Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

If you're not enjoying it can tou work 5 days then you might appreciate the time off with them more?

I found it so hard to plan what to do and didn’t enjoy this stage either OP, activities were over so quickly and I’d be thinking what on earth next. The days were so long. You need to reset day to day boundaries where feasible to stop taking on so much all the time, maybe you get some you time at the weekend? It does get better, they get old enough for summer clubs and now mine are tweens it’s great (hormones excepted!). The best thing I found was spending time at the park in the morning then home for lunch and a nap (for them). If they didn’t want to nap it was still quiet play in their rooms for a while. It meant I could recharge and we then could play together more happily in the afternoon, structure really helped me and they knew what to expect. I was in two minds about posting this as I can imagine people jumping all over me for it but you need downtime as children can be exhausting and this is how I coped. Sending sympathy, it’s hard.

I don't think it's a bad thing to say it's daunting. I'm daunted by the thought of it. Maybe it's a change of the way you're framing things that might help. I now think I am incredibly lucky to get the whole summer with my two, I get to see every moment, and yes I will be grateful for bedtime and will have wine ready in the fridge... But they will soon be so grown and won't want to spend their holidays with you.

I write a list of indoor and outdoor activities now. Then on a Friday evening I plan the week looking at the weather and include as much outdoor time as possible as that makes my two more manageable. I also love a play date as I get to sit down while they're distracted with the other kids. It also takes away tbe pressure of what to do every morning. Makes it feel more like I'm lesson planning for school 🤣 as a teacher, treat the summer hols the sane way you would the working week. It's helped me. Good luck. Don't be too hard on yourself, it's hard.

Yes, they decided knowing OP was a teacher so childcare wouldn't be an issue in the holidays

Do most people not go into teaching specifically because they are off with their kids in the holidays?

No. Jesus wept.

Snap. I love quiet time in their bedroom. Much needed for all of us.
And getting out in the morning has help too

sorry you are struggling with parenting right now - don't put yourself down, we all have ages that we find harder than others.

School holidays with your kids is the main perk of teaching, and the reason I stuck with a job I hated. When you get to my age and look back you will be so happy you shared those times! I certainly am, and miss them since my kids left uni and got jobs and no longer have the school holiday time free- we were holidaying together right up until then!

But yes, sometimes it is hard. I can remember vividly waking up one Tuesday in half term when my children were preschool and thinking "o no! how can I have only done 3 days so far! How can I survive another 6!!"

What did you think would happen in terms of having responsibility for your own children?

I think part of the issue is what OP is defining as a break.

OP. Your work is a "break" from your kids and your home life is a "break" from your work.

This is your life- why are you wanting a break from it? Could you perhaps book one day to go to a spa?

I'm absolutely keeping mine in nursery 3 days a week.

Single parent teacher.

I have a year's worth of decorating/errands/prepping for work/exam marking/maybe even some exercise: things that can't happen in term time, and I have zero guilt in using nursery over summer to get those jobs done.

I'm a better mummy on the days I can be, when I've got some breathing space to do the things that need doing, and they can't be done with a pre-schooler "helping". Plus, he loves nursery and gets to play with friends.

That’s not how it works, that’s not fair parenting. The OP’s job has little to do with how much the other parent contributes to raising their children, and it reads like the op does everything regardless. To the point where the thought of the 6 weeks summer holidays is causing her to worry. It shouldn’t be like that.

I think people are being unkind here. The DH works away 5 days a week, the OP works a stressful job, having all the childcare on top is a lot when your children are young and demanding

But I do wonder what the DH is doing with his annual leave and weekends?

If I was the OP, I would look to get him to do at least a few days if not more of solo childcare over the school holidays while she gets to do what she wants and I would also try to book in a couple of weekends away on her own.

I'm the first to slag off terrible men on here, especially those who don't pull their weight, but he's working FT year round with. She's PT term time only, of course the bulk of the childcare is falling to her!

People love to have a go at teachers. if a SAHM was here saying she was struggling, she would get support, but a teacher saying it gets a load of nastiness, even though they are working many hors throughout the holidays as well as being a SAHP for that time

Don't take it personally, we all struggle sometimes, this is no reflection on your parenting.

