Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

What a mean post. So are us teachers supposed to just be able to naturally cope and not worry about how difficult it is sometimes to parent young children. Are we never allowed to ask for support just because we get long holidays?

I've only read the first couple of pages but you're getting an absolute pasting here unnecessarily.

Im a TA so do school hours and am in charge of childcare the rest of the time. It wouldn't even occur to DH that it was something he needed to consider.

I'm putting my DC in a holiday club for a few days so I can actually sit down, watch TV that I choose, go to the shops l, get my hair done etc and not feel bad or guilty about it. I haven't had a day to myself in years.

My DH works away, goes to the gym, has days off in the week where he can suit himself. I never get any of that, and it's a common gripe in my school amongst the female members of staff with primary aged children that once the holidays hit, their husbands check out and leave them to do the bulk.

It's almost end of term and I'm on my knees, we've just had OFSTED too so it's been a slog. I've had a cold for the last two weeks because I'm so run down and drained. I get where you're coming from.

I find this really interesting. My partner and I just discussed this very thing. But he sees it very different to this.

He's a teacher - I'm a manager of a Child Protection Team. He said he loves the holidays with the kids. He said its never crossed his mind to want a break from the kids during school holidays in fact the opposite. He said he gets that when they go to bed.

I said earlier, I do all the morning school runs. He does 2 after school runs. I do the other 3. He goes to the gym 3 days after work. He never works at home, he tends to do that in school, before the school day starts. I book off a few days every half term, for us all to have family time and holidays

We literally have a well oiled machine where we both juggle the kids but have us time and time alone. We go away twice a year for a few nights without the kids, curtesy of aunt, uncles, nanny's and granddads.

It never occurred to me to want time off from looking after my dd in the school holidays- I saw it as time off from the kids at school and chance to spend time with my own child. My DD is almost 19 now and I'd give anything to go back to the days when she was by my side every day. Now, if I get one day with her in my holidays I feel lucky- she's either working, at her boyfriends, out with her friends or at uni. Make the most of your children while they are young because it's fleeting...

Dear god do the teacher bashers ever have a day off

All these teacher haters absolutely fixated on the holidays- was the job not available to you when you looked for one? Why does it bother you so.

Amen to this!

I was a teacher and I winced when I read the OP. The holidays were when I realised how fortunate I was compared to my non-teacher friends who had to run themselves ragged using up all their leave (at a very competitive time of year) or plead with every friend and relative they had for help with childcare/playdates.

Teachers have it hard in many ways, but this isn't one of them.

But on MN teachers can often never be wrong.

I think it depends on the set up.

My DC go to the school I work in, so I do all school runs and school related things. His work is rota based but very changeable with no end time, and he has no flexibility or ability to be contacted during a shift due to the work (he also doesn't plan well, this is a recurring issue).

We have a child with ADHD/Autism/sensory processing (light of my life obviously, absolute pride and joy) who is not laid back or easygoing. So it takes up a lot of mental and physical energy managing the mood and expectations whilst also trying to teach/model self regulation/anxiety calming strategies.

I do/plan/sort all after-school clubs and activities. Food shopping etc. The life admin. DC finds switching off hard and doesn't drop off to sleep easily so bedtime can be late and draining. I don't get time to myself after bedtime because by then it's usually bedtime for me too.

I never go to the gym because there's no point in trying to schedule a regular time for it. My DPs will babysit but on their terms (fair) which means DC goes to their house which adds an hour or so onto every pick up etc, they are our only family childcare option.

@allsummereverysummer I think you're getting a really hard time here.

It's okay to struggle with the situation you are in. I was desperate to work full time when DC1 was 2/3-7 as they were such hard work and I couldn't understand how everyone else coped. Being at work as a teacher was a doddle compared to parenting my own child! I couldn't go full time as we couldn't get any childcare for the extra work days. DC1 was later diagnosed with ASD and extreme ADHD which explained partly why everything was so difficult - when DC2 came along as well (3 years between them) I really struggled to balance their needs, stay sane. As they got older it was really difficult to do things with only one adult (ADHDer is a runner and would get completely out of control and overwhelmed in big busy places) and it was only as I developed strategies and a list of safe places where I could cope with DC1 (and after they started on ADHD medication) that I began to enjoy parenting again but this took years.

Even now (mine are both late primary) I would not want to be at home with both of them for 6 weeks straight as they can fight like cats and dogs, and it's really lovely to have one-to-one time with each of them. I have days without kids this summer and some days with only 1 of them. I do not feel guilty about that at all.

What has worked for us has been making some use of paid childcare when possible (a day here and there), asking the kids to brainstorm the beginning of the holiday what things they would like to do (big day out, out of house, in house, list of films and activities, games and walks, playgrounds and museums etc), creating a plan for the day which builds in time out of the house - usually in the morning/giving everyone some attention/usually a film at the end of the day for wind down and for me to cook.

It's hard right now. There will be hard times ahead as well for different reasons. It won't be forever and you will get through it!