I'm a MILF apparently...

[JustAnotherIdiotAgain]

Just seen a WhatsApp chat (showed to me by DP) where I have been referred to by one of his friends as a MILF.... I'm fucking fuming. Trying not to overreact but the bloody cheek...
Personally I find this dismissive and insulting but didn't think I would be quite this angry. Happy to be told I'm overreacting but not sure I can let this slide!

And did your DP pull him up on it and tell them not to be disrespectful about you, or did he say 'cheers lol'?

I'd be mortified my partner associated with men who think it's ok to talk about women like that. What was his attitude when he showed it to you?

Initially I laughed it off but it's stuck in my head and made me really cross. Shared this with DP and he says he will pull him up on it but I feel guilty as it was obviously a lads chat.

🙄

Couldn’t read your post properly for all the tickets on yourself 😁

Couldn't get myself worked up about this 🥴

I agree with this.
Does your DP generally talk with his pals about women in this way?
And why does he think it's acceptable for his friends to talk about you in the conversation?
I don't agree that it's " just lads chat". That's just normalising a disrespectful, sexist attitude to women.
Why would you want to be with a man who thinks women are just sex objects?

@JustAnotherIdiotAgain what do you have to feel guilty about? Did DP not taks

Your dp should have called his friend out without even mentioning it to you.
Why would he show you the What’s app?

I always thought it’s what immature young adult lads said.
Do you have a huge age gap?
Regardless it’s disrespectful.

Sorry, posted too soon! Did your DP not realize that it was offensive? He should have told his friend what a disgusting letch he is immediately.

Why do you think you’re being unreasonable? Why do you feel guilty? I’d feel insulted to be spoken about in that way, particularly in ‘lad’s chat’ that my OWN husband was involved in! Why isn’t he angry? Does he feel flattered to have his wife spoken about in that way? What was his response? Do you secretly feel flattered to being called a MILF?

She already said she's "fucking fuming", why do you think she's flattered?

I'd hate it too. I hate the term "milf" anyway and that one of your DH's friends used it about you was disrespectful and gross.

Not that it really makes it much better, but that unpleasant little acronym has largely passed into common usage by people who either don't stop to think much about what it actually stands for, or maybe don't even know.

I read (on MN, iirc) ages ago about a wedding speech given by the bride's father, where he referred to the groom's mother as a MILF, and instantly, you could have heard a pin drop.

It turned out that he had heard the term and genuinely just believed it was a colloquial word meaning a classy, attractive older lady who took pride in her appearance - not the faintest idea about where the term actually came from!

Tbh I've not heard anyone say it for years. It's something a friend of mines daughters friends used to say about her when they were teens. Her daughter is late 20's now with 2 children of her own. She wasn't offended by it laughed it off.

Really?
Apparently MILF is one of the most popular porn search terms.
Just because your friend wasn't offended doesn't mean it isn't offensive to talk about women in such a way.

She also said ‘initially I laughed it off!’

I'd be more angry with my husband for showing me the comment really. People say stupid things all the time . Presumably they didn't know he'd show you. It would make me feel self conscious knowing this and that's what I'd be annoyed with my husband about.

So you would be happy for your DH and his friends to talk about you in an offensive way so long as it was behind your back and you didn't get to hear about it?

This was not designed to be read by you. Idk why he showed you. A one off comment would have had me rolling my eyes. Anything more and I’d expect it to be shut down by my partner.

No , I wouldn't be happy about it and I'd expect him to shut it down and not show me and not involve me in the childish chat between him and his friends.

Your dh is a DICK apparently ...

All men talk like this when there’s no women around to hear it. Even the quiet ones. Even the nice respectful ones. I’m the only female in an all male workplace and subsequently they’ve all let their guard down around me and I can assure you that even your lovely husbands that wouldn’t say boo to a goose… talk about women like this

Not ALL men. That is patently not true

Do you pull your work colleagues up on it if they talk like that around you? Because you shouldn't have to put up with it at work.

There are men who actually see women as human beings and don't talk like that.

Inappropriate comment however attractive men find you.

That is simply untrue.