To not take leave on the day we marry?

[Aashni]

DP and I get married next month. It’s a large event with many guests, but the religious ceremony isn't legally binding.
Because of this, DP and I are heading to our local registry office next week to do the legal part of the marriage. We don’t want this formality to overshadow our wedding next month, which we consider the actual day we marry. So, for the registry wedding, we aren’t having guests (just two acquaintances as witnesses), no vows or ring exchange, and we’d planned to work that day as usual (it’s over lunchtime).

When sharing our plans with friends and family, we’re told we’re crazy for not taking the day off to celebrate together. But to me, this day is merely a legal formality. DM insists it will be a special and emotional day regardless, and that it would be silly not to acknowledge it as we’ll never get that day back. WWYD?

Great point that several have missed. To add, the law also covers marriages in RC churches and also synagogues - both are licensed to perform marriages.

I’m impressed that you can fit it into an hour or two over lunch. But if you could do that you shouldn’t take the days leave. Why should you take leave because someone else wants you to?

Good god OP you're legally getting married and you don't even want to take time off for it?!

I mean, I'm not the biggest romantic on the planet but even I'd take a day off...

I would suggest taking the afternoon off and going for a late lunch or afternoon tea to celebrate just the 2 of you. Whatever you think regarding the big wedding this is your legal marriage

Yes, I think she is right and would take the day off to make the most of the time together ahead of the bigger celebrations. Not sure what the downside is?

I voted you are being unreasonable, only because this has nothing to do with anyone else, so I can't understand why what your friend has said should make any difference and why you have even given it head-space.

We had a civil partnership 17 years after meeting. I actually asked the registrar at the pre-ceremony interview if it was possible to do it all online. She didn't half glare at me, but really as I said to her, after all these years the signed paperwork wasn't going to change a thing (and it didn't), we were only doing it to secure our futures from a legal POV.

You do you, and best wishes for your big day (the religious one).

This is the actual day you get married, it will be your anniversary for years to come and I think everyone looks back on that actual day. Is that how you would recognise it?

So glad yoju are taking the day off, go for a really nice meal together and order champagne! I hope both days go well.

I actually think this sounds lovely. Recognising and enjoying your formal marriage calmly just you and your husband followed by the big celebration afterwards. Have a lovely lunch OP, I'm sure you'll be glad you took a little time together just for yourselves at an important moment.

I had a Chinese colleague who did this a few years ago. None of us knew about it until he returned to work in the afternoon (they had celebrations in China later on, and then a reception here). If you are happy with that then it really isn't anyone else's business.

It's still a big day as it is the 'legal' part of it which binds you together. I'd share that day together, just the 2 of you then enjoy your celebration wedding with all your family and friends. I remember my wedding day and although it was a beautiful day, we were pulled from pillar to post talking to family and friends we hadn't seen for a while and didn't have time to spend just 5 minutes on our own together. If I could do it all again that would be my choice, go off and get married on our own then have a big party at a later date.

Personally, I’d take the day off and celebrate just the two of us.
But you do you! It’s your wedding day, so do it as you wish!

Congratulations! Hope both days go off brilliantly! 🩵

No, the government’s ‘box ticking’ is just incorporated into an Anglican wedding, with register signing after the ceremony in the back of the church.

Yes, so the legalities are seamlessly incorporated into an Anglican wedding, rather than requiring a separate ceremony with a different celebrant on a different day in a different location. That’s a pretty major distinction.

They could be seamlessly incorporated into any type of wedding.

Many other Christion denominations can perform wedding ceremonies which also incorporate the legal side if the minister has also been licensed as a registrar. Many of them have done. I have been to Catholic and Presbyterian weddings where this was the case.

It’s more complicated than that. In Wales and England, legally binding religious ceremonies have to take place in licensed religious premises, which not all faiths or communities may be able to access. (There are different rules for Jewish and Quaker weddings, which can basically be held in any private location.) Even if you can access such a venue, religious celebrants also have to be licensed, or you have to pay for a registrar to come and officiate in addition to the celebrant. It’s a really knotty area of law, and the Law Commission have recently proposed significant changes to simplify the rules, removing the unequal treatment of the marriage ceremonies of different faiths and non-faith ceremonies.

My husband and I were the exact opposite.
We personally think it is crazy to have a big expense wedding.
For us, getting married was about making a commitment to each other not a "party".
So we decided to do a civil partnership.
We didn't tell anyone in advance
We just asked 2 neighbours if they could spare us half an hour but we didn't tell them where we were going or what for.
The whole thing only cost £47 and took 7 minutes.
We then went home and spent the day together and had a nice dinner at home.
Then called our parents later in the day to tell them.
We now celebrate our anniversary each year by doing something small together and taking the day off work.
So many people think we are crazy for doing it the way we did. But it was perfect for us.
We have been to a couple weddings together as guests and to us the amount of stress people go through planning a wedding and the amount they spend is just crazy.
But we would never tell them we think it's crazy and try to convince them to do it our way.
Just do whatever works for you as a couple and don't worry about what your friends think.
It's your wedding not theirs.

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This.

All of it.

X100.

I would take the day off and do something special with your new husband regardless of when you feel your actual wedding day is

Im guessing that it will still be a memorable day and it will be magic to look back on. Fast forward a few years and Im sure there will be some great moments and photos and you will regret not going overboard a little bit with LONG DRESS and I think you will regret not doing something special

Bear in mind you are not married, if it's a civil partnership. Need to check up because the legal bits can be different. Or did you mean a civil marriage, which is not the same - and is a marriage.

I am well aware of the difference thank you so I do not need to "check up" on anything. Typing / saying "husband" is just quicker than typing / saying civil partner each time. The point I was trying to get across to the original poster was that they should just do what is right for them as a couple and do not worry about whether their friends think they are crazy or not.

Take the day off, have lunch together after the ceremony then go home and shag (romantically). That’s what I would do.

We had a similar situation and did similar as in kept it as a formality so not to take away from our big celebration but we did have the day off albeit due to travel. However I do wish now that we had made more effort and memories of it even if it was just for us as it's all part of our journey. I just wished we'd dressed up more fancy and taken more pictures!