No hen do because I actually have no friends 😔

[Toujoursenfrance]

Not sure what the point of this post is other than to show myself as a massive loser….

I am engaged and me and OH have been chatting about potential stag/hen parties. His best man has thrown up some ideas for his which all sound so brilliant and I am honestly so jealous that I can’t be involved - but am adamant I won’t be, even when they both tell me it would be such a laugh to have me there.

Trouble is, I don’t think I’ll be having one myself. Because I don’t have any friends. Never have really. I’ve had acquaintances, usually people I work with but they never really want to be full friends with me. I don’t know why. I don’t think I’m a horrible person. Most people who know me tell me I’m a lovely person with a great sense of humour and a laugh to be around.

I do have one friend that I’ve known for about 17 years but we’ve grown apart over the years since having our respective families and very different life choices/goals etc.
So I’ve been telling everyone I don’t want a hen party whereas I do really.
Thinking I might just book a weekend abroad somewhere hot for just myself while OH is having his, so I can wallow in my loneliness and obvious un-likability!

Yes that last bit is very true! I got invited to the hen party of someone I went to primary school with and have seen twice? as an adult. Clearly just because she had rented one of those stupidly expensive Instagram houses and needed to make up the numbers! Very few people have 15 close friends

Go away with your Mum for a lovely hot weekend somewhere? Think quality not quantity of people

I didn’t have one for the same reason, lots of acquaintances but none really knew each other and it would’ve been obvious I didn’t have any close friends so I just kept telling people I’d been on lots of hen do’s (true, always as an extra to make up the numbers) and never really enjoyed them so I wasn’t having one.

Organise (or ask a work acquaintance) to do after work drinks with people you like there. They don't have to know you aren't doing a bigger bash unless you want them to.

Maybe ask a few acquaintances from work if they fancy a couple of 'hen' pints in the local?
They might become friends. Perhaps they think you don't want to go out to the other things you've mentioned.

Firstly do you really want a hen do? If not then don’t worry! If you do or want to mark the occasion in some way then arrange a meal with your mum, and consider inviting some of the acquaintances you’ve mentioned for a drink as others have suggested. I went to a hen garden party recently, where any women attending the wedding were invited - low key and most of us didn’t know each other but was actually really nice.

Well at least you don't have to call yourself a hen. It's so stupid. But a weekend break with your mum and sister might be nice

Not really my thing. I’m more of a lets mountain bike down this dirt trail, go karting, ball sports, snowboarding, adrenaline fuelled activities kind of person.
I would do a spa but I would find it a little boring and don’t think it would be my mums cup of tea either.
I think that’s the problem. I just don’t seem to enjoy the same sort of activities that (most of) my peers do.
i suppose I need to realise I’m getting older and most women my age just don’t do these sort of things and those that do, don’t live in a small town in the back end of nowhere!

I agree with pp who said hens are over rated. Especially huge ones with way too many people who hardly know each other. Best hen I was at was a friend of mines . There were only 3 of us including the hen and we went away for a night and had dinner and a few drinks. It was lovely. I’d actually rather go for dinner with my DM than go on some of the awful hens I’ve been on in the past.

Do you normally do those things with other people?

Do you have a bridal party? Can you just do something with them? Your OH has a best man so I assume you have a MoH?

I'll throw you a hen OP! Where we going? 🍾

Are there women on the stag do? If so you may as well just join them. But if no then not really.

You are not far from me and I’m more than happy to go to your hen party.
I’m in Herts. 🙂
Perhaps bowling or bingo you would like? I’m not a weirdo I promise.😁

Do your fiancée's friends have girlfriends/wives you get on with?
How about rather than seeing it as a hen/stag, it could be a couple weekend away, with some activities just girls/just boys and some all together.

I didn't have a hen either, I'm a bit self conscious and didn't want the whole stripper, blow up penis thing. But I and 2 friends went to visit our friend who lives in Devon for a chilled weekend - more coffees by the beach and pub lunches than crazy nights out, but was nice

Just go with DH if he and the best man are happy for you to . Why not? Have fun! 🍾🎉

Friendships can be a deep river or more of a trickle depending on time of life. At school we are surrounded by people our age and after having dc you tend to move in groups of people at a similar life stage. I’m not sure it’s so unusual to drift a bit in between. But take note for when you do get back in a social pool that friendships are worth cultivating and maintaining.

@OrchardBlack snap

I had the same issue—I just didn't have any real friends for a hen do, so I did nothing. In hindsight, I wish I had taken my mum on a weekend away, as she passed away a couple of years later. But I never missed the actual 'hen do' as those things never appealed to me anyway, especially the hysterical (IMHO) kind with matching outfits etc.

It’s not against the law to get married without having a hen do - I really wouldn’t worry about having one.

too much emphasis nowadays on stag weekends and hen weekends and spending crazy amounts of money on Instagram weddings…

focus on your love and future together. All these ‘trappings’ are just unimportant

I think you should book a girls adrenaline weekend somewhere. Something like Gutsy Girls. Age is irrevelant. That sounds like how you want to celebrate 🍾

You could also do the classic weekend in Brighton and Hove - book to join something with one of the women's meet ups there.

Why don’t you suggest a STEN and invite your partners friends girlfriends/wives? You could suggest a couples night first and if it goes well and you’re all enjoying, suggest it while you’re together!
To be honest most of my husband’s friends are my friends husbands so think it’s quite normal to make friends that way.

Same, what I’m wishing I had done was booked myself a relaxing spa weekend or just something I like. Even if thats my favourite movie, a bottle of wine and takeout. take a day out and do something you would really like to do for yourself. Honestly years later I forget I didn’t have a hen do. Doesn’t bother me at all.

There's nothing wrong with being shy and quiet OP

I'm the same, I've made one friend from work ever (I'm 44) because we're both runners. I do have other friends but not loads.

I quite fancy signing up to one of those adventure week/ weekends. I see a lot advertised on social media and loads of the reviews are from people who go on their own, have a smashing time & make some friends. Why not do something like that?

Of all the hens I went on in my 20’s and 30’s I am hardly friends with any of them any more… I also have 2 Friends who don’t speak to any of their bridesmaids any more… for various reason.

friends come and go…..