To not take leave on the day we marry?

[Aashni]

DP and I get married next month. It’s a large event with many guests, but the religious ceremony isn't legally binding.
Because of this, DP and I are heading to our local registry office next week to do the legal part of the marriage. We don’t want this formality to overshadow our wedding next month, which we consider the actual day we marry. So, for the registry wedding, we aren’t having guests (just two acquaintances as witnesses), no vows or ring exchange, and we’d planned to work that day as usual (it’s over lunchtime).

When sharing our plans with friends and family, we’re told we’re crazy for not taking the day off to celebrate together. But to me, this day is merely a legal formality. DM insists it will be a special and emotional day regardless, and that it would be silly not to acknowledge it as we’ll never get that day back. WWYD?

When it's a wedding between two people who follow a faith such as Hinduism or Islam, it's less about the "big dress and party 'flummery'", it's that the religious ceremony is the most important one by far, and the registry office is simply the legal formality demanded by UK law. Just because a significant proportion of British weddings are now secular doesn't mean the religious part is meaningless for everyone.

Sounds like your mum dealt with a lot of couples for whom the focus had been having the most Instagrammable location and perfectly coordinating the chair tie-backs with the bridesmaids' dresses, who had temporarily forgotten they were planning a marriage, not just a wedding.

I hope both days go well, OP, and enjoy lunch with your new husband when the time comes.

Congratulations!
While it seems like just the legal bit, to misquote Downton Abbey, it's 'the real wedding where you become their wife/husband'.
We both got ridiculously emotional planning the ceremony with the registrar, let alone the actual event, and there was no way I could go back to work after.
I'd maybe take a half day so you can have a wee celebration together?

It's not ONLY a legal formality 🙈 This is the important bit that everyone should carefully consider. This is the bit that changes your status financially and for children, death etc. The other bits are ONLY the fun added extras.

We did this, it was on a day my DH didn't work so he was off but I worked still. We went out for tea and cake with our witnesses after the registry office then I went back to work. DH and I then went out for a meal in the evening and celebrated.

It is the day you marry whether you choose to ignore that fact or not the rest is a party.

At least take the afternoon off and enjoy a lovely celebration together like afternoon tea

I would also go for a lunch just the 2 of you. But so whatever you want. Ita your wedding

Goodness, if this is a Hindu wedding, then you definitely are not BU! There will be so many days of ceremonies and events happening for you. It’s exhausting and exhilarating, and I can’t imagine feeling very excited about the registry office when I had all of that to look forward to.

(At the first Hindu wedding I went to, during the Joota Chupai, I stole the priest’s shoes by mistake instead of the groom’s 😅)

Please tell us who you work for, this is amazing and not something I have ever heard of!

Isn't it standard in some EU countries?

As others have said many times here “you do you”, and if being super casual about it helps you focus on what you’re considering your “wedding day” then yes, nip out and get on with work.

BUT, to give you another perspective since you came here to ask….

we had our legal registry office on the Friday afternoon and our “proper wedding day” the next day on the Saturday. The plan was to pop along to the the last slot they had that day with two friends. Then say ta-ra and go our separate ways until I saw him at the end of the isle the next day.

and that’s what we did, but, as other poster said, the penny drops when you are there about how important it is. They really do emphasise the binding nature of the agreement. We were both surprisingly touched by the emotion of the short 5 minute legalities.

many years on now but I’m so glad we bothered to put suit/nice frock on. The card and words inside that was given to us by our witness friends is something we treasure, and the glass of champagne post registry office was a lovely moment.

so to sum up, if you really want to whitewash it to make your “real” wedding day your wedding day, then of course do that. But don’t underestimate the possible emotion of the moment and maybe consider just taking a special pause for yourselves. It’s not everyday these significant moments come along so you might just want to consider celebrating it in its own way.

First of all @Aashni congratulations on your marriage. I hope you have a wonderful time and happy future together.

I'm glad you're going to have the day off and have a lovely lunch together. I think it will feel really special too.

Congratulations!

I worked an early shift on my wedding day. My manager told me that I could finish early. I did a 06:00 to 13:00 shift and was showered and dressed for our wedding at 15:00
That was 20 years ago and I still love her so much

No skin at all. But there seems to be a lack of understanding that a marriage is a legal contract with rights and duties which stem from its legality. When you celebrate your anniversary is up to you - but if where you live does not accept religious marriage (e.g. France) then knowing when the legal one took place is good idea.
When my DS married his DS's BF thought it might be fun to call out at the 'just impediment' bit. A good thing he mentioned it and was told explicitly that was not a joke and would cause a shedload of trouble, otherwise we'd have been standing around in church whilst the vicar decided whether we could go ahead with the ceremony. I think that it being a legal contract is what is missed by most people. Rather amusingly shown on the unlamented J. Kyle show when a husband was adamant that he had not committed adultery because he had ended the marriage and gone to live with someone else - no understanding that the legal contract had to be terminated legally.

That IS your wedding. The gathering is just that, a gathering. It's not a wedding

You think she'll forget the date she got legally married because she has a party on a different date?

Someone upthread said that they had - and needed to send for a marriage cert as they had lost it.

I think you should make work aware you have an appointment, and may not return that day .
You may be held up ,for whatever reason, and unable to return to work in time.

The religious marriage is obviously important to you and I acknowledge that BUT ... if you left it at that (which sadly so many do only to find out later that it is not legally binding) .. you are NOT married in the eyes of the law.. until you have the registration at a registry office .. so THIS marriage is the 'thing' that makes it real .. I would definitely mark this day ..

Basically the law is this . Unless you marry in a church of England or a Quaker marriage it has no legal standing.. it requires civil registration.. be it Hindu /Muslim/Buddhist/Scientology etc etc.. so no matter how you feel about your religious marriage.. and presuming you are in the UK .. your marriage is the date of the civil registration and your legal date of marriage.. which you may be asked for on legal documents for ever more !

A date worth celebrating..

I got married in a registry and didn't find it particularly emotional. But it was not in the UK, maybe here registry weddings are diffent and I would have been more emotional. I didn't return to work afterwards though as it was late afternoon, I just left work a bit earlier than usual.

Op take the day off please

Take the day off after all it will be the date of marriage, the next one will be your wedding.

Please take the day off. Only one of these unions is legally binding.
When the day comes, you might feel differently about it than you do now.
Conversely, by the time the public wedding rolls around you might feel like you're married already and why the big fuss now?

I can't edit my post, but wanted to say Edit: pleased to see your update! I think it's the right decision.
Wishing you all the best for your big day(s)!

Excellent idea. Do have a lovely day!