to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

If no shift work illness etc and not just on a rare occasion yes it’s scummy behaviour. You don’t have to be constantly interacting in the morning but a house is different in the morning if others are asleep. It’s the wrong way round, teenager should be sleeping in not the adult.

Dts are 13. I'm awake but don't necessarily get up until I say goodbye to them. They are in their rooms getting ready so not sure what benefit me being up would add to it.

Surely depends on ages of dc and if there are other adults in the house who are up

YABU. At 15 your DC should be able to to get up and sorted with no help from you. No need to baby them at that age.

My teenage DD gets herself up, makes breakfast and sometimes leaves the house just as I'm getting up. Other times I'm up before her. It's fine, isn't it? She actually doesn't want me fussing around her in the morning! She wants to be left alone to get ready in peace.
I certainly don't stay up late playing video games though.

From what age?

At 15 it is such a non issue

Growing up, I never had anyone around in the mornings from a young age, maybe 8? At my mum’s house, she and stepdad would leave before I woke up. At my dad’s house, this was the case as well.

I managed just fine. Always got up, got to school on time. But truthfully, it was a bit sad. Nobody ever made me breakfast or wished me a good day. The house was quiet and a bit lonely.

I am now a Sahm and I get up before my 3 dc: teens and tweens. I turn on the lights and the radio, make breakfast for the eldest as he wouldn’t eat otherwise. Generally they get themselves ready, but I do think it’s nicer to have a parent up and around in the morning in you can.

Well she’s experiencing a different approach to your way of living isn’t she? I don’t see it as lazy, just he sleeps late and stays up late and you are the opposite. Personally I like to see my children before they go but I also like to sit with them in the evening. Mostly both are possible.

I think it's fine as long as he's otherwise a present parent. Altho I'm also a latchkey kid so... Dad would be out before we were up so we got up and got ourselves ready for school from early secondary school age

I would expect the parent to be awake and available, and to be up before the child leaves the house to say goodbye and check they have everything. It's just about being loving, to me. Staying in bed asleep is cold and unloving and children deserve better than that.

YANBU.

Like @hennybeans from the age of about 13 my mum had already left for work by the time I got up. At 15 I don't see the issue. I actually use to love the quiet mornings being able to get up and get ready without anyone in my way.

Of course it’s different if you’re up and gone early, or you do shift work. People get that. Kids get that. Kids will also get that a parent isn’t there because they would rather not be.

High school age no.

Yes, men should be active in caring for their children...

That was the question wasn't it?

Nope.
From teenage years they should be able to get up, navigate who showers when without arguments, sort their own cold breakfast and all a mum/dad need to do is be at the door to say goodbye when they're about ready to go.

Children get that well needed time for themselves in the morning without an adult directing them which they're going to get all day.

I think you’re being a bit harsh on your Ex by questioning whether his household is “functional “ because he doesn’t get up before the 15 year old.

Your way may be better but that doesn’t make his way dysfunctional. Maybe he gives her attention & support in other ways.

When mine were at secondary school I was off to work well before they got up. They were perfectly capable of sorting themselves out.

Nope. Once ours all reached high school age it was expected they get everything ready/organised the night before and any issues were identified and rectified at that point. Once ours were all upper primary and high school DH reverted to a 9-5 mon/fri role and was generally out the door before they all got up and I’d often get home from work having missed them or catching them on their way out the door. If I hadn’t worked a night shift I’d probably be asleep in bed anyway catching u on sleep. I don’t see any need to assist a 15yo to get ready for school!

I always get up with my DC, they're all very independent and don't need me to sort anything, I don't physically do anything for them. I think it's just nice to say hello in the morning and be there to wish them a nice day.

YANBU in the situation you describe. If your ex only has his daughter some of the time, I think he should make the effort to see her and keep his late night gaming sessions to when he doesn't have her. Even if he's in pyjamas and getting up to make a coffee and say a quick goodbye to her just as she's heading out the door. I think if a parent is working nights, that's a different scenario to choosing to stay up late doing your hobby.

Since secondary school my kids have been in charge of themselves in the mornings. I believe this is an age where they should be learning to look after themselves, and learning the consequences if they don't (e.g. late for school/wrong books/wrong uniform etc).

How often is she there?

You'd think he might make a bit of an effort.

At 15 though I'm guessing she doesn't have to go?

Has she complained about it?

Does she feel she could wake him if she needed anything?