to think that in a functional household....

[RedWineSupernova]

.....the parent of high school age children should be up before the kids and should oversee the getting ready for school, making sure everyone is leaving on time with everything they need etc, being on hand to help with any uniform issues/anything else going wrong etc.

Not sleeping in later than DC due to having stayed up late playing video games with their mates?

Parent has normal job wfh. No shift work. No illnesses or any other issues that would mean they need to sleep in later.

AIBU?

Depends on the kids, depends on the kids' ages too.

Plenty of kids manage just fine if their parent(s) have left for work very early, or if the parent(s) are still in bed after a late shift. I know my siblings and I did, and we never missed the bus and were always in uniform etc.

However, if the parent(s) are are around and working normal shifts etc. then it doesn't set a great example to be snoring in bed rather than up and doing. I'd also worry about whether that parent is pulling their weight (assuming they live with a partner) in terms of domestic duties if they're up all night playing games and then sleeping in.

Young teenagers are going through an extremely hormonal transitional stage in life at least until 16. To asume they don't require attention in the mornings is to my mind wrong. Unless you have to leave very early for work or do shifts there is no excuse. I say YANBU OP

But mostly I got up because I like to see them off to school. My mother used to stay in bed until I'd left for school, and it made me feel a bit uncared-for, I suppose (although there were many other reasons why I felt like that anyway), so I've always got up for my dc.

I'm the same. Dad was always out for work already and my mum would stay in bed sleeping in when we got up and out for secondary school. I found it a bit lonely to be honest and looking back I find it sad. It's different if you're out at work already but lazing in bed rather than having a chat with your children in the morning just feels like setting a rubbish example. I fully accept my own experience has impacted my views on it but mum would also have said back then "she's a teenager, she's capable of getting up and sorting herself out." The truth is it made me feel like she didn't really give a shit and that she was lazy.

I've always been up with my DC. Not to sort things out for them, but to be around, have a chat, breakfast with them etc.

I rarely saw my parents before school they were both at work when I got up.
I got myself and my sisters and made our lunches and got my sister to our neighbours who gave her a lift to school.

Of course it is always nicer when you have someone to make you a drink and breakfast and wish you a good day but it's not essential. Maybe a pick your battles issue.

Good on you. You're modelling good parenting for if/ when she has children of her own. I think the idea of a child setting off on the commute to school without seeing a parent before they leave, or only to go up to say goodbye to a sleepy parent in bed, is just wrong.

I have one 15 yo at home. He gets up before me. I get up while he's getting ready and make him pancakes and potter about.
I don't need to make him pancakes, but it's nice to do.
He's more than capable of making sure he's got what he needs, though if there's something out of the ordinary (exam, sports event) I might double check with him.
I wfh so can kiss him goodbye as he leaves for the bus.

Now and again I am out early and he's fine to sort himself out. I am glad I am here though, they need you in very different ways as teenagers and it's nice just to be around.

On my days off I still get out of bed and have my breakfast whilst DS (14) is having his. It's a nice, quiet time and we talk about the day, double check books/timetable etc. I don't get properly up and dressed until later though. On my work days, I have to be up before him, otherwise I can't get in the bathroom.

I don't think parents of that aged children needs to be up to send their kids to school. I know quite a few parents who are already at work so kids get themselves ready. However staying awake all.hour of the night to play video games is a different concern.

My 8 year old can gets herself up and dressed, sometimes makes her own breakfast. I don't need to remind her/help her in anyway. I could literally wake up 5 minutes before we need to leave and she'd be ready. (I don't but I could)
I can't imagine needing to be up with her when she's at secondary and making her own way. I probably would be but would hope as a one off I could sleep in.

I have a teen and nearly teen..

They are both quite independent and are perfectly capable of getting themselves up and ready for school. We have an evening routine of making sure all things are ready for the next day.

I do have to be up (sometimes before them sometimes after and when they are nearly ready to leave) as I need to drive them to the bus stop/school. Works for us, every household is different. Sometimes I get up at 5am and start working from home, I think it’s been once that the teen slept through the alarm but they were recovering from a bug.

