I'm a MILF apparently...

[JustAnotherIdiotAgain]

Just seen a WhatsApp chat (showed to me by DP) where I have been referred to by one of his friends as a MILF.... I'm fucking fuming. Trying not to overreact but the bloody cheek...
Personally I find this dismissive and insulting but didn't think I would be quite this angry. Happy to be told I'm overreacting but not sure I can let this slide!

@HeadNorth its nothing to do with the circles we mix in. When I say they all do it, I mean all of them, from the apprentice to the CEO, across a multitude of large and small companies. A wide variety of “circles” I dare say but this “banter” crosses all of them. I would add that they never do it within earshot of their wives or girlfriends - I am always amused at how much better they behave at events where partners are invited!

When I first read this I thought it was your son's friend didn't realise it was your DP's friend until I re read it. I would be fuming purely because of the age reference and the fact he was referring to you as a Mother, if you are older than your husband I would be incensed. If not why would your DP show you this and why does he hang out with such morons. As for the disrespect on all levels don't get me started, total idiots all round.

No. My husband very clearly called out the men on his pool team every time. The younger ones rolled their eyes at him, but shut up, the older, married ones were suitably apologetic. When he died they all, without exception, spoke about how much they respected his moral compass.

Literally couldn’t care less, if someone said it about me. I’ve been referred to as variations on MILF by people of all ages and both sexes. I’ve never really thought about the porn association, I thought it just started as a naff way of describing someone who is older that you find attractive a bit like silver fox.

It isn't all men, I can't imagine my DH behaving like this at all - I think my son would find it sleazy as well. didn't actually know what it stood for.

I've never liked the stripper thing at hen parties either and wouldn't go if I thought there was going to be one. I just don't like that sort of thing so I think it entirely possible that there are men who find it horrible as well even if it's only a few of them!

This would give me the ICK.

So after the " all men talk about women in a vile way" we are getting the " all men watch porn" assertion are we?

Well I'm willing to accept men who talk in a derogatory way about women watch porn but it doesn't mean that " all men " do either or both.

Me too.

On the face of it they were great lads. Mothers brought their lunches in. Great to work with. But obviously in their private chat was a little bit more darker than they were willing to share with women.

And what should I have said to the police? I seen a video of a woman in a gimp mask strung up like a pig with an electronic dildo in her? Considering the police’s conduct recently I’m sure they would have been happy to be sent it their selves ..

Or should I have ran off with the phone?

Also angry I can't counter it because I'm not friends with this guy. Guess I'll just have to rise above it and hope I never cross his path!

I agree with the poster who said women do this too. I've heard women in the workplace commenting on men's 'nice bums' for example. I've also witnessed far more than comments when out and about where there are hen nights going on. Neither behaviour is acceptable yet it appears its only men who are called out on it 🤔

@Buildingthefuture I can assure you it has everything to do with the circles we mix in and obviously we work in different sectors with different cultures. My DH once took a job with a work place culture that sounds like the sort you are used to. He found it intolerable and left. It was his first time in encountering that sort of culture and it was not for him - in fact he retrained entirely so it was a blessing in disguise. For the record, the women in that industry went along with the sexist 'bantz' so it was very hard for him to challenge. But he loathed it.

I work in a sector where that would not be tolerated and that comes from the top. Such places and people do exist, you know. I can accept your sexist cesspits still exist so you must also accept workplaces with a culture of dignity and respect also exist.

Did you? Even now that you know what the acronym means…?

You were the one who brought up the fact they should have been sent to the police, not me. I was just questioning why, if you thought that, you didn't.
And really the fact you are relishing describing the example of what you saw is pretty sick.

I highly doubt he was actually going to call them out on it. Do you really expect him to go back on the group chat and start berating this guy. They'll absolutely rip the piss out of him if he does.

This

“I am always amused at how much better they behave at events where partners are invited!”

Women are a civilising influence on men, left to their own devices they’re disgusting little cretins…

I knew what it meant, I just never thought it was particularly offensive, as I say I’ve heard it used by men and women alike and think the fact that it’s fuck not fancy is literally just semantics.

Never crossed my mind that anyone would be infuriated by it but that happens to me a lot on mumsnet which is one of the benefits of being on here. (I never knew people would be offended by someone hanging their knickers on a washing line that other people could see either).

Totally agree - they would. Which is why I came on here to ask for advice. I think there is nothing to do but ignore and carry on but I am seething and didn't expect to feel like this.

I’ve seen bad behaviour on hen dos but let’s not pretend it’s even on the same scale.

Women might compliment a man’s arse but the reality of sexual assault is real when it’s men putting that attention on women.

Let’s not pretend it’s the same

Quite...which is why I find it so funny when women say, oh my dh wouldn't dream of saying that let alone hang around other men who do!

Your seething?

Better than being called an ugly cunt, I guess.

I work in a sector where you'd never expect to hear such language yet on social evenings after a few drinks comments are made by people you would never expect it from in day to day life.

Well most of the comments to the OP don't reflect the voting!

Wouldn't bother me and I'd be secretly flattered (so shoot me...)