to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

Not needed
I was up and out for work before teens left
Or left them to it
Teach them independence

At 15 there's no need for it - but I used to get up first on my days off just because it was my routine. If I was ill I didn't.

Exactly. I'm rather surprised that so many teens seem to want their parents company at 7am. If I attempt to make conversation with my teen DD in the morning she glares at me and sighs. She'll only have breakfast once she's sure I'm out of the kitchen!
She's nice at other times but definitely doesn't want me getting in her way in the morning.

I voted YABU and very judgemental. Functional households come in many forms not just in the way you do things.

She is 15 years old not 5 and is perfectly able to get herself sorted in the morning without an adult. Presumably if anything were actually wrong she could go to him.

And none of us are chatty morning people I hate that

Your DD is 15 and perfectly capable of getting herself off to school. She might indeed like the way you do things at your house but that doesn’t mean her dad is obliged to get up early just to please her.

Honestly, the routine at her dad’s house is up to him. He doesn’t have to do things your way when she’s with him.

OP it sounds like you are incredibly lucky to be in that position.

What about parents who have already left for work? Families with younger DC? Single parents? Those with siblings with additional needs.

I agree, it is the ideal but sadly not always possible. Sadly life isn’t perfect.

Your DD probably enjoys the peace and quiet in the morning at her dad's. Why don't you ask her?

Hmm, well, I'm up before the kids.
I leave the house at 7.15. If DS1 has switched his alarm clock off and gone back to sleep, I usually only speak to him through Alexa before leaving.

DH is usually asleep or not in the house.

Are we dysfunctional?

shiftworkers here, there has always been someone in our home each morning, our teens 15/17 are notoriously difficult to get up in the morning. Always have been way before teen years despite having a bedtime routine since birth. They would never be at school/work if we didnt wake them, they can sleep through alarms. We don’t mind getting up to make sure they are awake. They need nothing done for them otherwise apart from a life sometimes.

There are the parents who never seem to acknowledge their child is capable of doing things themselves, who always have to be involved and needed, even when not needed - you might be one of those.

There's a thread right now about a 20 year old man who was unhappy about how his M&S interview went and his mum is asking if she should complain to HR.

It's unbelievable.

DS is 15 and I an SE so pretty flexible with work.
I always try to wave him off to school and be here when he gets in if I can. I am not sure he cares as much as I do about it (although if I am not there his first words when he gets in are apparently "wheres Mum?") but I consider myself very lucky to have been able to do it for both my DC and I will carry on as long as they live here.

I think how much help they might need depends on age and the DC, however I would never have stayed in bed while DD got herself ready and off to school. Not necessarily because she needed me, but more because I wanted to be there and enjoyed that little bit of time in the morning, having breakfast and a little chat.
I think it's a bit sad to prefer to stay in bed than keep DC company really.

I always get up.

DD is now just 16. Take her something to eat and drink and make her a small snack for school. Of course she can get dressed and get herself organised, and does, but GCSE year (equivalent, I live in another country) was extremely tough and moral support and making sure she ate properly was important and my job.

She got max marks so it must have helped a bit.

I feel so sorry for teens in exam years who are overlooked, it is so stressful what with everything else they are coping with.

Is your dd happy with the routine at her dad's? If so then just leave it.

If not then maybe encourage her to speak up, she's 15 and should be capable of talking to her dad about it

I've never been a morning person and always hated my parents fussing around when I was trying to get ready on school mornings. Much preferred to be left to my own devices!

YANBU to feel this way but really you can't impose your own parenting strategies on him.

He's a 'good enough' parent by the sound of it, and your DD gets nice morning time with you. She's OK and will be an adult in a few years.

Depends on the child.
Ds(12) wakes up before me, but that's because he wants to set his alarm earlier so he can have some time online before school (has to be dressed and eaten breakdowns first). I have to be up to wake ds(15) because he just sleeps through his alarm, although once awake is left to get dressed, make breakfast and get himself to school on time whilst I watch the news and get myself ready.
When my eldest dc was a teen, she went through a phase of meeting her friends early in town for breakfast before school so was getting up at 5.30 and leaving the house at 6.30am. No chance was I getting up before then

If your child wants you to get up with them, then fine. I think it's a lovely thing to do. I wonder how many of these teenagers are humouring their parents and would be happier getting ready alone.
I think sometimes it's more about what the parent wants and needs. Some parents need to be needed and probably enjoy mothering their kids in the morning, more than their 15 year old kids enjoy it!
By the way, I'm a little guilty of this myself. Not so much in the mornings but in other ways I definitely do too much for my children.

Also it depends what sort of person you are. I have loads more energy in the mornings.
Evenings DD makes the dinner often, suits me better that way!

I was always up and off to work by 7.15. However I checked they were awake before I left and on my days off if they were in school I got up with them.
No, you don’t have to but now with adult dc I’m so glad that I did.

It’s 11 years since my dc lived at home. Enjoy every moment, it’s quiet without them around.

I still get up to see my two off for the day and they're late teens/early 20's! I don't need to get up before them to set the house up or whatever that means but it's to see them off and wish them a good day. Mind you, I'm awake at stupid o'clock every morning.
If he's working from home, I don't think it's unreasonable for him to be getting up and seeing her off, especially as he would, I presume, be starting work not long after.

My son is 12 and hates me flapping around him in the morning so now I just let him crack on. He is fiercely independent.

I am always awake when he's up though - either drinking a coffee peacefully or already started work at my desk (WFH).

We always say goodbye/I love you before he leaves for school.

When I was 15 I had to catch train at 6.30 twice a week because school started at 7.30. I never expected my parents to be up at that time. We had plenty of opportunities to chat in the afternoon/evening. I actually really enjoy silence in the morning.