Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

[ForBetterForWorseOrNot]

15 years and two kids down the line into out relationship, 6 weeks until our wedding and his on about calling the whole thing off because his not happy how I haven't lost the weight he wants me to before the wedding. Apparently I have made absolutely no effort. Doesn't matter that I have organised the whole thing whilst working a full time job, learning a new role in a job I hate because he wanted me to find something that pays better.

My hen is supposed to be this weekend with my bf, his sil his dm, his eldest niece and a couple others mainly his family. Everything was fine earlier today. His said so many times how I've not lost the weight but that he loves me anyway and I know his going to marry me either way. Currently on holiday with the kids, his taken a few photos today, zoomed in on me, sent them to me this evening and resulted to silent treatment. When I asked him about it he said I've made no effort at all about my weight and that his going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off.

Right now I'm not sure I want to marry him after this. But if he does would it be wrong to tell people exactly what's happened and tell him the house is going on the market. How can you tell your partner of 15 years she's overweight (size 16 to 18) and your calling off the wedding that's 6 weeks away to callingvher babe in the same sentence. He was literally cuddling up to me in the pub watching the England match 5 hours ago.

Ditch the arsehole. I voted YABU for considering marrying this prick.

Oh my god OP I am speechless what a fucking cunt. I'm so sorry this is happening to you!!

Why on earth do you want to marry this man?

Is this a joke?!

It sounds like an excuse to me. He's got cold feet for some reason and has decided to blame it on you.

15 years is a long time to walk away. Throw in 2 kids, one with additional needs and a mortgage, not to mention the fact I love him to bits and have stood by him no matter what, I just wish he would do the same. He doesn't realise the negative comments knock me for six and are a large part of why I have struggled to commit to losing the weight in the first place. I need to feel like if I do it that it's for me not some ultimatum. Otherwise what happens if I gain anything after the wedding? A divorce?.

If he isn't just saying this after a few too many. Would I be unreasonable to message his family in the hen group and just say, enjoy the weekend I hope you all celebrate that his called it off as he thinks im too fat for him to marry as effectively that's exactly what his saying.

I agree.

How can you even contemplate marrying him? How? Why?

Cancel the hen and the wedding, and tell him to move out. He is vile.

Why do you "love him to bits "? He sounds worthless.

Look up "sunk cost fallacy."
You need not doom yourself to this for life.

you can say what you want to whomever you want. what a difficult comment to hear at this very hectic time.
i'm sorry he's putting you through this.

Sounds like he's anxious about money?

There is no way you can love a man to bits after being treated this way. Not possible. What you're feeling is not love, it's desperation. You are gaslighting yourself because the thought of this relationship being over is currently too hard for you to deal with.

Wow he sounds like a catch 😵‍💫
Perhaps throw it back at him - good idea darling, I'm having doubts about your commitment to me as you're shallow and have no qualms about trying to control me

@theyoungishman sadly no joke.

I have stood by him no matter what for years and some of them have been real tough. Right now I just want to get in my car and drive home but it's a 5 hour drive and frankly I don't think 2am is a sensible time to do so especially when it means packing up and waking the kids, then driving home.

I really started to believe when he said that he would be marrying me regardless that he meant it. I guess now I know he doesn't think I'm worth it.

You've already had to stand by him, but he has never stood by you.

He has pushed you into a job you don't enjoy because you weren't earning enough to suit him.

He thinks it's okay to dictate what size of bride he gets and has told you that you don't make the grade.

What exactly is it that you love to bits?

Chuck him out of the house.

If you magically lost a couple of stone then it will be something else. You hair will be too long, then you cut it and he doesn't like it.

It's a form of coercive control, he wants you on edge at all times.

The first red flag was him wanting you to lose weight for the wedding at all. Either he wants to marry you or he doesn't, no conditions. When you think hard about it, how many other ways does he control you - what you can spend, who you can see, how often you can go out for instance? How many other things about your appearance/personality/intelligence etc does he comment on?

I'd take him at his word cancel the wedding. I know you feel like you've invested too much into this relationship to let it go but as someone has already posted - Google the sunk cost fallacy.

Please dump this total loser, you'll be much happier.

this is awful. while there are surely people who have lost attraction to a partner over time because of physical changes, a decent person would never tell them that was the reason.

The crap with the photos sounds abusive. Please seriously rethink marrying him. I am sorry this is happening to you.

For the love of God OP, please don't marry this man. Would it be fair to assume that this isn't just an out of character wobble but instead a not unusual type of behavior on his part? You don't have to marry someone that makes you feel like shit. He's showing you who he is and he does know that he's being unkind, he just doesn't care. Take the power out of his hands and call it off. This doesn't have to be your forever.

Do not marry him, you will regret it. And don't let him come grovelling back, he's shown you who his is.

He knows what it does to you.

he enjoys what it does.

The answer to him saying that he is going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off

should be

Go ahead. At this stage I don’t think this relationship is something I wish to continue.

Do not marry this man, he is disgusting. Yes it’s fine to tell people what he is like.

He thinks you're worthless and he can do better. That's why he's told you to lose weight, the fucked up zooming in on pictures, threatening to call off the wedding to humiliate you, sulking and complaining and telling you he guesses he's obligated to marry you anyway.

He's setting you up to feel self conscious and embarrassed, anxious and timid, grooming you to believe you need to be grateful for anything he gives you, chipping away at your self respect so you're easier to control and manipulate.

You deserve a much better future than this and so do your kids. You won't be sorry if you plan and execute a future without him, regardless of how hard it is it first, it will be worth it.

DO NOT MARRY HIM. The next thing is he will be having an affair, and blaming you because you didn't lose the weight.