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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Teacher married to non teacher

537 replies

allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 07:42

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

OP posts:
rubyslippers · 13/07/2024 07:43

So use some childcare 🤷

if both parents are working it is frustrating if all school hols are also their responsibility with no break

I wouldn’t hesitate to use clubs etc funds permitting

LaunchingTeabag · 13/07/2024 07:44

Another reason for teachers to moan

AppleCream · 13/07/2024 07:45

YABU to resent that particular thing. Most working parents would kill to not have to worry about / pay for holiday childcare!

YANBU to feel pissed off if he's not pulling his weight more generally and to try and address this.

BlueMum16 · 13/07/2024 07:45

Doesn't DP take annual leave?

whathasitgottodowiththepriceofoliveoil · 13/07/2024 07:46

Teachers on here always say how the holidays aren't really a break as they have so much work to do so I'd get your children into childcare if you're working.

If not you're saving a bomb and get that time with your kids others would love. Your partner can use their leave to cover some of the summer holidays too so there's both of you off.

TheFallenMadonna · 13/07/2024 07:46

I think you need to even up term time expectations, which hopefully will then allow you to enjoy the holidays with your children. My DH did more than half of looking after the children when they were ill in term time, for example, because he could be more flexible than me.

Witchcraftandhokum · 13/07/2024 07:46

LaunchingTeabag
Another reason for teachers to moan

Were you just idly scrolling on MN waiting for a chance to have a go at teachers?

HcbSS · 13/07/2024 07:47

Yes, in a nutshell.
My DH is a very dedicated teacher (think extra revision groups, HOD, does the school timetabling) and he loves the time in the holidays to really do more and have ‘boys time’.

mynameiscalypso · 13/07/2024 07:48

Most teachers I know have a mix of family holiday time and some childcare over the summer so they get a break.

Original poster
allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 07:50

I think it’s because I’m finding parenting a bit tricky at the moment. I work 3 days a week but I don’t really enjoy my days off with them. It’s not them they are lovely kids. But it’s hard. During the holidays they’ll attend nursery 2 days a week. I’m dreading 3 days a week with them Blush but then I do get 2 days ‘off.’ Next year I won’t even get that.

OP posts:
thehousewiththesagegreensofa · 13/07/2024 07:51

But most of us with that age children use our annual leave to look after our children and, if we want to use it for something else, then we pay for childcare.
When my DC were at nursery, two of her friends had teacher parents. One paid for term time only care and had her DC at home with her but the other paid for full time care and still sent her child for a couple of days a week so that she could have a break (which sometimes involved going out for lunch with a friend but other times involved planning for work or redecorating).

distinctpossibility · 13/07/2024 07:51

All working parents (in a functional set up) use the vast majority of annual leave for childcare / to spend time with their children. For many, that's mostly solo with maybe a week overlapping with the other parent, paying £2k to go and get rained on somewhere different.

DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 13/07/2024 07:51

In our house, although teacher DH does all the childcare in the summer, I have to pick up all the term time issues like illness, covering inset days, attending all the random assemblies, concerts, decisions to open the school at 10am at zero notice to recover from a sodding football match etc. So it more than balances out.

MayonnaiseOnMyChips · 13/07/2024 07:51

Now where did I put my violin...

Martymcfly24 · 13/07/2024 07:52

Sorry but to me that's the perk of the job.
I have 9 weeks off to spend with them.
They don't have to go to childcare or be woken early for a creche etcn plus I get to spend time with them.
My husband would love to have the time off to spend with them

Hateliars34 · 13/07/2024 07:52

If you were in another job you'd be working, so why don't you book them into clubs?

If I were in your position, I'd book them into a club once or twice a week. I'd expect DH to take 1-2 weeks annual leave for us to go somewhere as a family.

You're very fortunate you get to spend that amount of time with your kids.

Littlebluebird123 · 13/07/2024 07:52

Both of us are teachers. Both of us work at least part of the holidays so we swap with each other and/or use childcare. The children have different holidays some coincide with my holidays and some coincide with his. We have to work round it. It's not necessarily easier if you're both teachers!
Many families have less leave and have to negotiate. Often this falls on the Mum who has to flex her time for the holidays/beg childcare from family or use clubs.
I think you need to have a conversation about general expectations. Just because you're 'off' doesn't mean you should do everything.

ShillyShallySherbet · 13/07/2024 07:52

I’m not a teacher but I work term time only and I feel so privileged that I get to spend the summer with my children for as long as they want to spend the summer with me, which will be the blink of an eye. It’s sad that you see that as a negative. Are you children young? I admit it’s hard work then but once they’re school age they’re great fun to hang around with in my experience.

LostTheMarble · 13/07/2024 07:53

LaunchingTeabag · 13/07/2024 07:44

Another reason for teachers to moan

You do the job then. Bet you’d not last 10 minutes without finding a genuine reason to ‘moan’.

Phineyj · 13/07/2024 07:54

Be completely honest. If you weren't a teacher, would you still be taking on the lion's share of the childcare? Or at least organising it?

That might be your issue.

I am also a teacher married to a non teacher but I gladly leave a lot more picking up and dropping off to him in term time.

Hateliars34 · 13/07/2024 07:54

DanceToTheMusicInMyHead · 13/07/2024 07:51

In our house, although teacher DH does all the childcare in the summer, I have to pick up all the term time issues like illness, covering inset days, attending all the random assemblies, concerts, decisions to open the school at 10am at zero notice to recover from a sodding football match etc. So it more than balances out.

What job is he in that gives him so much leave?! Does he never take annual leave outside of the summer holidays?

Original poster
allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 07:55

I don’t think there would be any clubs available to be honest, certainly not next summer as he won’t have started reception.

I think I am just conscious I find one day with them really tough going, the thought of five a week is daunting 😂 of course other jobs spend annual leave with children but it doesn’t tend to be for six weeks at a time which I know is a bonus for those better at this parenting lark than me!

OP posts:
Xiaoxiong · 13/07/2024 07:55

I do the 100% of childcare in term time as I'm not the teacher and my job is more flexible. He does 100% of childcare in the holidays because I have to keep working. "Childcare" includes both doing it yourself and deciding and booking childcare/clubs if needed but I hand back the mental load at the end of term - so if he wants child-free time in the holidays, he finds and books the clubs etc. just like I do it in term time. And this includes if the bookings need to be made in advance during term, up to him to think about it.

Original poster
allsummereverysummer · 13/07/2024 07:55

Hateliars34 · 13/07/2024 07:54

What job is he in that gives him so much leave?! Does he never take annual leave outside of the summer holidays?

Show quote history

she says he’s a teacher, we don’t have annual leave as such.

OP posts:
Cinocino · 13/07/2024 07:56

I can’t imagine your partner will be taking annual leave to have time without the kids so surely it’s all the same really?

Do most people not go into teaching specifically because they are off with their kids in the holidays?

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