Turning up to venue uninvited…Why?

[SweetSouberry]

My friend made quite a controversial choice in hosting an event this morning/ lunchtime.

Traditionally the event would be more family orientated with kids running around and hosted in a more ‘domestic’ setting.

She hosted in quite a posh hotel and only invited blood relatives and friends. My husband and sons weren’t invited but I went as the event would hold no interest for them.

Her parents and one of her brothers initially refused to go as in-laws and nephews nieces weren’t invited. However, mother and brother did come in the end!

But a whole slew of the uninvited turned up anyway. Two sisters-in-law , one with her own sister came to the venue and had lunch in the same restaurant with their kids who kept coming over to our table.

A cousin’s partner walked around grounds with her own child while partner and older step-child were at event.

Mother-in-law’s sister sat in the hotel’s lounge and the spouse of another friend set up his computer in the conservatory type thing.

I was just cringing, why would they humiliate themselves like this?

I would not have done what friend did but even if I wasn’t invited somewhere and I was upset I wouldn’t dream of still coming to venue.

Why do you think that they did it?

100% this!

Once she got to the venue and realised all the additional extended family were there, it's not like she had to do any additional planning though. She could've just asked if they could join in at your table but pay separately. If my partner/spouse was attending a christening and we could make a day of it, we might choose to also go along for the day and maybe for ease, eat at the same public venue. It all sounds very mean spirited on your friends part.

This was you, wasn't it?

I presume gifts were expected/given from the excluded parties??

Presumably so she'd have adult company and a bit of help with the kids since her husband wasn't there.

@SweetSouberry I think it would help if you clarify if it was an actual Church christening followed by a hotel do or a sort of welcome baby event ?

Were gifts expected from the guests ?

I agree with this. ^

Does your friend have form for this type of behaviour?
It sounds very bizarre that she made a point of not inviting her child's aunt, not blood related, but invited her brothers step child, who would not be blood related either.
I feel sorry for her child if she only wants to celebrate with blood relatives, it won't be forgotten and may very well come back to bite her in the arse

@Callmemel

Are you posting on behalf of the 'the friend'?

You sounds pretty involved in the upset over the 'slew of the uninvited' tbh, OP.

Exactly what I was thinking.

It sounds like she invited the blood half of these families. So she invited her brother but not his wife or children etc. That’s how they knew where it was.

anyway I think OP is the friend.

I think it's what we're all thinking.

Agree with this and I speak as someone who's basic number for my wedding was 130+ people because we didn't want to leave anyone out. That was before we could even add any friends!

This.

I think the whole set up sounds odd frankly, and your friend was tempting this type of reaction, and I can see why people might have been annoyed, but I think this 'revenge' is pretty nasty.

They did, and then presumably OP the friend kicked off.

Yes it was cheeky as but I think it's hilarious. Fuck around and find out, as I gather the kids say.

I dont think anyone did it to embarass anyone. Maybe I am different to you, but christenings are a thing you reluctantly attend out of duty,
People wanted to go, get it over with and spend the rest of teh day with their family, Sunday is family day in most homes.

It sounds like most of the uninvited family members were just keeping themselves busy in the same public building while they waited for their other halves?

I think all of them were crazy for turning up. For most people, if half of their family - DH/DW and DC weren’t invited to something the whole family unit wouldn’t have shown up. I wouldn’t go to something if my DH and DC were spitefully excluded. It’s all of each family unit or none IMO, the people at the Christening you went to obviously decided to go for the all option regardless of what they had been told, which was a bold move. Perhaps they thought it was a mistake and they were all invited because it is mind blowing that someone could be that excluding and petty.

How often do we see on here for weddings when only part of the family is invited, the suggestion that everyone could travel together and then the uninvited part of the couple or family could entertain themselves nearby? Here we see it playing out in action.

This is what people do. Especially if they have young children they don’t really want to separate from so one parent stays outside the official party with the kids. They don’t make themselves invisible.

Its a public venue - whats cringe is hosting an event in a public place then moaning the public are in the public areas.

Its also pretty damn tacky and disrespectful to separate up families which is CLEARLY what everyone thought too. Everyone else is not wrong, they on mass came to the exact same conclusion which shows its actually the standard conclusion.

Not inviting them was far worse etiquette than them showing up to a public place, they did not 'crash' anything.

Your friends got this spectacularly wrong. I think every christening I’ve been to has been at a hotel, restaurant or pub. No one with a new born or young baby wants to host at home. I’m not sure why you think she has been controversial in her choice of venue. Where she completely lacks morals is not inviting her family to attend. She’s an idiot.

Very, very odd, upsetting behaviour to try and make a Christening "exclusive"

'with people that mattered to her'

Wow so tacky to proudly declare at a family event that your sister in laws 'aren't people who matter'.

That seems like karma will blow back hard from lots of directions later on.

I'm cringing! You don't have to invite anyone you don't want, family or otherwise.

I agree with OP, the uninvited gatecrashers have embarrassed themselves.

What a bunch. The not-invited who went anyway, in order to humiliate her, and your friend who didn't even invite the child's aunts and uncles. I don't think she quite understands what a Christening is about.

Absolutely bizarre all round.

Yes, It sounds to me like all 'the uninvited' are the issue, controlling inlaws as oft seen on MN who want to run the show, and for once someone's told them no!

I wouldn’t of turned up if I wasn’t invited but your friend who hosted this has embarrassed herself not the others.