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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Being so tight with money?

984 replies

Rockrose94 · 08/07/2024 21:31

For context I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years, we live together and split the rent / bills 50/50. Our take home pay is very similar and I have an extra outgoing of my car finance which he does not. We effectively keep our finances completely separate, I worry how this will work long term as he has said he does not want to share finances at all as he has more savings.

Anyway the main issue just now is 1) he has bought me dinner once in 4 years, for my 30th birthday present. I took him on a foreign holiday and presents for his 30th. I have paid for nights away and meals for us several times when he has said he can't afford it as I wanted to treat him. I don't do this often any more as it's never been reciprocated 2) we split all food shops evenly but usually do our own meals during the week as I am dieting. He just stood for half an hour itemising up every item on the food shops over the weekend to come to the point that I owe him £2.50. Note that he will charge me half of the food we share but he would likely eat 2/3 of the meal. AIBU to be tired of this? It feels so tight , do other people itemise everything and charge their partner almost to the penny?!

OP posts:
Hugesunflower · 08/07/2024 21:32

Don’t have children with this man.

RandomMess · 08/07/2024 21:32

He isn't careful he's miserly.

Run for the hills and fast.

Keeva2017 · 08/07/2024 21:32

That sounds dire! How do you fancy him? Yanbu.

Kovus · 08/07/2024 21:33

The only positive thing about staying with him is that no other women will have to experience his miserly, soul-sapping attitude.

That's it.

Merryoldgoat · 08/07/2024 21:34

End it now. This is a mean man who you will grow to resent and he’ll make you miserable.

Ragwort · 08/07/2024 21:34

What's the point of having this man as a 'partner' ... just ditch him and 'date' if you want to see him... although I can't imagine he would offer more than a walk in the park and a glass of tap water.

JollyGreenSnake · 08/07/2024 21:34

Of course he has more savings... you've been covering lots of discretionary/nice spending for him.

Run. Please do not have children or commit to a mortgage with this man.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 08/07/2024 21:35

Fuck that shit. Tally up everything you've spent on him and tell him he owes you hundreds, if not thousands.

Or just fuck him off

LewishamMumNow · 08/07/2024 21:36

Leave him. He's using you. If you do have kids, make sure you are married and have details of his savings, so you can screw him.

Roseyjane · 08/07/2024 21:36

No, however I do know a couple like this. He pretends to her that his last wife took advantage of him, but the truth is he’s always been like this. She doesn’t care though, she’s her own money and she’s like meh, so what. I wouldn’t like it nor would I put up with it. But she genuinely doesn’t care. Even when we go out, she needs to buy her own drinks or give him the cash there and then to cover it.

TinyYellow · 08/07/2024 21:38

This isn’t normal and it sounds like a horrible way to live.

LeedsZebra90 · 08/07/2024 21:39

If I have understood correctly, you have paid for nice things for you both over the years as he can't afford it. Yet he doesn't want to share finances as he has more savings than you.

This should tell you everything you need to know.

thistimelastweek · 08/07/2024 21:39

He's not a partner.
He's a tight-fisted git who will always put his financial comfort first.

iamtheblcksheep · 08/07/2024 21:40

Could you afford to move and leave right now?

Are yiu renting? If you are is it fixed tenancy?

Christ OP, make a plan and leave this man. He’s a waste of space

SeismicSalad · 08/07/2024 21:41

He’s ridiculous

WillLiveLife · 08/07/2024 21:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at user request.

Kittykat9070 · 08/07/2024 21:42

my ovaries just shrivelled up just reading about this ‘man’

Icanttakethisanymore · 08/07/2024 21:43

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn at user request.

I take your broader point but I don’t think it’s applicable here. No one would defend his actions because he was a woman.

PaminaMozart · 08/07/2024 21:43

RandomMess · 08/07/2024 21:32

He isn't careful he's miserly.

Run for the hills and fast.

And also this:

Don’t have children with this man.

You have been warned. RUN.

Screamingabdabz · 08/07/2024 21:43

He will get worse. The mean spirited penny pinching mentality just gets more embedded until you forget what actually living a normal life looks like. Even something like a coffee out will be considered a monumental waste of money and you end up living in several jumpers in the winter eating Aldi bargains and questioning where the colour went out of life.

RivkaTheBold · 08/07/2024 21:44

Do other people do this?

Not ones that are in happy functional relationships.

StormingNorman · 08/07/2024 21:44

This will grind you down. You sound too nice and too much fun to live like this ❤️

Sparklfairy · 08/07/2024 21:44

You need to do the same to him, right down to the food shop (while you make plans to LTB). If the food bill is split 50/50, then you get half the food, end of. Stop letting him take advantage of you!

Icanttakethisanymore · 08/07/2024 21:45

I couldn’t tolerate this. Never reciprocating with a meal out etc is very mean but the £2.50 thing makes him sound like a lunatic.

Bonjovispjs · 08/07/2024 21:45

Why have you put up with this for 4 years? Time to move on.

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