Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

Your friend is awful. Inviting mates over her SIL and her nieces and nephews. Unbelievable.

Did they all attend the christening itself?

If she's religious, having a christening, and wants to invite godparents, grandparents, friends who are sympathetic to christening idea, then I can see why she'd not want her sister in law who sneers at religion, for example. If she wanted a group of ten rather than a group of 20c that makes sense.

And if she osn't able to have it at home- maybe house is too small or she isn't well enough to host an event- new baby, or pregnant or whatever- then why can't she have it at a local hotel carvery?

People seem to be assuming she's lady muck trying to be snooty, but it's not necessarily unreasonable to want a small party that everyone wants to be at rather than a big one that's just about the free grub and booze.

On reflection, I’m really impressed by the orchestrated efforts of everyone excluded.

Sitting in the conservatory with a laptop, booking a table in the same room, doing laps of the building with a child peering in the windows to spot Mummy…

They took her petty little lunch and turned it on its head. Serves her right for not understanding the purpose of a baptism.

Christenings are in church, and nobody can be excluded from a church.

The party afterwards ought to have been more inclusive. I don't blame the people who weren't invited.

This. I really really don't understand the exclusion of "married in" wives and partners and a focus on blood relatives unless this is a massive drip feed and there are family tensions already between her and the married and partnered in members of the family. Christenings are welcoming children into the faith and into the community. Pretty non-community minded to excluded family members (while still inviting their other half?!?).

So your friend invited some immediate relatives of the child being christened, but not their spouses or children, or wider family?

“Controversial” seems like a euphemistic way of describing it.

If I’d been a member of a nuclear family unit where one member was invited but spouse/children hadn’t been I wouldn’t have attended either as an invited guest or as a gatecrasher. But this does seem like it was a pretty effective way of registering disapproval of very unfriendly way of “celebrating” a Christening. It’s a bit gauche for me, but then so is what your friend did.

Did these people need to travel any distance to get there? Were they going anywhere after? Did the people attending drive? - numerous reasons.

All v odd.

How did the uninvited know the name of the venue and the time? Therein, possibly, lies the fault. Either the hostess plastered it all over SM, in which case anyone with access to it may have seen it and not read/understood that it was invitation-only - or one if those invited passed the details to others, possibly also suggesting that they came along? Whether this was done innocently or to stir is another matter. But how they all knew where to pitch up and when is a good starting point.

She sounds like an absolute psycho. Who invites one part of a family to a christening- she’s lucky people showed up at all.

the fact other people showed up and make her feel awkward is kind of her just deserts to be honest, it’s a child’s christening- i could understand no children (but then it’s a bit weird as it’s a celebration for a child?)… you invite people as a family unit not as individuals.

Yes the people were rude to turn up uninvited but your friend was totally bloody rude by not inviting them. I am sorry I would be saying something to your friend if I was you. instead of posting on mumsnet to try and garner sympathy for your friend who did a bitychy thing. you might not like your inlaws but unless they are abusive and child molesters you don't exclude them from family events. you suck it up put a smile on your face and be an adult for the few hours. if she couldn't afford the venue with the numbers should have had a different venue. God she has really f up on this

Well they knew where and when it was because their spouses were invited.

It's more appalling she invited 'blood relatives' and friends yet excluded family members.
Your friend is the one that should be embarrassed by her thoughtless behaviour.

Not a very Christian way of celebrating your child's inception into Christianity.
Parents have to say that they'll follow the tenets of the Christian faith.

Because she literally invited her husbands siblings and not their spouses?!?!?

This just goes to show that a lot of christenings are just done for the sake of the party afterwards.
Not because the parents are interested in Christianity.

Then she should have had godparents and grandparents only.

They all sound as bad as each other, on both sides

We don’t know what happened behind the scenes. Maybe someone who was invited told all the others so they assumed they were also invited, because most people would assume that they would be, so they turned up regardless. Or perhaps they did it to disrespect and disregard the boundaries and etiquette.

Lesson from this is that if you want to control who attends, have a venue that allows that control.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

So did her own dad not attend?

I can't believe she didn't invite her baby's aunts/uncles/cousins.

None of this makes any sense to me. Everyone obviously knew the place and time and made plans together to all go whether invited or not.

I can't really understand having a family celebration but leaving out a lot of the family! It's weird all round though because I do think its also odd for those who weren't invited to show up anyway.

She chose a public place. Other people are allowed.

Although I wouldn't have turned up anywhere near it uninvited.

This is actually insane. I can’t imagine what the family what’s app chat would have been like. My mum would have probably have disowned me if I tried something like that. Fair play to her brother and mum being raging.

Your beef is with the bouncer/doorman who let them in.

And why did the staff allow it?

Or is it a regular restaurant where you can just rock up and eat? In which case they didn’t do anything wrong, it’s a public place.

Why are you so invested? It sounds as though you are pleased to be on her elite guest list and are pissed off that the uninvited dismantled the whole idea of a chosen special few.

I think is so much more to this story that meets the eye.

it’s hard to say who is being unreasonable here.