Teacher married to non teacher

[allsummereverysummer]

It’s on my mind at the moment that I’m responsible for childcare every holiday until they are of an age they don’t really need it …

I know that’s obvious. I think it’s just I do the lions share of everything as it is. Feels like a long time to have them over the summer tbh.

Im just conscious for the next two years I won’t have a break at all but most parents have their children when they're not working (ie use their annual leave to cover school holidays) so it's not any different from that?

Im just conscious for the next two years I won’t have a break at all and that’s a tad daunting! But I will only have one child at a time in term time so that’s good

why would it be 2 yrs without a break?

Everyone I know either splits their annual leave so their holidays are mainly spent solo parenting or else puts their child/ren into clubs.

I’m not sure of the age of your children but I do think holidays become easier as they are older. Given you mention nursery, I’m going to assume your children are still young and at a less dependent age.

We'll pay for camps then, like everybody else.

Exactly, like most we both work FT year round. We get maybe one or two days a year with them in childcare and us at home but that's it. That's working life with young DC.

I find it really wierd that so many parents "dread" a couple of days a week with their children.

You work PT term time only and get two days a week off with no kids. Yeah I'd say the bulk falls to you.

Why is it so hard having them? Challenging behaviour/not much to do near you/large age gap so hard to find something which suits both/overall level of exhaustion from taking more of the load rest of the year/something else?

When does DP take his leave? Are you going on holiday?
Get him to book some time off so you can do things as a family, and he can do a few days on his own with them while you have a break too

It does get easier as they get older, they have playdates with friends and you can chat to their parent or swap chipdcare days with them so you both get a bit of down time. There also cheap playschemes from reception/year 1 onwards.

Apologies I read your post at 7:50 and presumed from that that you had two days over the holidays where they would be in nursery.

Im just conscious for the next two years I won’t have a break at all

I just don’t really see how this is different from your DH!
Is your problem that he isn’t engaged when he isn’t at work? Because you can’t work a term time job part time and then hold it over his head that you do the childcare in the holidays & the 2 days a week when that’s because he’s working.

Full time teachers yeah I guess this is a bit naff. I'm part time and absolutely love the holidays off with my kids, I feel so lucky I don't have to worry about childcare

Yeah this!

I get it can be daunting, when they aren’t at nursery have a plan for the day, swimming classes etc. Is your DH taking a couple of weeks off during the summer?

Tbf I think it’s the fact that your DH is away during the week, the extra pair of hands in the morning or the evening can make a lot of difference. The age is difficult as well.

Quite a few counties have 3 month summer holidays, so it could be worse.

I'm a teacher and looked after my children in the holidays when they were young. I liked having that time with them but I did find pre school years harder for that as it gives you no time to yourself during the day, though mine are 5 years apart so I didn't have two under 5s at the same time.

When eldest was 2 to 3, she went to day nursery twice a week. I had to pay anyway, so I took her there as usual - plus it kept the routine going for her.

When youngest was 3 to 4 she had a childminder 3 days a week (part time, term time nursery) so again I continued to send her when I wanted to - she could go all day as I had to pay the full day rate even though she went to nursery in term time.

At primary school some years they ran a holiday club for two to 3 weeks at their school, so I booked both in for a couple of days a week.

Other years I booked them into clubs - eg gymnastics, tennis. Those were not necessarily for more than a few hours but it gave them a routine and me a bit of a break.

We have always had a holiday as a family in the summer- usually 10 days to 2 weeks long, or sometimes 2 separate weeks, so then my DH was with us.

Other than that I made sure I met up with friends and family for days out with the children. I tried to have 2 days a week either without the children or with another adult.

I'm a teacher (secondary HoD) married to a non teacher.

To be honest, I love that I can have the holidays with my son and he doesn't have to go to holiday clubs. We have a lovely time.

My DH is self employed and works flexibly in term time to do school pick up/drop off, hold the Fort when I have parents evenings/open evening etc. We both pull our weight at home so the balance is fair.

Maybe for you, it's the balance of things generally rather than having the children in the holidays?

That said, although I absolutely love having the holidays with my son, I have one, very chilled out 10 year old. I appreciate the experience is probably very different with babies/toddlers or less chilled children.

Little kids are hard OP. It is relentless all day every day. It’s ok to feel like it is hard and a lot.

