Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

Embarrassing would have been turning up and trying to join you. Clearly the others either - travelled together so they could go on somewhere else (i.e. the one walking round the grounds) but this is what happens when you invite a cousin and child but not their partner and step child, or were making a point (i.e. Grandma's sister) but this is what happens when you exclude family from a family celebration.

How long til she's on Mumsnet bemoaning the lack of family involvement

Christening is about welcoming a child both into a church and it's community. Everybody and their aunt should have been invited.

‘the uninvited’..😂😂😂
There's some weird behaviour on Mumsnet today, I am going to put it down to football fever.

Seriously, I dont think the Internet is for you. Imagine calling someone that. Sad. I bet your a joy to be around.

Because a Christening is family affair welcoming child into Gods family?

Were the family and other guests invited to the Church bit ? and then excluded from the posh after Christening bit ?

It was just her opinion.

It's an ordinary hotel restaurant, from what the OP says. Anyone could come and book a table, or work on their laptop in the lounge, or walk in the grounds. It wasn't some exclusive nightclub situation with bouncers and velvet ropes.

Why were you invited OP?
So much for immediate family only, eh!

This sounds like a reverse.

You can't stop anyone from going to a church service.

As passive aggressive behaviour goes, that shows commitment!

Most people only manage a comment or 2 in the family WhatsApp

Weird to invite you but not her own family?

YABU but loll @ The Uninvited

Sounds like a kind of thriller or horror novel title

Omg imagine not inviting your child's aunts, uncles and cousins to the christening. 😬 What a bitch! That would change how I felt about a friend.

Presumably the in laws came to the church for the actual Christening? If so they would have needed to go somewhere while their spouses had lunch, so waiting at /having lunch at /walking round outside the lunch venue seems as good an option as any.

You can't stop anyone from going to a church service.

@TheShellBeach I know, had quite a few extra's at my wedding I just thought it might explain why people then went onto the Hotel after even if they weren't invited to the foody bit ?

So your friend didn’t invite the aunt of the child being christened? Presumably just so she could have a posher more instagrammable venue. Really poor behaviour

Truly bonkers stuff !!

C'mon OP, you've gone awfully quiet.
Are posts making you reconsider your viewpoint?
I'm sorry for your friend if she is upset that the day didn't go as she planned. But it was the result of her own actions and lack of consideration.

Yeah it was. I also gave mine.

How embarrassing for the non-guests to turn up? Everybody must have been cringing on their behalf.

They did not humiliate your friend at all, if nothing else they show exactly why she was better off not inviting them!

They are pathetic, I feel sorry for your friends.

Was it in a church? I don't think you can stop people coming to church. A christening is normally an opportunity to welcome a baby into the church. Surely the more the merrier? Unless it was an instagram christening - all done for show.

Are YOU the 'friend' @SweetSouberry Is it you who has left half your family out?

Personally I would not have gone to a family Christening that I was not invited to, but I would have ghosted that family member.

However...

The Christening was at a Church I presume? Anyone can go into a Church. It's a public place. So they had a right to go. Your 'friend' was incredibly rude to not invite half the family. What a mean-spirited thing to do.

and @TemuSpecialBuy

Ah, OK. Of course, sorry. In that case it's even more odd. Inviting one member out of a family unit to a "welcoming" of a new family member - religious or not - does seem odd, and unkind to the uninvited parties. Bizarre. I can't decide who's more at fault - the hostess for being so exclusive and oddly restricting, or the folks who turned up unasked. Tempted to opt for the former though, given the numbers of people that appeared - perhaps the weekends are the only times they get to spend together?

At our family gatherings it would be unthinkable to do this. ALL cousins and their families (plus older cousins boyfriends/girlfriends) were welcome - and we're not Irish or from any other background that traditionally celebrates en masse. In fact, at our last gathering a few years ago - in a privately-reserved area of a reasonably posh hotel - there was a little five year old boy who kept coming back for cake and to play with the younger ones - until his mortified parents retrieved him. He was a random unknown who'd cannily spotted an opportunity for some free cake and games! We gave him a balloon before he was hauled away. But even he wasn't turned away (everyone assumed he was a new second cousin of someone) and was made to feel welcome. I'd find it odd to have an event like this and not to have all members of the same family invited. Not necessarily all families that we are related to - but complete families when invited.

Weird replies here… it’s bloody rude to turn up to an event you haven’t been invited to, and bordering on unhinged to walk around staring at the guests. Sort of explains why they weren’t invited in the first place!

ETA: obviously it’s a bit odd that they weren’t invited in the first place, but the correct way to make that point would have been for the invited person to decline the invitation.