No hen do because I actually have no friends 😔

[Toujoursenfrance]

Not sure what the point of this post is other than to show myself as a massive loser….

I am engaged and me and OH have been chatting about potential stag/hen parties. His best man has thrown up some ideas for his which all sound so brilliant and I am honestly so jealous that I can’t be involved - but am adamant I won’t be, even when they both tell me it would be such a laugh to have me there.

Trouble is, I don’t think I’ll be having one myself. Because I don’t have any friends. Never have really. I’ve had acquaintances, usually people I work with but they never really want to be full friends with me. I don’t know why. I don’t think I’m a horrible person. Most people who know me tell me I’m a lovely person with a great sense of humour and a laugh to be around.

I do have one friend that I’ve known for about 17 years but we’ve grown apart over the years since having our respective families and very different life choices/goals etc.
So I’ve been telling everyone I don’t want a hen party whereas I do really.
Thinking I might just book a weekend abroad somewhere hot for just myself while OH is having his, so I can wallow in my loneliness and obvious un-likability!

You have choices:
Go to the stag with them and enjoy the fact they invited you along
Get together with your sister and mother and have a spa weekend or a weekend abroad somewhere. Instead of focusing on what you don;t have, think about what time you'd like to spend with them, prior to marriage.

You could ask work colleagues to come for a drink after work as a sort of secondary mini hen (don't call it that - just pre-wedding drinks) They might get to see the real you a bit more and start including you in things.

I would just do something nice with your mum. Tradition doesn’t matter, you do what you will enjoy. Why don’t you book a little trip together doing stuff you two would enjoy?
If it makes you feel any better op, I would struggle to get enough women together for a hen do too.
It’s a shame you feel left out at work. Have you been there a long time? Would you feel comfortable inviting one or two of them out for lunch or a drink after work? It’s hard when friendship groups are already formed.

Totally agree with this.
The number of threads on MN about hen parties, and stag dos, that have caused real life changing troubles and upsets for lots of people - those invited to the the hen parties, those not invited, relatives, the couple themselves. And they've even caused the wedding to be cancelled.

Why should you think less of yourself because you aren't going to have a hen do? I think it's a badge if honour that marks you out as an individual .

Focus on the fact you are marrying someone you love. Who you want to spend your life with. That's the important thing . The whole point .

As Bluebell says if they are happy for you to go along go to your DH's. I think that sounds great and shows how compatible you are with him and his pals. His best man sounds brilliant.

What about if you and your mum went to one of these "experience" days like the indoor skydiving (they have 3 centres).

www.virginexperiencedays.co.uk/adventure?gad_source=1&gclid=CjwKCAjwy8i0BhAkEiwAdFaeGL7MIcJ3eNJWX7PoRWCphyOMNnMYflsoJU2GszYZUyhXHBHLpLDoihoC074QAvD_BwE

Your mum wouldn't have to skydive, she could cheer you on and then the two of you could go for a lovely meal afterwards.

Take your Mum for that mini-break! Grab a cottage in the lakes in or near a nice town with a decent restaurant. Hike, eat, go on a boat trip, get muddy! In case your Mum isn't into steep hills, a lot of the lakes have quite flat routes round the edges which have lovely views, though you still need decent footwear, as they're not paved in the main.

I didn't have a hen either, nor any recent birthday parties, baby showers etc. I didn't even have people at my wedding! Have lots of acquaintances but very, very few people I would spend any reasonable amount of money or time on/expect it spent on me. Never really bothered me although the other day I did see a FB post from my previous 'best friend' (that I've drifted apart from) had her hen and had 20 or so people with her and it did make me a bit sad that I can't really muster more than one person for these types of occasions.

Why don't you arrange a get-together and invite colleagues? Start the ball rolling. Make an effort to arrange something, a meal out, a cinema trip. I understand your disappointment at not being invited to events, but you have to make an effort with people.

I wouldn't say I have lots of friends I invited-

My two friends
My mil
My sil
My dh to be's friends wives/girlfriends
My sister

I had 8 people, all of them came. We did a uk weekend away.

I also did a meal out which my two friends came to plus my mum, my sister, my two dds and my friends dds.