I’ve enjoyed my kids more and more every year they’ve gotten older. They’re now 10 and 13 and hanging with with them in holidays is great.
Partly because we were diligent parents during their early years and set boundaries, manners m, took them to all the sports to learn skills etc and partly they just need me in different ways.

it’s also ok to put the oxygen mask on - I’m hearing you’re feeling like there’s not much gas in the tank so to speak. It’s ok to make sure you’re getting enough time to recharge on your weekends etc. I wish I did a better job of that with kids that age. I’d see if there’s a 2 hour block you can regularly carve out to leave the house on your own with no kids just so you feel like you can breathe.

I'm sorry I don't follow this line of thinking at all. How is is exhausting for the OP. She has two free days a week during term time.
I can't see anything the father has down wrong here.
To me this is just life. He works and I mind the kids when I'm off during the holidays
There's no tit for tat or point scoring.

Once children are school age it’s generally not nearly as hard going, by age 6/7 they’re generally rational human beings and can do their own thing for parts of days. And if they’re at school 5 days a week and you work anything less than 5 you’ll get a term time day to yourself every week. Most people don’t get that.

I’m a TA not a teacher (yet!) but I sort of get what you mean. When I was working in a similar age group to my children I felt a bit resentful that I dealt with other people’s children all day and then had to deal with my own in the evening (we were at a tricky age) and it was exhausting never ever getting a break from the constant demands of small people. As my own children have got bigger this feeling has gone away to a large extent.

i’m also ND and can get ‘people’d out’ after a while.

it’s hard when you give yourself so much to the 30 or so kids in your care during the day, you can feel like your own family miss out. You end up with a weird mix of resentment and guilt. I found handing my own kids over to a grandparent for a few days in the summer really really helpful! It gave me a few days away from the demands and a mental break that I really really needed.

Agree. Why have children if you don't want to spend time with them? My son is a teacher and his wife has to cover/book leave for absolutely everything in term time.

They are your children. Organise whatever suits you. Put them in a summer camp in Cornwall for 6 weeks if that is what you want.

Most teachers value the summer break because they do get to spend that time with their children - even though it can seem 'long' at times.

You chose to be a teacher, you chose to have children. Solve the issue to suit you.

Because parenting is a two person responsibility at all times. Yes he’s at work, but the op also mentions he works away. It reads like the majority of childcare (whether they’re with the op or at nursery) falls solely to the op - that is a problem. If the op and her husband separated (and I’m absolutely not suggesting that) he would have to start thinking about what he had to do for his share of the summer holidays. Why does it have to come to extremes before some dads have to consider their children at all times? Childcare isn’t fully woman-work regardless of her own circumstances.

I'm a teacher and when the kids were nursery age they kept those days during the school holidays so I always had 2 days a week to myself to decompress, get things done. Now they're both primary they go to their regular out of school care for 2 days a week during the holidays for 3-4 weeks. I couldn't make it through the holidays without a little respite (in the last week of the break I usually go into work as well for a day or two to prepare). There's nothing wrong with arranging some childcare/holiday club. My DH also has one day a week at home and I try to give him a break on those days by getting the kids out of the house during the school holidays.

I have to say that this is one of the reasons I became a teacher (single parent mature student). I did have work to do in the holidays but I could do it with my child in the house or take her in with me to clear or prepare my classroom etc. I didn't resent any of the time spent with her.

It sounds like your kids are young. Once they are school age they are so much easier. I used to make sure we had an activity a day planned to get us out of the house. Lots of these were free or very cheap:
Park - tried to meet up with friends, we had loads of good local parks around us so would try and do a different one each week. None were that big but it's different equipment and I'd take lunch with us.
Library - they do a reading challenge so we went in once a week to change books plus they often had free colouring/treasure hunt activities on.
I'd do a couple of trips on the bus or train again just for a change of scenery! Country park used to do a group activity once a week was only a couple of pounds. Try and arrange to meet up with friends. I used to take them to stay with my parents for a week. I'd also check the local Facebook groups to see what was going on. There's a couple of small museums near us that would put events on.

I used to write a list of all these things on a piece of paper and put it on the fridge.

They both chose to have children! The children they made a both fully their responsibility! Good god this site is absolutely rife with internalised misogyny at times.