To not take leave on the day we marry?

[Aashni]

DP and I get married next month. It’s a large event with many guests, but the religious ceremony isn't legally binding.
Because of this, DP and I are heading to our local registry office next week to do the legal part of the marriage. We don’t want this formality to overshadow our wedding next month, which we consider the actual day we marry. So, for the registry wedding, we aren’t having guests (just two acquaintances as witnesses), no vows or ring exchange, and we’d planned to work that day as usual (it’s over lunchtime).

When sharing our plans with friends and family, we’re told we’re crazy for not taking the day off to celebrate together. But to me, this day is merely a legal formality. DM insists it will be a special and emotional day regardless, and that it would be silly not to acknowledge it as we’ll never get that day back. WWYD?

Personally i'd take the day off and schedule some wedding pre stuff together that needs doing. Have a nice lunch somewhere. Enjoy time talking about your upcoming wedding. Or at the very least have the afternoon off!

We had a formal wedding. Same day affair. But the day that i remember most and that was most special to me was the day before. The pre wedding excitment. Just the two of us. We were up and out early picking up some last minute bits from the printers, had a lovely brunch, then went to check out final bits at the church before saying goodbye till the next day.

That day and time together away from the madness was special. We still have a tradition of day before wedding anniversary brunch. Mostly because i actually preferred the day before, to the actual wedding.

Marriage is an important legal commitment. Thats the part i personally wanted. Couldn't really have cared less about the wedding.

This is my train of thought too. But do what you want. Sounds like you’re open about it anyway - I once went to a wedding and during the ceremony realised the couple were clearly already married and were trying to pass what we were watching off as the actually marriage. I didn’t understand that at all, why not just do it all in one go, but mainly why not just be open that it was a blessing not the legal bit.

I agree with you. The registry office is just a necessary step to enable your marriage to be recognised legally. It means nothing to you.

The actual, special day for you two is in your religious ceremony. Would you be expected then to celebrate two wedding anniversaries?

To me, it's like sending off your passport application so you will have a passport to go on honeymoon. You wouldn't take a day off to celebrate that, as a prelude to your honeymoon.

I don't usually need much encouragement to have a long (alcohol free) lunch.
Celebrate it just a little.

“Important” in what sense?

Anglicans don’t have to make this distinction. Their religious ceremonies are automatically legally binding.

Devout Hindus or Rastafari or Pagans have to go to the inconvenience and expense of having two ceremonies, and then be told that the ceremony that means so much to them and their community is a meaningless “religious show”, and the government’s box-ticking exercise is the “important” part. That seems pretty crappy, to be honest.

I know a couple who did just this. They both worked at my office, nipped out during their lunch hour and then came back to work. Worked for them and as far as I know are happily married 10+ years later! Do what you want with your annual leave!

God life is way way way too short. Take the day off, op!

I think you must do what suits you, there are no rules for this situation. There are many people who got married in their lunch breaks. Don't change your plans because other people would do things differently, you have to do it your way.

Do what you want because it's your day. However, personally I'd take the day off and celebrate together with a nice lunch and a film because I think life is short and we should celebrate where we can.

It depends on their religion. If the ceremony wasn’t Anglican, it’s possible that the celebrant isn’t licensed to perform legally-binding marriages. So the civil ceremony is basically like some extra paperwork that you have to do beforehand if you want to be legally married when the religious ceremony is finished.

There was no religion in either day or either side of the family.

Anyway they’re divorced now, many lies going on 😬 absolutely does not reflect on the OP of course!

I think it is ok if you feel comfortable with it. The two of you can have a romantic dinner that night to celebrate!

It’s also a legal contract.

Yeah I think it’s very odd not to take the day off. I’d buy myself a new outfit, do the ceremony then go for a slap up lunch just the two of you.

Up to you.

But it is an important step: it is the moment that you become a contractual partnership with legal and financial commitments. Everything about your legal and financial status changes. It isn’t ‘just’ anything, or ‘only’ the formal bit, it’s major!

If you are doing this as a low key event I wouldn’t have discussed it with all and sundry anyway.

Take the day off it's your marriage day. The other day just a party. You be counting your anniversaries from when you get married not the party day. It's important. Go for a nice meal. Congratulations

Sure! Which is also a social construct, on some level 😉

Probably not the bit I'd be bothered about celebrating. Marriage IS worth celebrating, for sure - but marriage is more of a "journey" than an event (I hate myself a little for saying that) and I don't think the exact moment you are "officially married" really matters all that much. Celebrate when and how you like! Better yet, continue to celebrate in some small way every day for the rest of your married lives (even when he leaves the dirty cup on the surface directly above the empty dishwasher); your lives will be better for it.

I’m not sure why anyone else has an opinion on it. Whatever works for you.

Edited to add I can’t believe how many posters are bossily giving you instructions to “take the day off” and “go for a nice lunch”. Why do they care. Weird!

I'd do what you and your partner want.
Nobody else's business.

I’d still mark it in some way with a nice lunch afterwards, maybe offer the parents if they want to come?? It’s still a legal ceremony! Even if you work in the morning and take the afternoon off. I wouldn’t want to go back to work after an important event such as this TBH. I know you will still have your main wedding but the legal bit is still important!

If it means nothing to you why waste AL on it?

I’m not telling anything, just offering an opinion on what I would do, isn’t this an opinion forum?

It's completely up to you what you do. No one else's opinion matters.

Oh I would absolutely take the day off! Spend the morning rolling around in bed to enjoy your last moments of living in sin (if you are already, that is) and go for a nice lunch after!

Up to you obviously. But I was more moved than I expected to be by the registry office when we got married. Which was a 'traditional' wedding with guests on the day etc.

I'd want to take the day off and wouldn't want to go back to work.