Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

One reason I became a teacher was so that I could spend the holidays with my dc.
It is tiring, but they soon grow up.
I Lowered my expectations and didn’t worry if we didn’t do much on some days, or if the house got messy.

OP works 3 days per week, term time only. Therefore has a lot more free time than most

And children get easier as they become older / more independent, so I expect that, in future, school holidays will be easier than she currently fears

I suspect the real issue isn't really about school holidays at all. I think it's that she does most of the chores at home while her DH works away from home. I can see that's tough for her, but OTOH, I don't envy her DH either. I'd hate to travel every week for work

Why did you ever have children if you don't want to enjoy your time with them?

And the irony is you work with children.

Maybe think about all the couples who can't have children and count yourself lucky.

I get it. Your kids are little. It's totally full on. It's kids all day and kids at home
I used to dread the summer holidays when mine were very little. Work was always mental, then I knew I'd have to switch from high school mode to tiny, clingy, demanding children who were up from 5or 6, but no intellectual simulation all day. So actual down time.

I also struggled with the change in routine, so I used to make my own summer routine. Kids were also still in nursery a could of days a week so I could get on with summer prep.

However, it really does only last a few years. This year I am mainly only going to spoken to when they need lifts, money or permission to have sleepovers at ours. There will be some shouting when I inevitably see my arse at their crockery hoarding and when they complain about being asked to do basic tasks, but other than that, it will be quite chilled.

@Martymcfly24 i do during the holidays yes sorry.

But there is confusion on the thread. Eventually I will have a couple of days a week to myself but for the next three years I won’t have any ‘break’. I’ll have one child in the holidays and one on my days off.

im sure it’s the same for a lot of people and maybe I am being a wimp about it. But I do ‘feel’ lack of time to myself … the house is permanently a mess and I struggle to do things like meet with friends, get my hair done, browse the shops - OK it’s quite shallow I know and I wouldn’t be without them.

At the moment I have

Two days a week during school holidays which is 5 weeks (one is August bank holidays, they go on Mondays.) So ten days total.

Two October half term

Two February half term (Christmas is closed for one week and the week after tends to be a family holiday.)

two Easter holiday

one may half term

So two and a half weeks over the whole year where I can do those things. And it is a perk of the job.

Booking into a holiday club probably isn’t something I would do, to be honest. Unless one of them wanted to in the future.

Why won't you have any break at all? Doesn't your husband take annual leave?

So it's not even 5 days- it's 3 days a week?

I have no sympathy for you at all.

Sorry.

You shouldn't have had children if you feel like this.

Many parents would give their right arm to spend time with their children but they need to work full time.

I was the main carer over the holidays when my children were small.Maybe I am lucky, but I really enjoyed the time with my own children.I am older now, so I get to enjoy summertime adventures with my granddaughter:)
I was and still am working full time in term time.

Op I work full time. My youngest is 3. I get 5 weeks annual leave, all of which I use to spend with my kids. I'm either working, or parenting, bar the odd lunch with friends. That's just being a parent, isn't it?

If you don’t want to spend time with them put them in childcare like the majority of the population have to…

Id love to be in your position and have all that time off with my children every year rather than the 5 weeks I get. Of all the things teachers have to complain about this is not one of them FFS.

Are you the teacher?

You posts are very confusing.

Find social things to do with them if you need adult company? Park picnics or whatever. I was a teacher and my daughter did lots of summer camps and drama so I could go into school and get organised for the coming year. She loved the camps btw.

Well I don't think she's said what the DH does with his annual leave or what he's like at the weekend (apologies if she has and I've missed it).

As I said in my first reply (and I appreciate it's hard to track who's said what on MN), SINBU to be pissed off if he doesn't pull his weight, but with the hours she works, OP having the children on most (not even all) of her days off is absolutely fair enough.

OP has not said what kind of teaching she does but it takes me a minimum of 40 hours a week (plus 8-10 hours of commuting) to do my "part time" 3 day teaching job and my experience is not unusual.

I do wonder when people think marking gets done. I teach A-level and it can easily be an additional 15 hours of that some weeks. Fortunately it's not a coursework subject but I well remember when my DC was a toddler hiding out at my mum's or in the supermarket cafe near nursery frantically grading coursework!

Plus I didn't have a DH away all week lumbering me therefore with all the cooking, food shopping, housework and pick ups and drop offs.

This is the issue, that you find parenting so difficult. I'd have thought a teacher would find dealing with only 2 children quite easy, in practical terms, so I'm guessing there's something else going on that's causing you problems.
Is it your health, or the fact that maybe you are trying to work while looking after little ones? Or depression or financial issues? Relationship issues?
If you can identify what you are struggling with, we can maybe give more specific help.

