to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

Depends if the child is 11 or 15 really. I don't get up on my day off now for my 15yo although I am usually awake. I always got up when they were Y7/8.

I am a SAHM and always up before everyone else each day. The household wouldn't run smoothly otherwise. I have teenagers and primary aged children at home. Busy household.

One off or regular, do they pull their weight around the house otherwise.

I don't think a parent should have to be up early and available every single morning, no.

I have a 16 and 13yo and am awake but don’t need to get up and oversee them. They’ll let me know if there’s a problem but they are usually perfectly fine.

I do think it depends on the age. My 17yo doesn't need anything from me but my 12yo needs a lot!

Well since DS became a teenager we expected him to get himself up and sort out his own uniform emergencies as often we had already headed out to work.

I mean I would expect an able bodied adult to be up in the morning, more to provide a bit of company for his DC, but I would expect a tween/ teen to get their own things ready.

It really depends. When I was a teenager I often wanted to say to my mother, would you just stop fussing around me please, in the mornings.

There comes a time when you are perfectly capable of getting up and dressed and getting your books together. If you can't do that when you're 14, 15, 16 then there's a problem.

11, 12, 13 not so much.

Depends what you mean by high school age.

As said depends on the age. My girls could get themselves up and out at 13. My DD who is autistic and has a level of LD's could at 14, she started to independently travel on one bus and a train. I was a LP and sometimes had to leave for work. In a functional household with spare, clean uniform, well stocked pens etc and discussion the night before, everyone should be able to be self sufficient.

Definitely.

My ds would never get to school, partly because he sleeps like the dead and doesn't hear alarms, and partly because I have to drive him 6 miles to the school bus stop. 🙂

Plus it's hardly setting a good example, is it?

This. The staying up late gaming is a different matter.

I don't get up before my 13yo ds. He is old enough to organise himself.

Uniform issues in a teenager?

Depends on their age. I have one day off a week and sleep terribly so will often now take the opportunity to sleep in on that day. My 15 year old is fine at getting up and out. I wouldn’t have done it at 11/12 though.

Mine are 10 and 13 I'm a SAHP and I chose to get up before the 13 year old. To be honest she's very organised but I like to see her before she goes off for the day.

DS is 7 and gets up before us! He wakes up at the crack of dawn, much earlier than he needs to, and goes downstairs to watch tv.

I’m not getting up at 6 am when I don’t need to be up until 7:30, just to watch him watching cartoons for 90 mins. We get up when he needs to start getting ready for school, and supervise him.

Age is very important here. When my dd was in primary I was up getting things sorted for her but by around 12 she was sorting herself out and didn't need me.

I tend to get up before my children, but that is because I enjoy the peace and quiet. They are capable of getting themselves ready, and if they can't find their PE or have forgotten to tell me they need food tech ingredients, that's for them to sort out. They can also use their judgement and wake one of us up if a parent is actually needed for stuff like broken bikes, or illness which are I think the only reasons they've actually needed a parent in the last couple of years. To be honest, I've often left for work before they go to school anyway.

Well I'm currently in bed on Mumsnet while DD14 gets herself ready for school. If I'm WFH I normally just get up to say bye when she leaves at 815. If I'm going into the office I might have a bit more interaction as I'll be up earlier too. If she was struggling with organisation etc I'd get up earlier to oversee stuff but there's not much to do other than make sure she has some breakfast?

I was about 7 when my mum stopped getting out of bed to get me up, sort breakfast, remind me to brush my teeth, make sure I left for school okay on my own… she was in bed fast asleep.
It was really fucking sad, I used to see other kids walking to school with a parent and I just felt really unloved!!
My youngest is now 12 and I’m up every morning to sit with him while he has breakfast and to say goodbye when he leaves. I don’t log on until 9 and could feasibly get up at 8:30 for a shower before starting work but I get up at 6:30 for him.
I might feel differently about not doing it the odd morning if I hadn’t had the upbringing I had but I can’t erase the past and those feelings of no one giving a shit about me so I will happily continue.
I don’t think the occasional one off is neglectful - once they are at senior school they should be able to manage the morning routine just fine (obviously there are exceptions to this, not all dc are NT and some may need more support than others), but I don’t like the idea of any of mine having no one there for them in the morning.

I get up early and support my 13yo (and 11yo who's nearly there) but they both have executive function issues so need more guidence than average.

DM got up to take me to school, but I got myself up and ready long before she was in action for the day all the way through junior school.

If avaliable, it's nice to check that an older child is ready and sorted for the day before leaving, but the majority of older children/ teenagers shouldn't need much practical input.

Surely one of the benefits of having older children is that you no longer need to get up early with them every single day?

Would it be (practically speaking) any different if the parent was working (and out the door at 5am) or sleeping because they were on nights?

Or is it just the gaming people are objecting to?

I was a SAHM for many years and considered it my 'job', so yes, I got up (and still do, tbh) every morning. Not to make their breakfast or chivvy them into clothes or whatever- as a teenager they should be doing that themselves- but sometimes they needed a reminder of something needed for school, or I needed to clarify about after school activities and if they needed to be picked up.

But mostly I got up because I like to see them off to school. My mother used to stay in bed until I'd left for school, and it made me feel a bit uncared-for, I suppose (although there were many other reasons why I felt like that anyway), so I've always got up for my dc.

Now I'm returning to work I sometimes have to leave before they do, but I'm still up with them for a while.

I’ve 4 primary aged kids and since youngest was about 4, they all get up ahead of DH and I and get dressed and breakfast. We’re not up late playing video games but work full time and value our sleep. Also hugely value independence in our kids. I do like to stay in bed with a coffee while they mill about getting organised. I lay out uniforms the night before but we expect our kids to do what they can for themselves. They get a proper family meal every evening and homework supervised. But I love lying in bed with my coffee knowing they are sorting themselves out before I come down to make lunch boxes.

DC is 15.

She doesn't need us to do anything, she can feed, dress herself etc but I think it's just nicer for DC if the house is already 'up'when they get up.

The radio is on, I make her a cup of tea, she gets herself ready and makes her own lunch etc. We have a chat about the day etc. There rarely are any issues but if there are I am on hand to help.

At exHs house she's leaving the house without having seen him.

It isn't a one off. It's every morning that she's at his.

Ex grew up a latchkey kid who had to fend for himself whereas I grew up in a home much like my own so obviously we're replicating what we know but I know that DD also likes the way we do it at mine.

He's great in other ways and it's not a huge thing so not going to make an issue out of it but he is generally a bit lazy.

I really don't see the issue with a 15 year old getting themselves up and ready for school alone.

It sounds like you feel it's lazy rather than because it's a necessity - I mean, I assume you would feel differently if he'd already left for work, or was on nights, for example?