No hen do because I actually have no friends 😔

[Toujoursenfrance]

Not sure what the point of this post is other than to show myself as a massive loser….

I am engaged and me and OH have been chatting about potential stag/hen parties. His best man has thrown up some ideas for his which all sound so brilliant and I am honestly so jealous that I can’t be involved - but am adamant I won’t be, even when they both tell me it would be such a laugh to have me there.

Trouble is, I don’t think I’ll be having one myself. Because I don’t have any friends. Never have really. I’ve had acquaintances, usually people I work with but they never really want to be full friends with me. I don’t know why. I don’t think I’m a horrible person. Most people who know me tell me I’m a lovely person with a great sense of humour and a laugh to be around.

I do have one friend that I’ve known for about 17 years but we’ve grown apart over the years since having our respective families and very different life choices/goals etc.
So I’ve been telling everyone I don’t want a hen party whereas I do really.
Thinking I might just book a weekend abroad somewhere hot for just myself while OH is having his, so I can wallow in my loneliness and obvious un-likability!

Do you have female relatives you could have a hen do with? Not everyone has a large social circle and that's OK.

“Most people who know me tell me I’m a lovely person with a great sense of humour and a laugh to be around.”

Surely the people saying this would be your friends and would be happy to come along to your hen do?

FWIW, when people have big parties, they are often scraping the bottom of the barrel and asking along colleagues, people who are more acquaintances then friends etc.

Where do you live and how old are you Op?

Some of us may be able to suggest good local women's groups and so on?

I feel for you. I certainly didn’t know anyone to have a “hen do” with. None of my female friends knew each other, had enough money to travel to a single location, or could organize themselves to pour puss out of a boot. So nothing! However we did have a joint pre-wedding brunch of our mutual friends that was lovely!

I got married 40 years ago, and had no one to come to a hen do. I had no baby showers, and no friends visited after my chidren’s births. I haven’t had a birthday party since I was 16. I have only ever been invited to two weddings my whole life.

I think taking yourself away somewhere sounds like a great idea. Congratulations OP.

While I did have a hen do it was a bit crap for that reason, didn't have many people to invite and it was a bit of an odd bunch that had never met each other. I think your idea of a weekend abroad just doing what you want is a really good one.

Why can't you go to the "stag"? Your fiance and the best man think it's a good idea. Call it a joint stag/hen/ pre wedding celebration party. Invite anyone you know. Could be fun!

Can you go for a lovely meal with your mum?

One (sort of) word: STEN!

These people aren’t my friends though. They tell people I’m great and lovely and then talk about stuff like the party they hosted the weekend before where they had invited lots of other members of staff and how great it was. And I’m there thinking I must be invisible or something. Some others have started talking about future events and parties they’ve been invited to and then seemed surprised when I’ve said I’m not invited. I’m just one of those people I guess. I am quite quiet and introverted but once I get to know people and relax with them, I do come out of my shell. I don’t know what it is.

I really don’t want a big thing or lots of people either. I just want a little thing. A night out somewhere. To stay over somewhere. Go on a mini break with someone. Just something with someone other than my OH and/or the kids.

I have a sister but she lives so far away and we’re not close. My mum is cool but compared to the travel/party/fun my OH is planning, I’d feel a little like I’d missed out if it were just me and her having a meal or something.

Have you been exclusively focused on your partner since you got together with him?

I find a lot of women stop bothering to keep up with friends when they meet a partner and then wonder why they no longer have any.

You say you have acquaintances but if you are really honest with yourself could some of these people become friends if you had really nurtured the connection?

Why don’t you invite some of these acquaintances to a drink as a hen? A pp is right that a lot of people who go along to hen parties are convenience friends as opposed to longstanding friends but who cares? You have to start somewhere.

Arrange something nice with your DM and stop comparing it to the stay do.

Take her on an interesting city break somewhere?

I’m 41 and in Norfolk. There’s not really much around here apart from WI and that’s not really me. I love sports but don’t get much time. I can’t afford fitness classes or anything similar.

Who are your bridesmaids?

Is there some sort of "experience" you and your mum would enjoy? Walking alpacas, making stained glass, that sort of thing?

Have a joint one with soon to be DH if they want you there or go somewhere on your own that you would enjoy!

Hen parties can be a complete nightmare that nobody enjoys and everyone resents - so don’t feel like you are missing out!

I also did not have a hen do for the same reasons.

My work colleagues gave me a penis shaped pen and a tiara though. So you may not completely miss out.

If you like exercise are there any yoga retreat, walking weekends or a spa weekend you could on (would your mum join you on the spa weekend?)

To those suggesting I go on the stag or have a joint STEN, I’d love to really but I’m just so embarrassed that OH’s friends would think i’m only there to keep tabs on him or realise I’m such a saddo to have literally no friends and question his choice of woman. They all live in a big city and meet up regularly with each other or their other friends. They would think it’s so weird to have no one.
Plus, I feel OH deserves to relax without me there. Although he seems to have no problem with it and would never do anything to make me not trust him, I feel like he never lets his hair down fully when we’re on a night out.

I think hen dos are overrated and I always dread having to go to them. I reckon many people feel similarly.

How about a spa day with your Mum and sister? I haven’t got many friends. I think I’ll end up doing a spa thing myself

I had a similar problem. I said I wanted something very low key and so me, my sister and a cousin I'm close to went and had a spa day and treatments. It was lovely.

If your partner and his best man want to do a joint thing why don't you do that?