To not take leave on the day we marry?

[Aashni]

DP and I get married next month. It’s a large event with many guests, but the religious ceremony isn't legally binding.
Because of this, DP and I are heading to our local registry office next week to do the legal part of the marriage. We don’t want this formality to overshadow our wedding next month, which we consider the actual day we marry. So, for the registry wedding, we aren’t having guests (just two acquaintances as witnesses), no vows or ring exchange, and we’d planned to work that day as usual (it’s over lunchtime).

When sharing our plans with friends and family, we’re told we’re crazy for not taking the day off to celebrate together. But to me, this day is merely a legal formality. DM insists it will be a special and emotional day regardless, and that it would be silly not to acknowledge it as we’ll never get that day back. WWYD?

I agree with her, I’d go out for a lovely lunch together,

I also agree with her, even if you just go for some lunch and spend the afternoon together it’s still a special day

Take the day off.

It is only a legal formality, but at the same time, it is your legal wedding. I’d definitely go out for a nice lunch afterwards.

If you can’t take a day of leave to celebrate the day you get married, what do you use it for? Even if you just consider it a formality, what if there’s a delay? You don’t want to be rushing back to work

Sounds reasonable to me. If that bit is essentially just signing paperwork and not a celebration then why try to make it one? You have a big ceremony with everything else to look forward to.

Although if you both have leave to spare then I'd be tempted to take a half day to go for a pub lunch after just as a nice opportunity

Take the day off and have a nice lunch date with your husband.
Even if for you it's just a formality, it'd be odd to remember that day as the one you had a zoom call with Sharon.

To me the legal formality is the wedding. That's the date on your marriage certificate, the one you count anniversaries from etc. I'd say it's more important than the blessing and the party.

Each to their own and you can celebrate however you like.

At my work we can take a day of leave (not annual leave) to use for getting married and are still paid for it. Maybe ask if that's something you can do if you don't want to use an annual leave day

We got married on my partner's lunch break with a couple of colleagues for witnesses - no regrets! The emotional bit for us was the ceremony with our friends and family which was a few weeks later.

I'd probably take a half day in case of any delays, but it also depends how flexible your current job is.

Your marriage - your decision.

I think it’ll be one of those that will feel special in the moment, so it’s worth taking the day off from work.

I had my religious and legal ceremonies on different days, and I ended up
feeling really emotional during the legal ceremony which I didn’t expect at all, for the same reasons as you’ve said. It’s better to have the day off and end up enjoying it, than to enjoy and regret not taking the day off.

Take the day off.

You are getting married not popping to the post office.

Why ask? You do you. Ignore everyone here.

What others would or might do is irrelevant to you, your DP and how you both feel about it.

You should do what YOU want to do.

Do what you want, not what other people want you to do.
Does your mum think you're too stupid to know what you want and what is special to you?

I'd go for lunch.
It's not going to overshadow anything.

It’s not special, it’s a quick 30 minute appointment, maximum. We were in and out in no time and it was no big deal. The important bit is the one you are celebrating.

If you haven’t got the annual leave to spare, don’t bother. Save it for when you’ll value it.

It's up to you not your DM. If you want to work it work it.

I think it's your wedding and you should do whatever the hell you want?

Marriage is a social construct anyway, it's not like you magically change somehow the second you say "I do" - if your "big" wedding means more to you, then it's totally up to you.

I think it would be nice to mark the occasion it's not just any other day I'd do a nice lunch or dinner just the two of you .

We did a quickie low key registry office marriage with witnesses, and tbh I was surprised how emotional I was at it, which is VERY unlike me! Maybe it was the pg hormones.

It is the day you get married, you might find when you get there it means more than you thought, but do what you want to do, not others.

Trust me, you're underestimating this day.

I'd do the same as you OP. It's just the paperwork and in most other countries this is always just a 'formality' (requiring a quick visit to the local version of 'city hall') to do the 'checks and balances'. Hopefully, if the current Wedding Law Reform is passed (as it should be!) then everyone will be doing just this (followed by a wonderfully unique ceremony at some point later). In fact, the legal paperwork will be done online in most straightforward cases 🤷‍♀️

I agree, it is just a quick nip out of work, 10 minutes in the Register Office and back to work.

Enjoy your wonderful ceremony next month (as a humanist celebrant myself, I do these ceremonies often).