Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

[ForBetterForWorseOrNot]

15 years and two kids down the line into out relationship, 6 weeks until our wedding and his on about calling the whole thing off because his not happy how I haven't lost the weight he wants me to before the wedding. Apparently I have made absolutely no effort. Doesn't matter that I have organised the whole thing whilst working a full time job, learning a new role in a job I hate because he wanted me to find something that pays better.

My hen is supposed to be this weekend with my bf, his sil his dm, his eldest niece and a couple others mainly his family. Everything was fine earlier today. His said so many times how I've not lost the weight but that he loves me anyway and I know his going to marry me either way. Currently on holiday with the kids, his taken a few photos today, zoomed in on me, sent them to me this evening and resulted to silent treatment. When I asked him about it he said I've made no effort at all about my weight and that his going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off.

Right now I'm not sure I want to marry him after this. But if he does would it be wrong to tell people exactly what's happened and tell him the house is going on the market. How can you tell your partner of 15 years she's overweight (size 16 to 18) and your calling off the wedding that's 6 weeks away to callingvher babe in the same sentence. He was literally cuddling up to me in the pub watching the England match 5 hours ago.

Lose 200 pounds at one go and tell him to get to fuck. Just throw the whole man out.

If its not weight it will be something else to flunk you over. And don’t kid yourself that he “doesn’t know ” how this hurts you, or fucks with your head, or demotivates you. Of course he knows! He gets off on abusing you.

My guess is that marrying you was something he felt forced to do by expectation or convention and making you jump through another hoop or start off the marriage apologizing and begging him to go through with it although you “failed” the test restores his sense of power.

He is an absolutely shit human being. Ive easily put on 60 pounds during my 34 years with my dh. Of course he loves me anyway. If your bf sets you this ridiculous task at the outset things will only get worse.

Make up your mind to dump him, close your eyes, get some sleep, and drive home tomorrow. Start a new life without him.

You "love him to bits" - I despair. Why on earth do you want to marry this charmer? I would have taken off years ago.

He doesn't realise the negative comments knock me for six

Yes he does - that's why he says them. He enjoys putting you down.

I'm really sorry you've invested yourself in supporting this abusive twat through some hard times.

He's been telling you you don't earn enough, aren't thin enough, I bet there's more. You sound like a lovely fiancée, but he's always going to find ways to undermine you. He's controlled your hen weekend and will find a way to ruin your big day for you if you're daft enough to go through with it.

The good news is, you don't have to go on the weekend and you definitely don't have to marry him! Maybe drive off with the DC tomorrow and leave him there?

Wishing you good luck, clear traffic and a following wind.

Please, please don't marry this man.
I have just escaped from a nine year relationship where I adored my ex husband but he had similar issues with my weight. Over the period we were together I went from 12st and a size 10-12 to 7st and a size 4. I was subjected to weekly weigh ins and was denied things I wanted like children/holidays and day to day simple love and affection because I hadn't met the arbitrary targets he set for me. I see the eating disorder team because it will take a LIFETIME to fix the damaged relationship I have with my body because of him.
I know you love him, because I loved my ex. I I can't imagine how much more difficult life will be without him but it will be significantly more difficult if you stay together and put yourself and your children through a lifetime of the abuse this shows he is capable of. You are strong enough to do it I promise ❤️

Why marriage now after all this time? I don't mean that rudely, I'm wondering if it's possible he never intended to get married and put this condition on it as an out, so he could then say it's all your fault you're not married and he would have married you if you'd lost the weight. Which I doubt. I walked away from 20+ years with 3 Austic DC and too sick to work, best thing I ever did. Dont stay for the past. You deserve better than this. Being overweight doesn't make you less worth marrying, this is his probelm. What he's doing is cruel and nasty, decent people don't treat people they love that way.

Does his behavior shows that he also loves you to bits? No, it doesn’t.
You don’t need someone who treats you like this, let him call off the wedding and get rid of him.

The absolute only reason you should go ahead with the marriage now is if you’re not on the mortgage / deeds of the house. You need to see a solicitor either way.

You would be extremely unreasonable to go ahead and marry this scumbag!

If your daughter told you this about her relationship, what would you tell her to do?

@ForBetterForWorseOrNot 15 years is a long time, but so is the next 30.

you don’t deserve this.

Please do not marry him.

What an absolute fucking loser.

I’d let him tell all your friends, family and guests why the wedding will be off. He can tell them the truth, that he isn’t happy with your weight. I bet he won’t though. They’re normally cowards, men like him.

He is a misogynistic arsehole OP and you deserve better. How dare he. I wouldn’t marry him no. You have a good opportunity to take the power back. I’d forward his horrible abusive messages to his family and tell them exactly why you’re calling it off, tell them how you told us, that he had threatened to call it off for unforeseen reasons because he believes you are overweight. Then I’d not give him a second thought, order my favourite fucking meal with dessert and start making plans for the future. You deserve better. You deserve love and happiness.

I can't believe what I've just read. Please do not marry this prick.

Blimey op; he’s a charmer alright.

I’d be tempted to walk down the aisle and then turn around and say the wedding is off and hand out copies of his text messages

to the assembled congregation.

But probably less time consuming to send them to the hen night invitees.

He’s utterly vile. Please leave this relationship as soon as possible.

Why would someone need you to lose weight for a wedding when you have been together so long?

You can lose 13-14 stone with no diet by ditching this cunt.

Don't marry him, he doesn't love you

What a horrible nasty man. Please don’t marry him

Don't marry him, he doesn't love you. Yes you can tell people why the wedding is cancelled. Why is it basically his family who are going to your hen? If it's because you don't have friends think about the real reasons behind this.

I've just walked away from a fifteen year relationship, twelve of them married, two young kids. I know it's really fucking hard but we deserve better.

Nothing will be worse for your mental health and self respect than marrying him.

It sounds like he’s emotionally abusive to you. Clearly you’re not his priority or in love with you as he’s saying this stuff and behaving like this. Ditch him.

That’s what you’re taken from this thread is it?

No decent man would do this. This is so wrong and a huge red flag. Do not marry this man

What a nasty piece of work this man is. Zooming in on pictures of you and showing them to you?! What an absolute prick. Don’t marry him - he’s an abuser. He doesn’t love you as he wouldn’t treat you this way if he did. Don’t marry him - and yes you should tell everyone exactly why.