Friend blocked me after cancelled meeting

[RitaN]

I recently gave birth and wanted to meet with a friend to show her my baby and have a usual catch up. The plan was to meet for a coffee and cake in the neighbourhood town, which is 20 mins drive from me and 30 mins from my friend. 45 minutes before leaving my 12-week-old baby started purple crying and she was inconsolable. I tried to calm her down for more than 30 minutes before I finally texted my friend that I would have to cancel as my baby was really upset. She didn’t reply, so I called twice but she didn’t pick up. It was now 15 minutes past the time we were supposed to meet, and my baby finally calmed down a bit, so I asked her if she wanted to come to my place (as I didn’t want to risk my little one getting upset in the car), or if she wanted to reschedule for next week. In response she proceeded to block me, then unblocked me briefly to send a nasty next, and blocked me again. I was baffled. We’ve been friends for 5 years. I understand she was already en route but there was nothing I could do (apart from shoving a screaming baby into the car seat and driving anyway?). Was I AIBU to cancel on a short notice or is my friend unreasonable?

Doesn't it just. No one sends a message like that unless they have reached the end of their tether. But of course we'll never know that will we 🤣

This.

She’s not your friend, and you’re better off out of it.

Yes, it’s annoying to be cancelled on last minute but shit happens and sometimes it’s necessary (like your situation).

Blocking and then unblocking and the silent treatment are straight out the playground.

You weren’t unreasonable and I wouldn’t be doing anything to revive this “friendship”.

This. It's difficult to stay friends with women with kids when you don't have any. You should have cancelled sooner, if that's what you were going to do.

I imagine because OP is a new mum functioning on little sleep

Friend sounds a twat. I'd consider this a lucky escape and focus on friends who are more understanding and less highly strung

Probably becouse she was dealing with inconsolable baby when making that decision.
It can be pretty hard to make a sensible decision when you’re trying to calm down the baby and are stressed

She did you a favour. She's not a friend. A friend would be worried for you and would have offered to come to yours or reschedule.

Most women are very sympathetic with first time mum friends.

But some are just cunts. This "friend" is an arsehole. I find there is a minority of people who apply a higher standard to new mothers- like it's ok to cancel when you're childless and have MH issues but God forbid you cancel or complain about pregnancy or babies.

I find child free people are less understanding or forgiving of people with kids.. All of a sudden there's this upset that you are putting your child first rather than the friendship, or they just don't understand why you can no longer see them as often as you used to.

I think friend here decided to abandon the friendship as she assumed you are being flaky and doesn't want to effort of maintaining this relationship.

Before having a baby I cared if my friend was struggling with her baby. I also care if my friends have break-ups or are unwell or are stressed at work etc. My friends aren't just there to serve me 100% of the time. It is give and take. We enjoy good times together and help each other through the bad times. Even if you have no interest in children whatsoever you surely retain an interest in your friend, and by extension their new life experience.

YANBU

life happens and as friends we support each other. As an adult she found herself alone in a coffee shop-I’m sure she could have had coffee and cake, a wander or made use of her free time.

I would have come to visit after you text and probs brought you a cake. Also I would expect you to be late with a kid that small.

i offer grace and empathy to my friendships and I expect the same in return. I’d ignore it tbh. It’s sad but you won’t have time for people like that now. She sounds completely self involved.

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. It's very stressful when you've got a baby that upset and you weren't to know when they'd calm down. The blocking seems a huge overreaction on her part - she could have at least tried to understand.

Having a distraught 3 month old can be overwhelming, especially if it’s your first child.
I have 4 children but I can understand how frazzled she may have been at the time.

Yep, I get all that.

But I can also see why the friend is a bit upset. OP waited until she was already running late to cancel, knowing the friend (who had further to travel) would already have set off.

Yes, in an ideal world she would be full of empathy and say "don't worry, you're fine" but I do think it's okay to be upset when you're travelling to see someone and they cancel on you with 10-15 minutes to go.

Er, no?! It’s an expression! 🤣🤣

This reminded me of when I had my firstborn who was only a few weeks old and drove 45 minutes to see my friend with my baby absolutely screaming his head off most of the journey. It was so distressing and being young and a people pleaser (aka stupid) I didn’t turn the car round and go home.

I can understand her reaction particularly if she's not someone who wants children. Everything changing and parents giving in to a child's every whim can be annoying for some people. Next time try putting the baby in the car and driving. It often works like a charm.

Your friend sounds like a 12yr old drama lama with all the blocking and unblocking nonsense.

Of course your focus is on your baby as it should be.

I completely dropped a friend (who didn’t have children) because she expected our friendship to not change after my baby was born and didn’t understand why I didn’t want to go out at short notice etc. I couldn’t be bothered after the umpteenth time of saying ‘sorry no I can’t do that’ and her getting mardy.

Can’t say I’ve missed her all these years later.

Just block her in return and move on @RitaN I'm so sorry she is so rude and cruel, and doesn't seem to want to understand how you were struggling with a screaming baby.

She clearly doesn't have children herself. When 2 people are good friends, and one has a baby, it does make it hard to maintain the friendship.

I lost some friends actually when I had my first baby - around 6 or 7, as I was in a very childfree group of friends. But I also made around 6 or 7 new friends too (mom friends.)

I am still friends with 3 of the 'mom friends' nearly 30 years later. Lost track of the childfree ones. They were actually rude and nasty and cruel to me too many times.

Fuck her (this so-called friend.) ... !!! You don't need her.

Yeah all these “stick ‘em on n the car” people—I once drove my screaming child two hours while she screamed inly to have her fall asleep when we got there. There is no guarantee that the child will fall asleep.

Yeah God forbid a mother puts her child's needs first. 🙄

Seriously, why would she want to prioritise listening to her friend droning over spending time with her gorgeous baby? 😂😂

Are you one of those parents that stares at their phone for hours ignoring their children?

You sound nice. 🙄

Probably the same type of person who thinks babies/toddlers bounce as well. And just tell them to shut up crying and whingeing if they fall over and hurt themselves.

^This.

Maybe there's more to it. If she doesn't have kids, she may be generally annoyed that it's not so straightforward to meet up with you anymore.

It happens when you have a baby. It's not like just throwing your purse and hairbrush in a bag before you waltz out, anymore.

Just let her go. On top of trying to get a screaming baby out of the house, you don't need all that 'You're flaky' making you feel like shit.

In her position I would have asked if I should come to yours instead, instead of passively aggressively blocking you. She accepts help when she needs it; time for her to give help when you need it.