesses to the run up and subsequent behaviour and it could easily be solved with the online banking statement etc.

Also - I’m DELIGHTED at the very positive outcome OP, and of your friend (J)’s sterling work in sorting the whole mess out. It sounded like the group tactic worked very effectively!

Just remember that you did not do anything to negatively impact the dynamic of your friendship group, Rachel did. It’s a bit like blaming a beaten wife for ruining family get-togethers by leaving her abusive husband.

You did not ask her to steal your glasses. She chose to take them from you. She didn’t even have the decency to keep them to herself for home-use only. Her excuse of being drunk when you called her out doesn’t excuse her choosing to flaunt them at the next social opportunity. She has no moral compass. Again, you didn’t choose to implode your friendship group OP, she did when she chose to steal from one of you and lie to everybody else. It was all her choice.

I only happened upon this thread today and am so glad I did - what an excellent outcome, which is severely lacking on this forum generally.

Wishing you well in your reunited spex! 💜

Or when you're around Rachel!

Something would be on her bank statement still but she doesn't have to show you does she?

Oh I love a happy ending. But why didn't she just message you to say that she had them. Obviously, she intended on keeping them 🤦 stupid woman!!

Some people are just arseholes.

Yay!

This has made me unaccountably happy. I hope Rachel has learnt a bit of a lesson. Your other friend Joanne has shown herself to be a true friend - it must have been awks to challenge Rachel like that.

I can understand not wanting to drop Rachel completely in future but I'd be stronger about her shenanigans in not paying for stuff etc.

Incidentally I think I love @WigglyVonWaggly .

I'd find it very difficult maintaining a friendship after such a breach of trust. Best wishes navigating this one. I guess arms length, not in your house, not holidaying together?

Plot twist - it turns out Joanne stole them and sold them to Rachel, then had an attack of guilt and stole them back "oh just don't say anything to Rachel, she's sorry!" MEANWHILE Rachel is now looking for her glasses and is about to start her own thread...

Be careful, you are accusing her of theft!

She did steal them and admitted it. See OP's updates.

Well, hats off to you, OP. I could never remain friends with a piss-taking, lying thief.

I think all this does is harm the integrity of the group by showing Rachel that she can even lie and steal from her lifelong friends with no real consequence.

(I'll see myself out now)

Do you need to steal borrow a pair of glasses for that?

Poor@DestructoCat must be feeling bad today.

Been waiting for an update on these! Hurrah for the return of your specs, OP! Boo for Rachel, the shitty tea-leaf.

Well done to your pals for following this up. I agree to take the higher ground to maintain the friendship group. SpexStealer may find no one wants to share with her next time in case their things end up in her luggage! You can reserve the new ones as spares

I feel sorry for all the actual Rachels out there whose name has been tarnished by this person and the pseudonym used to hide her true identity.