Bride in need I really don't know where to turn

[ForBetterForWorseOrNot]

15 years and two kids down the line into out relationship, 6 weeks until our wedding and his on about calling the whole thing off because his not happy how I haven't lost the weight he wants me to before the wedding. Apparently I have made absolutely no effort. Doesn't matter that I have organised the whole thing whilst working a full time job, learning a new role in a job I hate because he wanted me to find something that pays better.

My hen is supposed to be this weekend with my bf, his sil his dm, his eldest niece and a couple others mainly his family. Everything was fine earlier today. His said so many times how I've not lost the weight but that he loves me anyway and I know his going to marry me either way. Currently on holiday with the kids, his taken a few photos today, zoomed in on me, sent them to me this evening and resulted to silent treatment. When I asked him about it he said I've made no effort at all about my weight and that his going to message everyone saying due to unforseen circumstances the wedding is off.

Right now I'm not sure I want to marry him after this. But if he does would it be wrong to tell people exactly what's happened and tell him the house is going on the market. How can you tell your partner of 15 years she's overweight (size 16 to 18) and your calling off the wedding that's 6 weeks away to callingvher babe in the same sentence. He was literally cuddling up to me in the pub watching the England match 5 hours ago.

Omg. I literally have no words 😞.

OP please do not marry this man!!!

So he watched the football and was cuddly, he gets verbally aggressive when drunk. Issues in the past. Obviously this is not the first time something like this has happened but this is a wake up call. Very difficult as it has been so long. I was with someone like this. Blinkered because when in good form all seems ok. Then being gaslighted. And so it goes on. You deserve better.

Another small percentage to votes YABU, what the fuck? IMO you are NOT BU, he sounds like an absolute prick, cut your losses NOW before you marry a controlling bullying narc. He will only get worse once you are married. He sounds like he thinks hr owns you and you should obey him, he’s living in a dream world. Your kids will think this behaviour is normal. Honestly leave him, first few months will be hard but do not marry this man!!! And to those of you who voted YABU SHAME ON YOU

If you don’t cancel before the wedding, you will find yourself facing him at the altar, unable to say your vows and able to believe his vows because you know exactly what he thinks of you now, he couldn’t have made it more clear and you are right to be in shock and questioning this position he’s put you in. He may have been drunk when he did and said what he did, but alcohol gave him the courage to say what he was thinking ….if only she were perfect, I could be happy. None of us are perfect.
You would know in your heart that his vows and your own vows meant nothing and you would be wondering what the heck you were going through this charade for.
I can’t think of any more miserable scenario than that.
The exact opposite of a wonderful day …a sham day in fact.

So yes OP, you can send that text to your future in laws explaining exactly why the wedding is off. You wouldn’t be unreasonable to do that at all. You would be wise to call it off.

He has a lot of work to do before you to agree to consider marrying him again. The sooner you confront this ugly side of his attitude, the sooner he can start that work. ( if you even want to be bothered)
Don’t accept this bullying with these drunken insults from him any more and don’t let him sweep what he’s done under the carpet. He will do it again and always blame you instead of looking to himself.
Good luck. Put yourself and the children first.

Please don't marry him. Its very hard to get a divorce 😪 At the moment you are free. Where is home? You said 5 hours away. Is it your own place?

What are you on about????

He’s a Narcissist plain and simple read your post back to yourself
you are doing a job you hate for him FOR HIM?? Tell this cockwomble that you’ve decided you don’t wanna marry his horrible mean ass and kick him to the curb!!

@ForBetterForWorseOrNot I hope you have a brilliant night out with your friends and when you talk everything through and evaluate where you're at now and where this relationship is likely to go in the future, have in the back of your mind the traditional wedding vows

'for better, for worse'

'in sickness and in health'

Your partner's let out what's really on his mind, it isn't a sudden, stupid passing thought. What he said was hurtful and undermines you and it won't be easily forgotten. How would he react if something happened to you beyond anyone's control? If, for argument's sake you lost a limb, your mobility, your hair, or one of any number of things that people have to deal with, would he love you just as much, or would he be 'this isn't what I signed up for' this is too inconvenient, or I don't like looking at you any more? To me, when you marry, you commit to loving your partner, supporting them and having their back whatever happens. If you want to lose weight, you try and do it for you and in your own time frame. Your future husband should be loving and taking you as you are, not returning you until you fit the bill.

Very few people are 100% good or bad, and we only have one side of the conversation, but from what you've said here, the checks and balances for the partnership don't look very favourable to me: far from it.

Run as fast as you can, he's horrible.

I would say to him, I think you sending that message was a really good idea because I realise I do not actually want to marry you.

He doesn’t love you. You deserve proper love. Stay away from that shit bag of a man.

I’m sorry, but is he Perfect? Is he a ripped God, wealthy, kind, charming and totally loves you unconditionally? What? No? Maybe this is what he needs to change to be worthy of marrying you?

ACTUALLY bloomingbonkerz you r doin a job hates, for SELF

The job doin, just makes feel better and good about self.
There is NO such thing as a selfless good dead

That IS probably what he WANTS.
> The aim here IS 2 make U collapse and get rid of HIM.
It IS about the settlement - If U get rid of HIM - he IS the WINNER.

Believe me if you marry him you will regret it for the rest of your life. I was married to a 'man' like this for 20 years until I saw the light. Ditch him now and save yourself a lot of heartbreak.

Unfortunately, this is why you should get a ring on your finger before having kids. He’s strung you along for 15 years, I’m guessing putting off the commitment of marriage for one reason or another. And now you’re 6 weeks away from the wedding he’s resorting to personal insults about your weight as the reason to cancel.
I would suggest you could lose the weight of this gaslighting tosser as a way of feeling better. Surely being single is better than tolerating this behaviour?

Although I can see the practical advantages of getting married to this arsehole from a financial perspective I imagine divorcing him will be a living hell. You are looking at having to suck this sort of bullshit up through the duration of the wedding and honeymoon (with digs left, right and centre about your weight) and then wait a couple of years and he will raise merry hell.

I honestly don’t think its worth it even for the money.

Fuck him off now. Anything is better than letting this odious little man think he has won.

A wedding is NOT just a single day.
Anybody CAN B in the pictures.
A wedding IS the rest of UR life.
> use THAT, as motivation.
Go AHEAD with the wedding AS planned.
> Join Slimming World / similar 4 U - lose the weight because U WANT 2
Feel good about URself AGAIN - U WILL also attrack LOT`S of guys - show him WHAT he IS missing - U can THEN do as U please - having WON the battle.
He WILL B balding AND getting a belly - SHOW him WHAT he IS missin out on

Yes, OP clearly needs to do exactly what her fiance is demanding in order to teach him a lesson. With the added bonus that she may attract a load of other men who are just as shallow as he is.....

Exactly - Flirting IS FUN
Get the attention OF guys - ENJOY the drinks, the complements
OP clearly NOT desperate 2 settle down - play the dating game
It does NOT have 2 B goin ANYWHERE

The end is JUST the beginning
Do U KNOW the divorce rate
All divorces START with marriage

Not unreasonable. However I suggest a better text would be along the lines of ... x wants to call the wedding off because I haven't achieved his target bridal weight. I have also decided that this is a great suggestion as I don't want to controlled in any way (weight or job). Have a fab time and remember, send him the bill!

I still don't get what the fuck you're on about! And your shouting every second word makes it even harder to read.

By the way.... a marriage is "for life", a wedding is for 1 day.