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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

385 replies

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:02

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

OP posts:
Gymmum82 · 14/07/2024 18:05

They didn’t humiliate themselves. They did it to humiliate her.

AmiShitsaline · 14/07/2024 18:08

I don’t think the one who walked round the grounds did anything wrong

FatmanandKnobbin · 14/07/2024 18:09

It's Sunday, they wanted a family day, but also to show face at this event, and escape as quickly as possible.

Not sure its humiliating.

TinyYellow · 14/07/2024 18:10

What was the event? I don’t think it humiliates them, it highlights the hostess being tight and petty for not inviting them in the first place.

TemuSpecialBuy · 14/07/2024 18:10

If it was a childs birthday party (youve been coy so its not clear but is the only event i can think of that fits???) then to see the little boy/girl as its their birthday

And agree with @TinyYellow it makes her look incredibly petty to have a family party with an "exclusive" list

Ponoka7 · 14/07/2024 18:12

It's to rub in her face that she didn't have the power to fully exclude them. She didn't get what she wanted. It isn't them being humiliated.

dontcryformeargentina · 14/07/2024 18:13

Uninvited turned up as they don't give a shit - pushing/ disrespecting your friend boundaries.

DinnaeFashYersel · 14/07/2024 18:13

Your friend has probably caused a decades long family rift.

Poolstream · 14/07/2024 18:14

Was it a christening?
Your friend can invite who she wants, people can turn up at a hotel that serves food and drink.
Seems a petty family all round to me.

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:16

It wasn’t a child’s birthday.

Why would you turn up to somewhere that you weren’t invited?

The one who walked around with her teenager did keep staring in as she passed.

if you were pissed off I could see going out somewhere to cheer yourself up, but why same venue that your spouse was at?

Why show your face, when that face wasn’t invited.

I felt we were in a zoo and couldn’t relax as the other guests were so distracted.

OP posts:
SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:18

@FatmanandKnobbin but they didn’t have to come at all.

OP posts:
Easipeelerie · 14/07/2024 18:18

They did it to intimidate and to bully because they weren’t invited. Horrible, vulgar people.

Tagyoureit · 14/07/2024 18:19

What was the event?

Why was she so precious about the guest list if the event could have been held at home?

Kinda sounds like your friend is a bit of a petty twit

MrsLeonFarrell · 14/07/2024 18:19

I think they did it to make the event uncomfortable and it sounds like they succeeded. It sounds as if your focus at least was on the uninvited rather than the event itself.

Schoolchoicesucks · 14/07/2024 18:20

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:16

It wasn’t a child’s birthday.

Why would you turn up to somewhere that you weren’t invited?

The one who walked around with her teenager did keep staring in as she passed.

if you were pissed off I could see going out somewhere to cheer yourself up, but why same venue that your spouse was at?

Why show your face, when that face wasn’t invited.

I felt we were in a zoo and couldn’t relax as the other guests were so distracted.

Because you don't need to be invited to go for lunch in the restaurant of a posh hotel.

Maybe they wanted to spend the rest of the day with their spouse so it made sense to travel together. Maybe they assumed the reason they weren't invited was financial, so they solved the issue by paying for their own lunch.

Presumably it wasn't in a private dining room.and there were other tables occupied by similarly "uninvited" people having meals.

They didn't show themselves up. Perhaps they showed the host up.

Hankunamatata · 14/07/2024 18:21

Christening? Come on op you have to tell us the event

BippetyBoppetyBooHoo · 14/07/2024 18:22

Maybe she wanted them there but just couldn't afford to feed them. What does your friend make of it?

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:24

She didn’t want the hassle of having a more traditional event that would have involved her in more work.

Obviously anybody could eat in the restaurant but why choose that particular one on that particular day?

I don’t think it was an issue that complete strangers were there as they weren’t a distraction.

Surely they could have a family day on another day.

OP posts:
NerrSnerr · 14/07/2024 18:26

What was the event? There's no point in not telling us because anyone who attended or knows about the blood relative only policy would know you're taking about this so it wouldn't be any more outing than the thread already is.

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:26

O.K. Christening!

Friend was upset that her event was gatecrashed. Sister-in-law brought her own sister and kids. Why?

OP posts:
MrsLeonFarrell · 14/07/2024 18:27

I don't understand why she excluded people whilst holding the event in a public place. It sounds like she has alienated half the family through poor planning.

DinnaeFashYersel · 14/07/2024 18:29

SweetSouberry · 14/07/2024 18:26

O.K. Christening!

Friend was upset that her event was gatecrashed. Sister-in-law brought her own sister and kids. Why?

She didn't invite her in laws to the Christening? 😳😳😳

That's truly appalling.

BagOfBollocks · 14/07/2024 18:29

Gymmum82 · 14/07/2024 18:05

They didn’t humiliate themselves. They did it to humiliate her.

This! ^^

I must admit I stifled a laugh at the thought of her looking down her nose at the uninvited turning up! 🤣🤣

Tagyoureit · 14/07/2024 18:30

So how long did it last for?

2 hours, then people went on to have the rest of day with their own families.

I think your friend is being really weird, you're her friend and she dismissed your own children at a family event. Really weird!

Bunnyasmyname · 14/07/2024 18:30

Why didn't she invited them??
Seems very odd not to invite family to a christening.. Unless there is a huge back story...