To cancel going to a wedding because I'm pregnant?

[indiiii]

I have a wedding to attend next weekend. For context, I live down south and the wedding is up north. A 5 hour ish drive dependent on traffic. I normally wouldn't have any problem doing this, I have travelled to all my friends weddings (I moved away years ago). But I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant and getting really uncomfortable driving to work even never mind that much of a long distance. I accepted the rsvp last year before I even knew I was pregnant, so can't be helped, but I think friends will fall out with me if I don't go... and part of me thinks rightly so as it's wasting their money, I really don't want to let them down. But I just underestimated how tired I'd still be in the 2nd trimester and the drive is crazy. Train is a no go too as so expensive unfortunately.

Help, I feel so bad but I just don't know what to do, I don't want to lose a friend over it!

If you were my friend I would understand. Maybe you could offer your petrol/hotel costs as an additional gift if you're worried about them loosing money

I have to say, that despite my sympathy for how you’re feeling, you would be unreasonable to cancel the weekend before the wedding. That’s really not fair - I think the time to let your friends know you won’t be attending has come and gone.

Honestly, I think it would be daft to miss a friend’s wedding for this. You’ll have a lovely time when you’re there. Just plan somewhere to stop mid-way for food and a decent walk around. Will you be driving yourself or is there DP? If DP, then you’ll have the luxury of adjusting the passenger seat to make yourself comfortable/have a nap/doom scroll through Mumsnet etc. I think you’ll regret it if you don’t go.

Yabu. Break the journey up, it's not like you're 38 weeks.

It’s not a good reason to cancel with such short notice. Just break the drive up by having a decent stop in the middle. Are you travelling with DH/DP?

Unless you're a bridesmaid or part of the wedding planning, then I think friends will understand. I'm not usually an advocate for minor fibs but it might be easier to leave to play up the pregnancy. The road have been awful anyway and with school breaking up it could be a proper ordeal.

If you were my friend I'd understand, but to be honest I'd be a 'bit' annoyed you hadn't let me know in time to invite someone else in your place.

Have you looked at flights? Usually cheaper than trains or driving.

Can you fly?

I feel like unless you are genuinely unwell in a way that wasn't foreseeable at least a few weeks ago, it is unreasonable to cancel now. I wouldn't be happy about it if I were your friend.

To put it in context, I have a friend who flew to the US for her friend's wedding when she was 7 months pregnant and on crutches due to PGP, and another friend who flew short haul to my wedding at less than 3 weeks postpartum having had to fast track her newborn baby's passport application.

I think I would be🙄if someone didn't come to my wedding at 24 weeks but that's influenced by me having a normal pregnancy and driving/going everywhere up to the week I gave birth. If there is an underlying condition or complication you have not mentioned in your OP, then I would be more sympathetic.

Tbh I'd think it was a poor excuse to pull out at just 24 weeks.
Can you see a physio to see why your back is hurting so much?
Or get the bus?

Replies are mirroring what I'm thinking... I just don't know what to do, I don't want to cancel I feel so bad, I've never cancelled. I just thought I'd be fine by 24 weeks as everyone says you get a lot of your energy back etc.. but I'm so exhausted all the bloody time still. It's been one of those things where I've thought 'see how I am nearer the time'... in hindsight I should've thought about it months ago, I just didn't realise ☹️ DP can't even drive me as he's had knee surgery recently... I don't think I'll cancel, I don't want to lose a friend. But probably going to be a tough drive I think😞

I’d be really frustrated as the bride if you couldn’t manage a trip because of being only 24 weeks, it’s not the hard part of pregnancy particularly. Just break the drive up?

As for my pregnancy, It's been fine so far, just sheer exhaustion and sciatica that started about 20 weeks (reason for being uncomfortable driving to work).. I'd be fine once there just the long bloody drive!

Sorry, from someone at 34 weeks pregnant- unless there are actual medical reasons why you can’t, I think you’re BU. break the journey up as others have said and make the effort. It’s the week before, I’d never hold it against a friend if you pulled out like this but I would be annoyed and disappointed about it.

If you don’t feel well enough then that can’t be helped. I can’t imagine not making the effort myself but we’re all different. I felt awful with my twin pregnancy but I’d still have gone to a friend’s wedding, just made sure I rested before and after our booked a hotel the night before.

Do you and DP have a two together rail card? If not get one as that would make the train tickets significantly more affordable.

I’d also be unimpressed with a drop out just one week before unless it was for a very good reason. I think most people would struggle to imagine that being 24 weeks pregnant could really be that hard.

I'd be a bit miffed if a friend cancelled last minute due to 'being pregnant'.

But unless you have severe sickness or health issues above pregnancy I would go and plan a couple of stops.

But yes if you choose not to go (likely at expense to your friend) then I'd expect your friend to be annoyed and hurt. Partly for wasting her money and partly for showing she's not that important to you.

I don’t agree with most of the other posters- if you don’t feel well enough for a 5 hour drive, then don’t go.
Tell your friend as soon as you can.
The reality for many pregnant women is that they manage to work during the week because they rest at weekends. You need the rest. Your body is telling you to rest.

Can you get help to make the journey?

You seem to have a group of friends, so where is everyone else?

Can you take a train to a place where other wedding goers will be leaving from, then get a lift with them? Or ditto, driving just the first bit?

Would the train be easier? You’re not doing the driving that way, you’re free to get up if you need to etc. Just book a seat.

Yabu

i agree.

I didn’t attend a wedding at 41 weeks, but I had already declined when the invites came out, assuming I would have had the baby. As it was, I could have still attended (bride wants us to) but I couldn’t face it.

At only 24 weeks, when you’ve already said you’re going, I would absolutely make the effort!

Where up north? And are you in London?