Friend blocked me after cancelled meeting

[RitaN]

I recently gave birth and wanted to meet with a friend to show her my baby and have a usual catch up. The plan was to meet for a coffee and cake in the neighbourhood town, which is 20 mins drive from me and 30 mins from my friend. 45 minutes before leaving my 12-week-old baby started purple crying and she was inconsolable. I tried to calm her down for more than 30 minutes before I finally texted my friend that I would have to cancel as my baby was really upset. She didn’t reply, so I called twice but she didn’t pick up. It was now 15 minutes past the time we were supposed to meet, and my baby finally calmed down a bit, so I asked her if she wanted to come to my place (as I didn’t want to risk my little one getting upset in the car), or if she wanted to reschedule for next week. In response she proceeded to block me, then unblocked me briefly to send a nasty next, and blocked me again. I was baffled. We’ve been friends for 5 years. I understand she was already en route but there was nothing I could do (apart from shoving a screaming baby into the car seat and driving anyway?). Was I AIBU to cancel on a short notice or is my friend unreasonable?

she's no friend.
When someone shows you who they are, believe them.

pfb? Often putting them in the car will calm them down.

Or they will continue to scream so much and for so long that you can't concentrate on the road, as I learned with my precious third born.

I can see why she would be frustrated that you cancelled at the last minute.

But - I also empathise with the issue of getting a young baby out the house at a specific time being difficult.

Does she have any children herself? Friendships are often tested by the arrival of a baby, as priorities change.

TBH at six weeks she probably should have come to you.

I bet there’s more to this OP.

Have you continued to cancel and move plans because of the baby?

Do you have form for being flaky?

Seems like a huge overreaction from your friend but maybe there’s history.

That was unkind of them. They might have felt annoyed if they’d made a wasted journey, but they should have had some empathy for you.

Yes you could have messaged to give them the heads up when your baby started to cry, but you probably thought (not unreasonably) that they would calm down and allow you to continue with your plans.

It's easy to get caught up when your baby is crying inconsolably.
In hindsight you probably could have dropped a line sooner to say you hadn't left and were running late as your baby wasn't well.
There's probably more to this though if she blocked you. The way you phrased 'show her my baby' makes me wonder if she is a bit fed up with baby chat.

This is the second time in the 5 years that I cancelled - the other time was when I was pregnant and couldn't move due to sciatica. My friend doesn't have children and doesn't want any. We haven't really texted much after I gave birth, I only sent her some pictures of my baby and we chatted a bit about her life. She had some mental health issues in the past so maybe that's the reason she took it really badly? But it's also a difficult time for me as a first time mum and I thought my friend would show a bit more understanding?

It's a shame, you didn't text or call her until after she would have already set off and maybe would not have been able to see / answer if she was already driving. I realise you were trying to settle the baby but frustrating for your friend. Stressful for you too I'm sure.

We don't always know what is happening in other people's lives, so maybe your friend was having a bad day / really wanted to see you for support / has been let down by other people and over reacted to her frustration. Maybe she doesn't understand how difficult it can be with a baby at times.

Not much you can do if you've been blocked anyway.

She may have refused another opportunity in order to see you. And you didn't tell her until she was on the way. That would be really annoying.

The least you should have done is let her know before she set off, that you might be late. Just a 'might be running late, sorry' would do.

I find that if friends are chld free, blaming the baby doesn't go down all that well. Understandably they don't get it. So I didn't go down the explanation route.

She may have changed other plans to see you. She might have been already on her way. Why didn't you call her, explain your situation (she would have been able to hear it going on in the background) and say you will be there asap. Just cancelling outright is flaky. It sounds like you are caught up in baby world and expect everyone else to just fit in with you.

Unless you've been in the newborn years it can be tricky to understand just how relentless and awful they can be for some new mums.

I'd just accept your lives have diverged.

You’re really only seeing this from your own perspective OP. From her point of view that could have come across as being extremely selfish and not a good friend at all

This would probably have been better

Sure, hence it was worth a shot as she didn’t know which it would be.

Not really worth a shot if she crashes the car is it

What did her message say?

Not sure why you’re indulging in such hyperbole. Many of us are mothers, we don’t crash our cars if our baby cries, easy enough to turn it round.

how very odd,

I don't understand why you cancelled completely, then when your baby calmed down, asked her to come over - why not just see if she wanted to come to yours to begin with rather than messing her about?

And ditto the reverse.

Of course the OP should put her baby’s needs first. You did all you could have done given the situation.

I have two children now young adults though, and I have friends who didn't have DC. I think you should have gone! your baby is only 12 weeks old and portable (at this point). It gets a bit harder before it gets easier again. Your friend was probably exasperated. Probably wondering what ''upset'' means.

Couldn't the baby have stayed with its father while you kept the appointment with your friend?

I understand I'm not without a blame and I should've called earlier and let her know (hindsight is a wonderful thing), but it just seems that blocking me is such an overreaction. We could've talked about it like adults?

I ebf, so couldn't leave her with dad.