To cancel going to a wedding because I'm pregnant?

[indiiii]

I have a wedding to attend next weekend. For context, I live down south and the wedding is up north. A 5 hour ish drive dependent on traffic. I normally wouldn't have any problem doing this, I have travelled to all my friends weddings (I moved away years ago). But I'm currently 24 weeks pregnant and getting really uncomfortable driving to work even never mind that much of a long distance. I accepted the rsvp last year before I even knew I was pregnant, so can't be helped, but I think friends will fall out with me if I don't go... and part of me thinks rightly so as it's wasting their money, I really don't want to let them down. But I just underestimated how tired I'd still be in the 2nd trimester and the drive is crazy. Train is a no go too as so expensive unfortunately.

Help, I feel so bad but I just don't know what to do, I don't want to lose a friend over it!

Just because she doesn’t treat pregnancy as an illness which sounds like a lot of you pathetic people do??

I had a wedding in the north two weekends ago! I was 22 weeks pregnant too (and had a bout of indigestion and asthma). We are in London I managed to get to the wedding. I sat at the back, near the entrance of the church so I didn’t ruin the ceremony by coughing/gasping for air. I went to the reception too, didn’t last the whole night. I ate a bit (awful heartburn) but I am glad I went. Like you, didn’t want to waste their money and it was fine. I took my meds with me. Chatted with the bride and groom and left just after food. Hubby stayed and partied all night! I was in bed at the hotel by 8.30! I think it will be fine.

Lovely update OP, your friend sounds like a keeper. It's not hard to be understanding at all.

@BrendaSmall pregnancy is not an illness, obviously.

But anyone stupid enough to put themselves through pain to hobble around a theme park, is pretty stupid, wouldn't you say? Pregnant or not. On top of the fact she was on crutches, because she had an issue, she also happened to be pregnant.

What made her make that choice?

Free tickets or something?

Do what you think is right for you. I’ve been reading the replies from others who are commenting on you not being 30+ weeks and comparing you to their dogs groomers, sister in laws best friend who travelled when they were heavily pregnant. Who cares what other people did or how far along you are. Everyone experiences pregnancy differently. If you’re uncomfortable and genuinely think it would be a struggle, then cancel.
I would however make sure they had a lovely present and perhaps some money to cover the cost of your place.

And that @indiiii Is how real friends behave.

At 36 weeks I did a 2h drive and walked up a fairly big hill.
At 24 weeks my life was restricted to being 4 steps from the sofa or the toilet. I had way more energy in the end of my third trimester than the rest of my pregnancy. Pregnancies are so different!

Another consideration is risk of accident. My gap in pregnancy sickness was filled with pain from a broken rib and bruised sternum after a major car accident on the motorway after travelling to visit my pil.

Also, posts of here make me feel very comfortable in my decision to never go to another wedding! So much drama over a single day.
I wouldn't go, I would apologise for the late notice and say you were hoping that you could adjust and be able to cope with the journey but the journey doesn't seem to be something that is achievable right now and you look forward to seeing them after the wedding.

@indiiii perfect! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.

Hope all goes well.

@BrendaSmall mind you it's pretty telling that you call pregnant women that are having mobility issues pathetic, maybe that's why your daughter felt compelled to do such a ridiculous thing? Was she trying to prove to you she's not pathetic?

I am currently 27wks pregnant and was diagnosed with SPD at 15wks, getting out of bed is extremely painful, driving is awful I can’t even shower without help. I would definitely not be making any long driving journeys it would just put more strain on my already pushed pelvis. You are doing the right thing by not going, every pregnancy is different we can’t all do everything.

What a lovely friend. I had sciatica when pregnant and it was the worst - although for me the only place I was comfortable was in the car with the seat warmers on!

@indiiii I had acupuncture and shiatsu massage for my sciatica and it was gone within two weeks. I cannot recommend it enough!

Really pleased to hear your news, OP.

Excellent news OP. Definitely the right call, and a lovely friend.

Yes, I agree. I originally started writing a reply along the lines of telling the OP to go. I went on a hen weekend away and was Bridesmaid at about 32 weeks pregnant, but then I thought, great I could cope with it all, but as you said all pregnancies are different and we all experience them differently. It's nice the OP has an understanding friend.

@indiiii oh, I had sciatica whilst pregnant, absolute bloody agony. It's difficult for people who have never experienced it, to understand how painful it is. Sleep with a pillow under your butt cheek, the pain side and take a cushion for the car.

You have my sympathy but yabu, you should have cancelled 6 weeks ago so they didn't pay for your food

I think three people who'd said 'yes' missed our wedding. 2 were ill, and one was looking after a sick parent (actually I think she was fibbing about that because her husband left my best friend for her back when they were at uni, and they're still not speaking) anyway, I understood. It might have been an important day for me, but not to the point that I expect people I care about to haul-arse from their sick bed and feel tired and crap all day just to boost my ego!

YABU.

You’re pregnant not ill! I think your friend would be rightly upset for you to cancel so late in the day because you’re 24 weeks pregnant!

She’s not in a sick bed, she’s pregnant!!!

I know the trains cost more without advance booking but is this a possibility? Less journey time, relax. Xx

But being a good and sensible friend, rather than a self-absorbed Bridezilla, the OP's friend is not upset.

Good result, OP.

Also to add, if you're feeling unwell then any true friend will understand. If a friend of mine felt the same about coming I would totally understand. There seem to be a few pushy people on here, not everyone wants to drive hours while pregnant and it's your call. Some have more difficult pregnancies than others that makes them more tired and drained. Xx

Yes she is. And she says it's making her feel really uncomfortable. So (just
LIKE my friends who were sick) if she were my friend, I wouldn't want her driving 5 hours each way and feeling awful, just to avoid disappointing me. Every pregnancy is different, I did 2 long haul trips in the 2nd trimester and was fine. Others feel horrible all the way through. Friends are understanding.

I agree with this too op. I had sciatica and sitting that long for the drive is going to really make you feel even worse. I wouldn't put myself at any risk or discomfort for a wedding.