I used to be a childminder so having my own children as well as the mindees in the holidays was part of the job. Also, part of the reason I chose to childmind.

On some very occassional days I used holidays clubs to give my kids a bit a variety.

Actual holidays were when DH had booked holiday time too and we shared the parenting and went away for a while. That was the usual 4 to 5 weeks of annual leave not the school holidays 13! Child free time outside of the school day/being at work is fairly rare for most parents of young children.

Updated - I see from posts that you are struggling being with your own children. That would make days difficult.

Do you have a routine? Do you get outside everyday?

Our routine was always out for a morning activity, playground, walk, swimming, soft play etc. Then home for a more chilled afternoon, crafts, a film etc. Structure and a plan helps.

You don't even work full time 😂 Jesus Christ. Plenty of time for you to do the shallow things you're moaning about like get your hair done.

Poor kids. Why did you bother having them if you don't even want to spend time with them?!! Should have stuck at 1 if the thought of god forbid,actually being with them, is too much for you. The mind boggles. Man it up. Lofs of people would kill to be in the position of the luxury of spending time with their children. Honestly sounds like you need to go on some parenting classes, which is odd given you work with kids.

Your post doesn't makes sense OP.

If your husband is the teacher, why isn't he looking after them in the holidays?

This was a rather unpleasant reply. But I’ll answer it anyway.

I didn’t know when I had children what it would be like. I didn’t know how hard sleep deprivation was with babies - I naively thought that it would be waking up for a feed then back to bed, so like a slightly broken night but could sleep the next day when the baby slept. And in fairness dc2 was like that but I had dc1 to care for!

At the moment the struggle is different needs. I leave the room for two seconds and there’s shouting and wailing, someone’s taken someone’s toy, someone’s trying to pull someone over, someone’s turned the TV off. I sit down with the baby and she’s trying to climb over the back of the sofa and gets furious when I stop her breaking her neck, I put her down and she cries! Meanwhile dc1 is being semi neglected because dc2 is so full on and demanding at the moment.

Out of the house is a bit better but groups and things don’t tend to run over the holidays so I do find myself a bit stuck for things to do and it’s always very busy too.

We manage and we do a lot but I can’t really pretend I personally find my days with my children hugely enjoyable. But I think they are enjoyable for my children and that is what is important really.

I do get it - We're both teachers and have two pre school age children. This year I've been on maternity leave and the older one has been on term time only nursery. It means zero time away from the children unless one of you is looking after both of them, no booking annual leave to get things done. Although I understand parents with school age children don't really get to do this and use their annual leave to look after children.

When we're both back at work they are both going to nursery full time. We won't use all those days as we'll go on holiday, visit family etc but we want the time to decorate, get work done, have some time to ourselves etc. This wouldn't be everyone's choice but I need a break from my children and realistically this is just a week at Easter two half terms anyway as they are closed at Christmas and we'll give notice for the eldest before the summer as he'll be starting school in September.

My plan when they are at school is that in the long holidays (Easter, summer) they can do one week of a camp they choose so we get a break. Half terms a day if that's possible.

If my husband wasn't a teacher there's no way I'd be doing all the childcare if he wasn't also taking annual leave to cover some of if so you get some time off. What does he do with his annual leave? And why isn't he doing anything in the week? These sound like bigger issues.
If you're working 3 days and have the children on the other two days you are busy 5 days and he should be doing 50% of everything whilst he's around. Realistically you're not doing housework whilst looking after two young children!

I don’t want to sound rude but I don’t think it’s my post that doesn’t make sense.

If you need a break are there no activity clubs the can go to for a few of the days? The ones where their friends are going of parents who both work. Or a few play date swaps with their friends?

Some of us can’t afford to go back to work and spend every waking hour (oh and the times they wake up overnight) with their kids. Imagine that.

Teacher here of a SEND 6yo and rambunctious 2yo and I fully feel what you're saying OP. Parenting is hugely hard work for me- my eldest is relentless, cant/won't play independently; 90% time everything is a battle for most simple tasks. I am burned out at this stage of the term and the thought of being solely responsible for them 5 days a week 7am until 5.30pm isn't filling me with joy. Neither have holiday time childcare options and we can't afford summer camps or extra time with childminder. I will get 2 days with only 1 of them as my mum will have the other one so I can take them to respective hospital appmts. Husband has used up all his annual leave.
We have 1 week together where we are away on holiday. Do either of yours.nap still? That is my saving grace that toddler naps still for an hour and I shove eldest in front of a screen and then just have 50 minutes of peace. All that gets me through tbh.