Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

So get another job and find child care to cover the school holidays

Thanks @Sandpitnotmoshpit

He does do what he can but to be honest it’s not a lot. He leaves before they get up and he’s back when they’re in bed - if he’s back at all, it’s often an overnight stay. It is easier at weekends when we can tag team a bit and I think that’s why I’m thinking of teachers married to non teachers here!

It’s just life though? Not really sure what to suggest. Many parents spend 7 days a week caring for their children if they are single parents. Your husband should be sharing the load and taking some annual during the summer

Stop moaning about parenting your own kids

im self employed so will be juggling that and childcare…I don’t get annual leave

book a family holiday for 2 weeks

book some clubs for them…they take them from 3 some of them

childhood is only a short time. They will be grown up and gone in no time

This is literally the life of any working parent. Leave/ holidays from work are spent looking after children. I’m currently on mat leave and have 6 weeks with all kids and I’m dreading it 😂. I’m also dreading going back to work and somehow finding the time or money for childcare during holidays. This has nothing to do with being a teacher. The only difference is you have the privilege of having such long holidays where you have the flexibility to either look after them or find alternative childcare. You also have the privilege that some of your partners leave can be taken at the same time as you so you can all be together.

I can easily deal with classes of teenagers, mainly because after an hour, they leave. You're also mapping every minute of that time. Dealing with 2 toddlers or pre schoolers is very different. You're basically their servant. They follow you everywhere. Everything is planned around them.

Are you the teacher?

You haven't made it clear who is.

I fully get what you're saying but TBH you need to ask for this thread to be deleted and start again maybe on the Parenting part of MN.

Your problem is you find it hard to parent. Many of us did.
But you also seem quite naive about the reality of what being a mother involves.

You need some help with that via parent-coaching or similar support.

I was a full time SAHM for 4 years until the eldest went to nursery, part time.

I fully get what it's like but that IS what being a mum involves.

Get your thread changed perhaps and start a new one asking for the help you need.

I’ll gladly show MN my work lanyard along with my passport 🙄

OP that's 17 days a year to yourself! That's about two thirds of most people's annual leave, it's a huge amount. YANBU to be sad it'll go, but most of us manage. Definitely book some camps during the summer when they're old enough.

The small kids years are really really really tough. Most of us don't have neat houses or time to browse the shops and it's normal to struggle to get to the hairdressers because let's face it there's always something more urgent.

No one's saying it's easy but you do seem to have slightly unrealistic expectations, probably as a result of the quite high number of true days off you have now. You will adapt to the new routine, and the kids will get so much easier. Preschoolers are a nightmare, school age DC are a dream by comparison.

Can you do playdates or go to some playgroup meetups, so you get a bit of adult company and the kids can somewhat occupy themselves for a little while? Ask your DH to watch them for an hour or so when he gets back from work, so you can have a bit of time to yourself to go for a walk or take a bath, etc.

I think its hard being a Teacher though.Some of my family teach and its pretty full on in a way that other jobs arent. Pupils from difficult backgrounds,controlling the class ,teaching your subject,and then there s the parents! OP take whatever you feel you need ,Under 5s are pretty full on. Can you arrange a holiday somewhere ,There are house swaps to be had.Also maybe one day out per week somewhere. Museums are free ,and NT is good value ,we pay £10 per month (a little more for a family).This will break up the time .

Teaching part time and having a husband who works away / long hours must be hard, but isn't the whole idea of having children was because you wanted them? In the holidays, not having to leap out of bed early to get kids ready for school is lovely. Though I know that parenting has its difficult moments, enjoy it! Their early years pass very quickly. One day, they might be moaning about having to spend time with you....😅

Gosh I hope it is not a real thread as there have been some quite unpleasant responses.

We've just finished a week of end of year 6 activities most of which seemed to require parental presence and the parents who weren't teachers had done flexi, gone in late, taken half days off, were responding to emails at the event etc.

Teachers can't do that. They have to be at work in person.

If you are envious of teaching holidays there are tons of vacancies. Come and join us!

Wow, you only work 3 days a week and you get all school holidays off, and you're complaining that you have to spend time with your own kids.

