to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

There's no way I could just lie in bed whilst DC get organised and head out themselves.

I did that myself as a latch key kid and wouldn't inflict that on my DC unless absolutely necessary due to work.

I like to be about to make sure they're on time and give them a lift to the bus stop if it's raining. But also just for a chat and to see them off.

I think it's fine. Sometimes I'm up with my teenagers, other times not. It depends what time DS gets up.
They are very independent though as in the past I've been off to work at 2:30 in the morning so they got used to sorting themselves out. DH is usually around until 7:30 but he doesn't do anything for them. Tbh none of us are morning people so even when I'm up they usually just talk to me in grunts.

At 15 I’d be expecting them to be able to deal with any uniform or other issues themselves - I don’t agree with not getting up with them though. I wouldn’t like the first time I saw my teen to be at 4 in the afternoon when she eventually gets home.

To be honest my 15 year old would be annoyed at me trying to chat when she's getting ready. Getting her eyeliner just right trumps talking to mom lol

I'm already at work by the time dd alarm goes off. And I'm home then for when she gets home, dumps her bags etc then we sit in the kitchen and catch up on each others day.

You are being very judgemental here just because a family works differently to yours doesn’t mean it is not functional.

your daughter is coming to no harm because of this parenting style. She shouldn’t need help in the morning.

@crystalflex I’m so glad I’m not the only one with a DD who gets annoyed if you interrupt the eyeliner application process 😂

For a fifteen year old... I would expect her to call out or say if she needs any help or wants to come in and chat about anything.
Your daughter knows both systems. Both are functioning homes.
Which does she prefer?

Yes, I get up and dressed ready for work alongside my 13 year old. I just wouldn't dream of not waking up in a morning while they were getting ready unless I'd worked a night shift. I like getting up and pottering around while we get ready and would do so even if I didn't work and whilst ever they're at school!

My DS is 12 and would be capable of going off to school without my input but I get up half an hour before he leaves to see him for a bit before school. We usually both have our breakfast then and a chat before he goes then I get myself ready for the day ahead.

I actually agree with you. My eldest is 22 I don’t get up for him anymore but there is only 1 day ever I haven’t got up for my 14 & 18 year old and that was when I had a terrible case of Covid and couldn’t move . It’s part of the house getting ready for the day

The mum of a child I know (12 years old) hasn't got out of bed for him since he was 4 years old. She stays up all night gaming and streaming, talking to her mates, then is "too tired" to get up for him. Poor kid used to wake up with no one, try to make himself food and get scolded when he would burn himself on the toaster etc. Social services have been informed so many times and they just leave him with her. He does everything on his own at 12, but is a very emotionally disturbed, very lonely young man.

My DC are up before 7 and out the house before 8 . I have to drive them as we are rural with no public transport closer than 30 mins walk away , no pavements .

Getting up that early is a struggle for most teens - one of mine more than the other - I can’t imagine just leaving them to it . I make them some breakfast and yell at them to get out of bed other than that they get themselves sorted. To be fair to them once they are actually out of their pits it works like clockwork .
Im also at the age where lying around in bed feels like wasting my life - but have lost 4 good friends or husbands of friends far too early

I grew up as a latch key kid and had a morning paperound at 13 (one parent out of the house before mw, one would be in bed when i left). It's fine for a 15 year old to be getting on with their day independently. He is there, so in a situation that she doesn't know what to do she's not without options.

When mine were 15 I always got up with them. One Dd never spoke only grunted (a bit like me), the other likes to have a chat every morning. Also in the winter often liked something cooked so I used to make that for them.

I grew up in a very lonely household, it's great being forced to be "independant" and all, but I get up for my kids not because I have to, but so they have company.

DD is 14. I'm up most of the time when going to work. When I have a day off and because of my irregular schedule it can be during the working week, she gets up herself, makes herself ready and goes to school on her own. I can't see a problem with that. I don't wake her up to keep me company when walking the dog at 5.30AM.

I'd expect a 15 year old to sort all the things in your list without help from a parent. The norm in our house (which I thought was functioning) is that everyone gets themselves ready, says goodbye to anyone that is about and goes. We're none of us morning people so we are not having nice chats in the morning. Not to mention that DH and I are actually often both up and out before the DC are out of bed. Never realised this made us a "non-functional" household.

As a general sweeping statement, no, not really. I was a latchkey kid and perfectly able to prep the night before and leave on time to meet friends and walk to school.

The way you have phrased it sounds like you think said parent is lazy and checked out which could still be true but on its not a problem. How does DD feel?

Presumably happy enough if she is still wanting to stay there?

I work nights so often get in half an hour before they leave in the morning. DH is sometimes up with them but often leaves the house before 07.00. If we are home we both get up with them every morning. All 3 set their alarms and get up and start getting ready whether we are home or not. Having uniform and bags ready is down to them. DD14 likes me to do her hair for her. I run through a verbal checklist with them before they leave, including ASD DS17 for college. DH’s mum and my mum were always up for us too.

I get up after DD and we get ready in parallel, breakfast and lunches made, bags packed and uniform checked the night before. She just needs to shower, get dressed and grab her overnight oats from the fridge and put her lunch box and drink in her bag.

In lots of fully functioning households the parents are out the door before the children are awake

So no I don't think High school students need coddling if they have been supported getting everything prepared beforehand and at Secondary school age they should be working towards independently doing it.

Mine choose to eat breakfast at different points because they don’t want to talk to each other in the morning. Usually the house is a very chatty one with 3 girls but not in the mornings first thing. When I am downstairs I don’t get conversation from them at all. They are not sad or lonely 😂 why can’t posters understand that what works in one house doesn’t work the same in another and that doesn’t mean it’s wrong. Not sure why drinking my coffee downstairs would make any difference to my dc wellbeing.

At 15 it is fine, but it is nice to have parents around in the morning. At both my mum and my dad's house, they were always up before me. I still have lovely memories or mornings before school, getting up to music playing, a chance to have conversation, someone there to ask me 'how did you sleep?'. Little things, but do I intent to be up before my son when he's 15.

Fgs, she's 15, you're being ridiculous and looking for something to moan about.
If she gets a job when she's 16, will you be getting up to help her then too?
Let her grow up, you do know millions of us don't have the luxury of morning chats.

i love being up with my DD in the morning. She is 11 so still needs me to help her get sorted in the morning. When she is older i will still get up with her.

Even when i had major surgery i made sure i was up with DD. As soon as she went to school i went back to bed.

That’s the point surely. Unless there is a decent reason for a parent sleeping in (like working late, caring duties), it smacks of laziness and sets a poor example.