Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

@Gilbertwasawuss

People on here are so weird.

You don't have to invite every single person to everything. It isn't "petty".

To invite "blood relatives" but not their partners and children (who are also blood relatives BTW) is extremely odd and, yep, petty and small minded. Especially to what is traditionally a family celebration. I can well understand the 'uninvited' family members being very upset about being left out. I wouldn't have gone there but they made their point.

Top trolling by "the uninvited", and so well organised too!

They didn't gatecrash your friend's event, but they made a point of being on the periphery, just where the lack of invitation decreed they should be. At the next table, in the lounge, in the conservatory, patrolling the grounds and peering in the windows - your friend must have been looking over her shoulder the whole time to see where someone would pop up next!

This sounds like it has been highly co-ordinated, as I doubt one of them would have done it on their own. I'm interested to know what their partners, who were invited, thought of it all - they must have known this was planned. Either way, I find it very amusing!

By the looks of it The Uninvited were actually more inclusive and organised than the actual host.

I think the real significance of a Christening has been lost on OP's friend.

Indeed.

@SweetSouberry the behaviour of the spouses of the “blood” relatives (I hate that term) was not ideal, but your friend’s behaviour was much worse. Ungenerous and hypocritical.

A very unchristian christening.

@OhMrPleasant
Definitely coordinated, which makes me think that OP's mate will have done other stuff in the past to her family to make them react like this.

I suspect she's a nasty person who excludes people on a regular basis

They have an elder child did the uninvited go to their christening? Did they go to their wedding?

OP, you keep asking 'why would they do this, why not go somewhere else?' The obvious answer is because they're all really pissed off with her decision-making and have collectively decided to make a point. You may not agree with it, but that is the obvious reason!

OP said they turned up to the church as well.

A christening is about the child and the people in its life who care for and are related to it, not just its narcissist mum and her desire to have a dinner in a posh hotel. So before I’d ask why people would turn up to that event if not invited, I’d be asking why the ‘friend’ had persisted in holding the event in that way at all, especially when the ‘friend’s’ mum and brother had initially refused to go. That’s what most normal emotionally intelligent people would do.

I agree with this. Well played by the Uninvited!

It would be hilarious if it was a coordinated move on the part of the 'uninvited'. I am guessing it was a convenience thing - one partner didn't fancy the long, difficult drive alone so partner came along to accompany, another person saw the location and thought their DH and DC would enjoy it and they could all do something together afterwards, another liked the look of the menu and thought they'd bring their laptop along to catch up on work in a nice location. Because she excluded so many, it looks like they all ganged up.

Oh I missed that!! This is getting better and better 😀

They did it to piss her off and make the point that they should’ve been there anyway. Christenings are supposed to be a rite of passage to bring a child into the Church family and is certainly a wider family event. It is not an event for show, it is a deeply symbolic and important religious event and should not be about the social desires of the parents.

Christenings are public events in most churches, usually held during the main Sunday Service which all the churchgoers attend - it’s about welcoming a child into the Christian community. Often multiple children from different families will be baptised on the same day. You can’t tell anyone they are not invited to church, everyone is invited. They had every right to be there too. They were the child’s uncles and aunties too. Op’s “friend” isn’t above God and doesn’t get to make the guest list for the Church of England/Catholic Church 😂

And it REALLY seems like it’s the “posh hotel” bit that’s pissed her off.

OP, I don't understand why you keep asking why these people would do this when the obvious answer has been given to you several times over from the beginning of the thread.

I've gone with yabu because they are able to come along to a public place. Absolutely ridiculous to invite half of a couple to a family event. This is likely to go down in family lore as unforgivable. Like you invite aunt Gladys but uncle Jim has to stay home with little Leo and Leonora. Truly horrible thing to do for any family event.

The turning up registers their displeasure at being excluded. I wouldn't have done it but equally I'd have found an excuse not to go to the christening if my family were not invited.

Children free weddings are one thing but child free christenings are by definition not possible, and if your child is invited it's unreasonable to exclude other family kids.

If she wanted low stress christening just do it at the church after mass/service and invite the grandparents home for Sunday lunch.

If she wanted a smaller gathering she should have kept it to grandparents and the godparents. Splitting couples and basically telling people they're not worthy to attend if they're not directly related to the mother or father (but certain friends are) is bound to cause offence and is actually really unpleasant, especially for such a family orientated event as a christening.

It also doesn't make sense as cousins are blood relatives, and young children generally don't have a clue which of their aunt or uncle is actually genetically related to them. My daughter is 5 and she doesn't know the difference between my BIL (who is DH's brother) and SIL (his wife) - they're just her auntie and uncle and she loves them exactly the same. I can't imagine only inviting BIL to her christening and telling my SIL and her two cousins (who love her to bits) that they have to stay home.

It's not supposed to be a major event in your friends life, its about the child and God and the congregation witnessing it ....hence why anyone can go to the church for weddings/funerals/christenings ...you don't need an invite.
She made it a posh snobby event and told her family what she thought of them they showed her the finger.
Personally I wouldn't have gone as a guest if my family were excluded we would have all gone to the church then done our own thing and asked the uninvited if they were putting anything into a savings trust for the child. Not passing anything to the mother.
I wonder what she will think when being the only uninvited at future family events? I'm sure that will come.

I’m imagining the extended family Christmas:
all the excluded spouses and children unwrap biker jackets with The Uninvited written in studs across the back.

Please please Dail Mail pick this up so it can get national and The Uninvited can fulfil this epic quest.

People on here will break their necks to try and make an OP (this time her friend) wrong. All of a sudden, any gathering is now 'for family, aunts and uncles' but any wedding thread about people not being invited, the vast majority of posts are that no-one is owed an invitation and they shouldn't feel so entitled. I've seen people hounded on here for expecting an invite to a wedding...which is also a 'family event'.

I hope they have an epic WhatsApp group chat re-named The Uninvited.

I am baffled that you don't think an aunt or uncle's spouse counts as an aunt or uncle.

I'd be gutted if I wasn't invited to DN's (DH's brother's child's) christening. And DH would be pissed off and wouldn't be going without me.

I think threads on here are reasonably consistent that it's rude to invite one half of an established couple.

you cant just invite one from every ccouple its ridicculous

my dh is my niece uncleto her she calls him uncle-i would be so annoye if my sister didnt invite hiim