Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

It must be a very strange family, if it is considered normal for people's spouses not to be considered really part of the family and just "outsiders" who need not be invited to family events. Her action was very rude and divisive and, considering it was all about a christening, not very Christian.

The people who turned up were showing her what they thought of her action, and presumably their invited spouses agreed but hadn’t wanted to make a big fuss about the invitation.

The Uninvited were also very likely making the best of an inconvenient invitation/uninvitation. If a family wants to spend Sunday together, a couple of hours at a tiny christening isn't worth staying in for, especially as they can go to the church anyway.

So I'd probably do the same - "I'll just get lunch with kiddo while you go to the Exclusive Christening Party, and then we'll carry on to my mum's (or whatever).

It's actually not about your friend - it's about what is convenient to the people she invited and didn't invite.

But of course, your 'friend' thinks it's all about her. It's not.

I'm sure I have read Aibu to End My Friendship posts over events less trivial than this.

Of course a christening is usually a family occasion, more so than a wedding. I think if this was a wedding thread instead the answers would be pretty much the same. I don't remember seeing a wedding guest thread about ILs plus nephews and nieces not being invited where "blood relations" are, but there has probably been one! There have been a few about step children not being invited but their step siblings, who are blood related to one of the couple, being so, in established relationships. Usually there are a few "well you've got to stop somewhere as weddings are expensive" comments, but from memory, the vast majotiy tends to side with the step parent and say it's a bit off to split the family in this way.

I was responding to a comment were the poster hadn’t realised the family went to the church. The op had made snarky comment about fine my friend couldn’t stop them going there but still thinks they shouldn’t have gone, or something similar.

All my children were baptised in church, one with full congregation and two after Sunday service, congregation welcome to stay. I’m fully versed in what a church baptism means.

I'm a little confused as I was responding to your response to me where you initally quoted me...I appear to have inadvertently offended you. That's a shame. I did actually realise they went to the church but it comes across that the OP keeps referring to the meal afterwards as 'the Christening'. For me that felt like a key point. As though the meal is the important part, not the Baptism...and that says something about both her friend and her, in my opinion.

Apologies, I was tired and didn’t realise it was you I originally responded to x

All for people having agency in their own lives, and ofc leaving space for some big drip feed family feud revelation that actually paints the OP’s mate as reasonable after all…but ‘blood relatives only’ is such a fucked up way of organising a guestlist. My mother’s family - who saw divorce as the ultimate sin - were like this. other than being a pretty nonsensical way to evaluate family structures in 2024 it really leaves scars.

Surely a christening is one of those events where you just swallow the fact that your husbands auntys whatever wants to pop in? never mind some of the pretty significant exclusions here

Just speculation/being sceptical...but did the 'friend' in part do this to get more gifts per meal... if you invite brother SIs in law and 4 kids you pay for 4 meal but set one gift.... but invite 4 people each from separate familys=4 gifts!

(I'm on the side of the uninvited)

[Edit -oops didn't realise this was an old thread... have been going down a mumsnet rabbit hole]

Turning up uninvited to an event is pretty trashy. Shows that she was probably right not to invite them.