My husband works shifts so he’s not always home on a morning.

Mine get up before me as they both like to get up at 6 and have long showers and chill before school. They are 13 and 16. I get up at 7 as I can't get into the bathroom before then anyway. TBH I think once the kids are old enough to sort themselves out, it's not really an issue, but as I have to drive mine to school and then walk dogs and start work, I have to be up anyway.

Wow! That’s unbelievable.

I think functional is a harsh thing to say about your ex op. Ideally he would but if he’s a good dad in many ways, I’d let it go.

Yes. We were always up as a family - so everybody up - everybody getting ready for their day. Parents on hand if any of the DCs needed something. That was our "normal".

I grew up in a house where we always had breakfast together and it just made a really nice start to the day even during the teenage arguing years. Obviously depending on work patterns it's not always possible .. but I do the same for my DC. It's not about pandering to them but just being a friendly support.

Before he died a few years ago I was staying over night with my DPs and had an early start, at 90 my Dad still got up, made me a coffee and drove me to the station (I am over 60 and it was a 10 minute walk!).

I'm a long way off this stage but I think I will get up with DS's not to do things for them but just to see they're OK headed off to school.

I think it's nice to check in with them before school.

That is honestly so lovely! I want to be that sort of parent

Two mid teens, who love one or both of us being up with them in the morning. I set my alarm first (6.30am), make sure both are awake and moving by 6.45am (one is very slow to wake, other bounces out of bed with their alarm and doesn't need prodding). DH and I take vague turns being down first to make tea and toast. Whoever stays in bed gets brought a cup of tea.

One child has a packed lunch, and I make that. The other, thank goodness, is on school dinners.

Kiss them both off at the door.

I do value the time with them in the morning, but I can't WAIT for the holidays!

Well, let's say, when we were at high school (in another country, in another time), nobody
was "on hand to help", even when we might be feeling unwell, and we (45 yolds now) managed just fine.
😂❄️❄️❄️

A 15 year old can definitely sort themselves out in the morning!

I'm usually awake but still in bed when my 13 year old leaves for school.

I lodged in a house before the pandemic until very recently. When I moved in the daughter was in primary school Yr 5, I was really shocked that her mum did not make her breakfast or go into her room to wake her up in the morning... so I slid into that role. On her first day at secondary school, I taught her how to tie her tie, took the pics of her in her uniform and made sure there were treats in her lunch box. I was the one who organised Advent calendars, Easter Eggs, birthday/Christma cards for family and hopefully set up little traditions she might do in time with her own kids.

I was really saddened that they rarely ate together or seemed to chat about their days, but I did discover that no one had done this for my landlady which made me feel so sorry for her. I moved out at the end of the pandemic and I still worry about them.

I have to be up to drop my DC at the bus stop for school/college.

And before anyone accuses me of mollycoddling, the bus stop is over a mile away, no pavements and 60mph road.
I also have to drop the 15yr old at work - rural, no public transport.

I am assuming that very few pps live in the back of beyond like we do!

In this situation he should be up. Not because she needs help, but because he already has limited time with her, and you would think he would want to maximise it.

Think there is a setting an example element to being up every morning with youngsters. If they have to be getting up for school at a regular time each day, parents should too (unless there is a genuine reason not to).
Also good just to check in with a child first thing.....
My parents were always up and about with us (had to drop us at bus stops anyway!) but would ideally always do same for my children.
Feel sad for your DD that father thinks so little of her that he's not making sure he's up in time to see her in the mornings. Particularly as she is only with her part time!

DD wants to be left alone in the mornings and is perfectly capable of getting herself up and ready. I am often out jogging or swimming by 7am and not back until after she leaves at 7.40. I do poke my head in and say morning before I go but don’t feel like a crap parent because of it, she is 13. I don’t see exercise and morally superior to sleep. DH works shifts so if often asleep when we are up and around.

I always got up before my mum (my dad was already at work) as a teen and got my self ready without even really seeing them as I’d want time to do my hair and makeup before school. Never harmed me as such, but I do think that amongst other things lead to a feeling of my parents not caring at all about my life or schooling.