to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

3 days a week me and DP are out of the house before 7. So both 12 and 10 yo DS get up, dressed and breakfasted themselves before my mum comes to pick them up to take them to school.

They should really be able to get themselves ready in a morning.

I think it does them good to get themselves up and ready without input at least sometimes.
So if that happens once a week I think that is a positive rather than a negative. If it's every day then some children might not like being left to their own devices.

I'm a shift worker (so not really relevant to what you are saying) but it used to annoy my older son when I was around in the morning as he had his own routine down to the exact minute and having someone else under his feet didn't help him. My other son likes to be left alone in the morning as well. We are a very close family but they don't want to chat in the mornings.
So every family is different. It's probably a good mix for your child if you are around if she is with you and your ex isn't when she is with him.

I think it's a bit sad to not get up & see your children in the mornings barring illness/ shift work/ early work pattern etc

Our dc is late teens now & we still do. We're up for work ourselves anyway mostly & they need a lift to the train station either way.

But I do feel it's a bit off to just have a lie in while they're getting themselves sorted. And I would not be happy not to see them at all till night time when we're all back in the house.

Over the years as dc got older we've fallen into a lovely routine where dh makes tea / coffee & cereal ot or toast fit the 3 of us while dc & I get ourselves ready.

When they were younger it was me making sure they were dressed etc

I love slowly getting myself ready & hearing dh bustling around in the kitchen chatting to the cat, the sounds of the coffee grinder/ machine etc. It's very homely & comforting. And I imagine if I feel like that in my 50s it might be a similar feeling for dc.

And as I do 99% of all the other cooking (better cook so my choice) I love that it's become dh's thing to make breakfast - he's a natural early riser

'a bit sad' really? not everyone has the time or want to do that, many teens are moody and silent of a morning. One of mine Id rather avoid until midday!

Do people judge the other way though ?
I am quite happy to get up early so it's no problem for me, but I absolutely can't stay up late if DS is out, because I need my sleep.
Some people judge me for being able to sleep when DS isn't home, so I am wary of passing too much judgment in the other direction.

I think it's a bit sad to not get up & see your children in the mornings barring illness/ shift work/ early work pattern etc

Again with the judgement - it's just so unnecessary.

Someone upthread said they liked to be asleep by 10.30 - are you all judging her for going to bed before her teens and if not, why not?

Look, your routine sounds lovely and it's nice that you all enjoy bustling around together in the morning.
Not every household is like that though. I get on very well with my teen DD but my goodness she doesn't want me getting in her way before school! Take this morning, for example - she slept through her alarm so I woke her up, which hugely irritated her. Then I went in to the kitchen to get a drink while she had breakfast. She scowled at me and asked me to leave!
Neither of us are morning people so it suits us better to stay out of each other's way. I'm always there for her after school though.
All families are different. Your family has a nice routine and other families do things differently. Neither is right nor wrong.

Actually yes.

Again.. caveat that i'm disabled. So i kind of sit on that fence of i'm not 'up' but i'm also not asleep while DD is getting herself up/fed/dressed.

I'm awake, my bedroom door is open, she knows she can come into me should she need anything at any time, but that first 45 minutes shes getting breakfast/washed i'm still in bed, taking my time to get myself up safely.

I'm fully 'present' for about 15 mins before we leave.

i will offer that on the perspective that this is something i only do with DD and in the last school year, and it's intentional to teach her independence.

I have an older teen who is asd/adhd and needed micromanagement in the morning, so i had to be awake really early to be able to get myself up to get him up and out, as he needed to be constantly chivvied to get him ready, so by default, i also did it all for DD.

Much of our household routine is micromanaged because of his needs, so i've had to make an intentional step back from DD to give her the chance to learn how to do things without me doing it for her.

As it is, the minute i come back from school run, i'm back into doing what i need to do with him before his Transport for College comes to pick him up at 10:30.

So no, i'm not lazy or uncaring, i treat my children according to their individual needs, and DD does not need me hovering in the morning, as she told me, she needs to be left alone 'to vibe'

At 15 absolutely unnecessary.

Not everyone eats breakfast. My teen just gets up, has a quick drink, gets ready and leaves. No interest in talking to/interacting as she’s not a morning person. She’s ready and out of the door in 20 mins. It makes no difference if other people are there or not for her, although perhaps more likely to start the days off with a row of anyone is getting in her way of trying to get ready quickly and out in order to spend the maximum amount of time in bed. Not all teens are the same.

I love slowly getting myself ready & hearing dh bustling around in the kitchen chatting to the cat, the sounds of the coffee grinder/ machine etc. It's very homely & comforting. And I imagine if I feel like that in my 50s it might be a similar feeling for dc

That’s you though, not everyone. To me it sounds nightmarish. I like to lay in bed asleep until the last possible second and then do a quick bolt to get ready (I’d rival Usain Bolt actually for my speed in the morning🤣). I don’t want that disturbed by people cluttering up my way or trying to have a conversation with me as that will take precious minutes from my feet hitting the floor to the door knob on the way out with coffee keep cup in hand. I don’t have breakfast but eat later mid morning after my body has accepted the horror of being dragged up out of bed for the day. Was the same as a teenager, if mum/dad had of wanted to chat or try and put toast in front of me I would have wanted to scream - I think I got that across pretty clearly😆.

How your ex parents and how you parent doesn't have to be the same, and all households "function" differently.

I find the assumption that household members getting up at different times to others are "lying in" or being "lazy" quite ridiculous- different people work different hours and have different lifestyles so I don't see why they would all get up at the same time. Would people have the same judgement if the parent started work at 8am and had left the house before DC got up?

A 15 yo is perfectly capable of getting up, washed, dressed and into school without adult input.

Some people may enjoy quality time in the mornings, in our house, there are no morning people, and it's a simple case of getting DD4 ready to leave the house as quickly and as with as little fuss as possible. We enjoy quality time in the evenings when she gets home.

Are you 15 and off to school though?