In laws invited his ex over while we are here

[Thatsmybunnysir]

So I'll start with the context, my DH and I have been together for 6 years, married 2 and we have a 15 month old baby boy. We are very happy and I feel secure in our relationship.
Before me, he was in a 2.5 year long relationship, he was young as was she and they broke up 2 years before we got together. He was honest about the nature of the break up, he didn't cheat but he did treat her terribly, break up with her and sleep with her best friend in the same 48 hours!
They became friends after about 6 months but they don't talk or meet up, no wedding invites (she has also since married and had a baby). He follows her on instagram, comments occasionally etc.
I've known all along his parents still talk to her. I thought it was odd but I think she became a bit of daughter to them. They see her when they are in London and when she is in there area she pops in.

Well we are currently visiting in-laws for the week, and going to a wedding in the area at the weekend. Today I was in the garden playing with DS when I hear "OMG I didn't know you were here!", what do I realise his ex, her DH and DD are in the front room, with flowers and a Fortnum's hamper for in-laws (was their anniversary recently).

They stayed for about 2.5 hours, I thought maybe it was random and they were just in the area. DS and their DD played then DH suggested they both nap in DS' cot - I don't know why but this made me uncomfortable. I don't want my DS napping with DHs exes child!
They were all just chatting away and it seemed her DH was more comfortable and ok with it all than I was. Turns out they are in the area for the same wedding and in laws have now planned dinner for us all on Thursday night. She was lovely and seems happy with her partner but I'm sort of jealous of her, she's a lot more attractive than I am, I knew this but seeing her made it real (she had no make up on wasn't dressed up and was still gorgeous!).

After they left In laws apologised saying they forget they had invited her over today and we don't have to go to dinner if we don't want to. DH said no it's fine he wants to go! I don't!! She's his ex it's uncomfortable.

AIBU to be really pissed off with in laws and DH? It's fucking weird right? I won't be going to dinner on Thursday, nor will DS. DH has said it's fine but he wants to go!
I'm tempted to say DS and I will just go home, I don't know the couple getting married and would rather not spend my annual leave with his ex!

If I had made arrangements to see sooner I don't check the night before or the morning of that it is still OK.

I ama still in touch with my son's 6th form girlfriend because she was pretty much in my house for 2 whole years and they split on good terms. Fortunately so far none of his subsequent partners have an issue (that I am aware of anyway) with this and they seem friendly with her too.

I suspect it was a shock and I also suspect MIL didn't forget but didn't really realise it would be an issue so don't make it one now otherwise you will be the one coming across as jealous and insecure.

I think you are being extremely childish here.

I wouldn't be going for dinner , it would be weird and uncomfortable

It’s not childish. She is uncomfortable, she is uncomfortable… that’s her feelings.

You think she's better than you. Your DH doesn't, he married you, not her. Don't start a fight where there doesn't need to be one.

Sorry op you ott re this

Oh yeah... a massive over reaction the rest of us are all dying to go to dinner with our husbands ex 🙄

I wouldn't have messaged ahead to confirm if a meet up had already been arranged

It all sounds harmless and very grown up, that everyone can just get along.

@Thatsmybunnysir

I'd probably feel differently if she was less attractive/had an obvious flaw but thats not the case. It's hard seeing someone your DH was with when they are "better" than you.

You do realise how you're coming over with this kind of stuff?

They were together years ago by the sounds of it. Why shouldn't his parents be friends with her and it sounds as though she's back in the area to attend the same wedding?

OP if you take your DC and flounce off, you're going to look ridiculous

My son has a child with 2 different exes I have a good relationship with both mums, in fact I was out at soft play and having lunch with one of them plus grandchild at the weekend. She’s asked for practical help with my grandchild’s birthday as she doesn’t drive, we’re happy to help. They both ask us occasionally to have our grandchildren to stay over at ours, on “ their” time. We had our oldest grandchild to stay when their mum was in hospital, my son had just started a new job and couldn’t manage it. One of his exes has a child with a new partner I buy this child a wee Christmas and birthday gift. I don’t see anything wrong in keeping in touch with them my son knows I do, I probably wouldn’t throw them together in my house unexpectedly but it wouldn’t be a major disaster if it happened. My son has a lovely new partner who doesn’t have a problem with his exes she’s a confident, intelligent young woman who knows my son is lucky to have her, I like her a lot.

I find it strange she is ok seeing her ex who treated her so badly. If I was her I'd never want to see the lot of them again, even if his parents are nice

My husband says he's fine with it and certainly appears fine and chats away happily with my ex. Perhaps he's pretty easy going! But I think he is secure that he is my choice and the person I'm closest to.

I wonder how her husband feels about it?

This. Massive over reaction.

He seemed fine, he and DHs dad were talking golf and he was playing on the floor with his DD and DS for a bit. Seemed very secure and comfortable, even chatted away to DH for a good 20 minutes about the football. He seems very secure!

And why wouldn't he be secure? Is he supposed to beat his chest and offer to fight your DH or something 😂

This really.

Plus it's not like the ex dumped him and he was heartbroken and wanted her back. He openly admitted to treating her badly.

I think it's odd ILs have planned dinner for you all tbh.

If they want dinner with her & her husband-fine but why involve you?

Your husband isn't in contact with her-why is he so keen to go?

Gently I think you are over reacting. I understand you're feeling insecure although it sounds as if you have no reason to be and it's yourself making you feel this way. Go to the meal and get to know her you'll likely find yourself enjoying the company of another mum given you've young children in common so you've at least a conversation starter.

Why should she have to make an effort with someone who she doesn't want in her life? The op is not interested in being friends with her, and I'm sure she doesn't want to use her annual leave to socialise with her. If her husband wants to maintain a distant friendship, that's fine. It's totally unreasonable for her husband and his parents to unilaterally decide the op has to befriend this woman. This whole scenario is just ridiculous.

YANBU x

I find the childish part is her reaction in not wanting to go to dinner etc not her feelings. I'm sure most of us would have at least a momentary internal wobble but then get on with it in an adult way.

I'd give your in-laws the benefit of the doubt regarding the forgotten meet up, but the dinner is a step too far. My toes curl just thinking about the potential for awkward silences. I'd still be going to the wedding. There'll be loads of folk there and it'll be easy to maintain a civil distance.

No but most people would find it a bit odd going to spend time with your wife's ex boyfriends who were only briefly together, split up 8 years ago who treated her like shit's parents frequently no?

Doesn't have to hate the dh but most people would find that odd no?