I'm feeling old/ old-fashioned reading this. I feel sad that people feel the need to have a break from their children. Don't get me wrong - I very much enjoyed a few hours to myself when I packed them off to a church-run one-week club in the summer holidays, but they were school age by then. While they were preschool age (and I had 3 within 3 years so petty full on) it was just normal to be parenting them full-time.

I can see in the OP's situation though that her OH needs to be doing more to support her when he can.

Having children is a privilege, make the most of building a relationship with them. I know... easy for me to say now that mine are all adults.

I think I understand op. I work term time in Early Years and have two children, who are now a little older, but when they were younger I felt like I was completely emotionally burnt out during the holidays. Teaching is an intense job and the holidays are so vital to decompress. Going from teaching, to being entirely responsible for the holiday childcare feels like you never actually have any time to breathe, there is no break that is away from children in general, no alone time, no adult time. It's hard work. I used to feel that DH would get to take time off with no worries whatsoever, just to spend doing a hobby, with no thought as to who would be caring for the children, whereas all my time off was spent on the children.

People will say that teachers are moaning, but I would put money on the fact that they wouldn't even contemplate spending even one day in a room with thirty kids, let alone 39 weeks.

With the careers they have both chosen childcare will naturally fall more to one parent. He is working she is not.
His work allows her (I presume she has not got other income) to work 3 days and use 5 days childcare.

I have never used childcare during my holidays and I would never resent my husband for it.
Quite the opposite in fact when I hear him creeping out early in the morning while we all snooze in bed!

I'm a teacher (married to a non-teacher) and I always used childcare to some extent in the holidays.

I had to pay over the holidays anyway for nursery, so they went it for shorter days/half days/less days but they still went in.

When at school holiday activity clubs, tennis 'camps' etc. Not every day, of course, or even every week but I always felt like I had plenty of time to myself/to get stuff done over the summer too. They wanted to do these things, so that helped!

And like I said, if circumstances meant they separated he’d have to work full time and actually find the means for childcare on his days with them. There’s a difference between ‘the bulk of childcare’ and recognising from the op that she does everything in terms of looking after the kids regardless of what time of year it is.

I don’t really understand why people are being so unpleasant on this thread. I’m in the same situation as the OP and it is hard. Why can’t we acknowledge that?! As soon as I finish work I’m with the the kids full time. DH uses his annual leave to cover the inset days that I have to work when the kids are not in school. He uses the rest for picking the kids up when their school closes early for parents evening etc, some for Christmas and one family holiday. There isn’t anymore to give me a break. I’m either at work or with the kids.

OP my older one will happily do a couple of clubs during the holidays but my youngest has SEN so won’t. That said, it has got easier as they have got older. IMO the nursery years are the hardest to keep them occupied (especially in this weather)!

AIBU - i think so yes.

My OH is a teacher. I take all the kids sick days in term time. I do all the assemblies, Christmas nativities and whatever other nonsense

To save money in the holidays. Yes the majority of childcare falls to him. He's off work, he birthed those kids too and he's free. I don't see an issue (nor does he)

However, I enjoy family time and take one or two days off per week, in school holidays, so we can do family things.

I was a (full time) teacher and single parent. One of the best things about the job was the opportunity to spend extended periods of time with my children in the school holidays.
“Count your blessings” is generally good advice.

but the days with them both last forever and while there are nice moments it’s exhausting and not massively enjoyable if I’m honest.

Well you're going to struggle teaching a class of 30 day after day if you can't manage your own children for a few hours.

But I'm guessing you're not a teacher and is this a thinly and poorly veiled attempt to get everyone's backs up banging on about having childcare throughout the holidays when most parents struggle to cover it.

It's that time of year when teacher bashing hits a peak.

Probably best to a) not think too long term then (it's obviously going to be depressing to frame it as you "won't have a day off for two years"; b) book something short term to look forward to (some kind of holiday activity for them?) and c) have a proper conversation with DH about his work pattern. Could he e.g. book a few days AL and take the kids to family?

Have the tough conversations now. A friend has teenagers and her husband works away more and more these days. Sometimes he's away for the best part of a month. He has almost totally dodged the hard parts of parenting for a decade and a half now!

We didn't have a term time nursery available to us and those "extra" days that fell into the school holidays were incredibly useful. I appreciate nursery has gone up in cost, however, it's best to have a little more childcare than the bare minimum.

You're being ridiculous