I've seen it all now.

I find it really wierd that so many parents "dread" a couple of days a week with their children.

Same here, unless their dc have particular needs which are hard to manage. I'm a teacher (though admittedly so was dh while the dc were young) and I enjoyed being at home with my children and always found it way, way easier than being at work. I was part time for a while, so did spend days with my dc when dh was not there.

I think at this age, yes, the holidays are hard work. But by the time the children are about 10/11, you’ll feel lucky that you have this arrangement. I actually chose to teach so that I could work term time only (thankfully, I love the job) and now it means I really enjoy doing lots of summer trips with my 13 year old. Find some holiday clubs before then if you can.

@LemonandLimeCake I don’t really need help as such. It is what it is to use an annoying phrase used a lot in schools! This is my job, and DHs job is his job too. I am just very conscious I’ll have a three year period where I’ll literally never be without a child or a job. That’s OK, but I have been wistfully thinking of my colleagues married to teachers who will be able to share the load.

Although we’d probably end up annoying one another!

I’m going to leave this thread now, but I get you. My ex works in education and it’s bloody hard. Even working 3 days can feel like a full week. I’d not have expected him to take care of the kids 100% every single holidays because when you’re in a relationship both parents are allowed some time to decompress. That is meant to be the whole point of a partnership in raising children. Not everyone loves every stage of childhood either - I actually found the early years easier than these middle ones (post reception/pre secondary), but my circumstances are quite different and sadly makes long holidays more challenging as the years go by.

It’s not about working part time or having a job that means you can cover all childcare. You obviously feel like you’re struggling and need a bit more support from your husband. You’re not a single parent and I can see why you feel like the childcare being instantly and always put on you without question makes it feel like a dreaded chore. But a struggling mum and teacher is never going to have kind replies on AIBU unfortunately.

I hope you can arrange a break for yourself over summer, even if it’s a few days here and there.

Yes I’m hoping so! I will have a 5 year old in reception and a 2 year old at home and I remember ds at 2 being bloody hard work 😂 maybe his sister will be easier, we can hope right

I think you're focusing on the wrong thing here, which is you being a teacher and what you therefore do in the holidays. Most people are responsible for their kids during their holiday or annual leave time, that's completely normal and not a teacher thing (although yes it can be daunting for some) and most people don't get a break from their kids in the way you seem to be hoping for (days off alone in the week). However, your last post now spells out what you really mean, which is that you get no me time or time to recharge at all. Why are you not ever able to meet a friend on the weekend whilst your husband has the kids? This is bonkers and absolutely should be addressed. So ignore the school holiday thing, see what can be done about that.

As a separate thing, could you tell us a bit more about what it is you're finding hard about solo parenting for whole days at the moment? What do you struggle with? You've had some suggestions already but you might get more of we understand a bit more about what is making you so unhappy.

I'm not meaning to be unkind so I really hope it isn't coming across that way. I completely agree DH needs to be taking time off too. When's he using his leave? Is he in the army or an oil rig worker etc? That's a bit different. But could he take unpaid parental leave?

Booking into a holiday club probably isn’t something I would do, to be honest.

So you don’t want help & for whatever reason your DH can’t help so it doesn’t leave you much option then.

If you are real, I would be happy to stand corrected.

But I find it bizarre that a part-time teacher would start a thread moaning they have no time to themselves to go shopping and get their hair done on MN knowing how much that alone will rile posters, with the added complaint that they don't enjoy looking after their own children because they don't have any childcare for six weeks.

Are you the teacher? Presumably not as you say you are thinking of colleagues married to teachers?

I'm sorry but I don't have any answers for you.

Almost ALL parents find school holidays hard but they suck it up and get on with it.

Please start to think how lucky you are to have two healthy children when this forum is full of women not able to conceive, have children with special needs, or are single parents.

To be really harsh, you need to grow up. It was your choice to have children.

I wouldn’t leave DH with the kids @Deliaskis . I don’t like it when I have no choice so when there is a choice we share the load. But again that probably will change and I’m probably being a bit dramatic and pessimistic. At the moment I’m kind of surviving by thinking in a week I’ll have a tiny break and next year I won’t!