Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

Is this a reverse????

Why not?

I think it's hilarious! 🤭

She sounds the type who took great pleasure at school in being picked to choose the kids she wanted on the rounders team.

Oh the power of playing God! 😁

She wanted a quiet celebration with people that mattered to her, that didn’t involve her having to organise anything.

Of course it was a public place but there were literally tens of public places that the uninvited could have eaten in or they could have just stayed at home.

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted.

I think you're being melodramatic. I'm not sure I understand why you think that having a christening after party in a restaurant and hence inviting fewer people is wildly 'controversial'. Not everyone wants to cater for a gazillion people in their house. And weren't some of the 'gate crashers' likely to be just waiting for their immediate family members who were invited/driving them home if they'd had a drink at lunch, so were in the vicinity?

She excluded family from a christening so she could host in a restaurant she couldn’t afford. It would have been a nicer to include everyone and go somewhere her budget could stretch to.

Pretty shit behaviour on her part. I can understand the uninvited family turning up to make a point.

Lol they did it to ruin her power trip.

And good on them!

Mother-in-law’s sister

So the husbands AUNT and her SILs so husbands sisters or sils werent invited to the christening...?

I'm irish and honestly i think that's mean spirited and shameful. If i did anything like that my mother would "die of mortification"

If your friend can afford a posh hotel she could homestly have afford catered sandwiches etc at home and an one off cleaner to help tidy and invite everyone

To use a reddit-ism AITA? Yes...Your friend is the arsehole.

Are you posting on behalf of the 'the friend'?

You sounds pretty involved in the upset over the 'slew of the uninvited' tbh, OP.

Clearly they thought what was more embarrassing was the hostess's attitude and her far too restrictive guestlist. That's why they turned up, to make a point. And in making a point were prepared to possibly embarras themselves to attempt to enbarras her.

It is the hostess who comes out looking worse than the uninvited attendees.

And yet her child’s family doesn’t matter to her. She sounds like a peach. How to alienate half your family! How on earth did the child’s father agree to this?!

Think your friend behaved quite shittily actually @SweetSouberry

Probably causing lots of family rifts in the process.

So you're saying, your friend doesn't include in laws, family? I think it's quite selfish of her not to invite them. I would have been quite hurt tbh.

Your friend was a rude cunt to purposely not invite people's partners (including her own inlaws) to the christening.

If you're that fucking precious then hire a private space.

Anyone can go and eat in a public restaurant, and I should imagine people did so purposely to highlight what a dick she was being.

If the hotel was nextdoor to the church where the christening was it was probably just an easy option for lunch, invited or not. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Presumably it was a place anyone could go to and pay for their meal. If so I don't see the issue they had as much right to be there as anyone else.
It sounds a very strange dynamic though. To invite her brother but not his wife.

I mean I definitely wouldn’t go to a hotel christening lunch or whatever (not particularly strange to have it in a hotel) just to prove a point cos I wasn’t invited, I think that’s a bit crazy.

BUT clearly these family members felt strongly that they weren’t invited, and this was their way of showing it!

She didn't invite her brothers wife or children to her child's christening!! That to me is a really nasty thing to do. No wonder the brother and mother didn't initially want to go.

Well a quiet celebration would have been them and the godparents only.

She had a selective guest list which has come across as super rude and "people that mattered to her" yikes! Even your dh and kids didn't make the cut and you're defending her!

Or her husband Aunt?!?!?!
Who Is the artist formerly known as "MILs sister" 😅😅😅

I would have been completely embarrassed turning up somewhere that I wasn’t wanted

I'd be more embarrassed that my friend excluded in-laws from what is traditionally a family celebration just so she could host in a posh hotel

Hope she enjoyed her day & it was worth the inevitable family rift it's now caused

I think the uninvited showing up is brilliant.

A christening isn’t a private event, literally anyone can go to the church.

If she hosted a meal in a restaurant afterwards, where did she expect extended family to go? Turn themselves off and go into standby mode until they were wanted again?

They clearly booked a table in the sane restaurant to show her up for being so rude.

Well I think it's quite telling that so many uninvited chose to go and show up your friend!

What's more likely - all of them being awful, or your friend having pissed all of them off?

I think your friend made a poor choice excluding family members from a christening and choosing to hold a celebration of it in a public place.

I think the family members who turned up anyway to make a day of it were perhaps a bit bold, perhaps wanting to make a point, perhaps they just wanted to see the baby even at a distance.

They don't need to be embarrassed to be at a public place because no-one needs to be invited to a public place.

If anyone should feel embarrassed, it is your friend for excluding family members from a family occasion. If she wanted a small, private, blood relative only event then she should have organised it at a small, private location.

I can't see what the 'uninvited guests' did wrong. One member of their family had to travel to a nice restaurant, they thought why not travel with them and treat themselves to a nice meal too. Then they can also something as a family afterwards too.

Honestly you and the host are being super precious to object to other people you know being at a public venue.