Hen parties are over rated OP! Honestly. They look fun from the outside and on social media. But the reality is: they’re expensive, people drop out last minute, bride ends up stressed and upset, they can be cliquey if women of different “friend groups” come together.

I'll give you a hand!! Any excuse for a night out 🤣

I didn't have a hen do either. I have a few friends but they're scattered and organising something would've been too much brain ache for me.

In hindsight I wish I'd booked myself a solo holiday or trip somewhere (to "enjoy being alone for the last time"). If you want to treat yourself to something, be it an experience or a trip or something else extravagant, now's your chance to do it and with the perfect excuse 😁

I went canyoning with a bunch of kayak and bike mates. I refused to have a girly weekend with the three or four girl mates I have, so I invited my bloke mates too 🤷🏻‍♀️

Get in touch with your work acquaintances and your friend since age 17 and invite them all. I'm sure they'd all be glad to come.

I am similar-ish in the types of activities I enjoy and lack of female friends. I do have friends, but most of them are guys and many of them are also DH's friends. DH didn't want a stag do, so neither of us had a hen/stag in the end.

However, I can completely understand that if your future DH does have a stag do, that it feels like you are missing out. Would you consider a women's adventure holiday instead of a hen do? It won't be the same obviously, but would potentially be something you'd enjoy? There are a few companies (Sisters in the Wild, Adventuress in the Wild) that I have heard good things about.

No advice, just wanted you to know you’re not alone out there! I could have written you post myself.

I’m not an unlikeable or mean person either, and I think one of the reasons I’ve avoided getting married is because I’d be so embarrassed to have so few friends to invite to my wedding. I blush to think how I’d even begin to pack the numbers out for a hen do! I would have no one except family.

Sometimes I worry about being hit by a bus and being “outed” as virtually friendless when my work colleagues realise that there’s so many work colleagues at my funeral!

So you’re not alone in the way you feel. I bet you’re a great person, just crap at making friends, like me.

It's a long time ago but my 'hen do' was basically going out to dinner with my mum, aunty and a couple of 'friends' who were actually the wife and girlfriend of my boyfriend. They came as it was the same time as the stag do. OH did say I could go with them, wish I had, they did lots of things I'd enjoy.

If you want to go with him then go, don't worry about what his mates think.

I didnt either. My dmum and dsis sitting in watching a film Id already seen....

Find something that suits you and do that, either with others or on your own. Society makes us feel we're abnormal if we dont have hoardes of friends but actually a lot of people dont have that!

When do you want to have this hen do? I have heard nice things about Norwich so would be up for a little trip there. We could do an intro to bouldering and climbing here followed by a night out. There are a few other posters interested in doing a hen night for you too.

highballnorwich.co.uk/get-started/intro-courses/

Feel for you OP . My hen was a bit flat compared to my DHs stag do. Ended up with a makeover evening with a few friends. It was ok but what I really wanted was the full tiara and club night out but no one wanted to do it 🙄. Or thought to organise it for me. Whatever you decide, you do you and have a fabulous wedding .

If you're a 'chuck yourself down a mountain bike trail' kind of woman, could you find a mountain biking (or similar) kind of holiday you could go on, and invite everyone who's there to be your honorary hens?

Let them know it's your 'personal hen do' that you've gone on for you, and make some friends there and then?

If I went to something like that and a fellow attendee said she'd taken herself on it for her own hen do, I'd be 100% up for turning it into a celebration for her 😃

Ha ha yes it gives me the ick...

OP, you mention never getting invited anywhere, but have you invited anyone anywhere?

I'm not talking about the hen do but if you want to build your friend group start inviting people for drinks or meals or cinema after work. These things are often reciprocal - people will invite you back and you'll build connections from there.

No siblings? Majority of Hen do's are made up of family.

Mines was sisters, cousins, young aunt & few close school friends.

This is bloody lovely, by the way. I'm outside the UK so can't join in, but heck – if Mumsnet is for anything (apart from AIBU griping), it's for this 😍

Sometimes I worry about being hit by a bus and being “outed” as virtually friendless when my work colleagues realise that there’s so many work colleagues at my funeral!

I was thinking this the other day. I could count on 9 or 10 friends, but they live all around the country. I don't know anyone except work colleagues locally. So glad I'm not the only one