Friend blocked me after cancelled meeting

[RitaN]

I recently gave birth and wanted to meet with a friend to show her my baby and have a usual catch up. The plan was to meet for a coffee and cake in the neighbourhood town, which is 20 mins drive from me and 30 mins from my friend. 45 minutes before leaving my 12-week-old baby started purple crying and she was inconsolable. I tried to calm her down for more than 30 minutes before I finally texted my friend that I would have to cancel as my baby was really upset. She didn’t reply, so I called twice but she didn’t pick up. It was now 15 minutes past the time we were supposed to meet, and my baby finally calmed down a bit, so I asked her if she wanted to come to my place (as I didn’t want to risk my little one getting upset in the car), or if she wanted to reschedule for next week. In response she proceeded to block me, then unblocked me briefly to send a nasty next, and blocked me again. I was baffled. We’ve been friends for 5 years. I understand she was already en route but there was nothing I could do (apart from shoving a screaming baby into the car seat and driving anyway?). Was I AIBU to cancel on a short notice or is my friend unreasonable?

Without knowing her history, she does sound like she massively over reacted... but, for some people last minute cancellations can be very triggering if they have issues around rejection/ abandonment/ insecure attachment thatbthey haven't dealt with, so what may have been a simple offer to reschedule on your part could have been very triggering for her. I only mentioned this as you noted she had some MH history and perhaps needs a little compasion for her over reaction if that is the case... or she could just be a massive pain in the backside!!

To add, I also think your friends reaction is very OTT!
Very unnecessary
So you wouldn't mind being messed about. Its an hour's travel there and back, plus you've blocked part of your day to meet her when you could be doing something else and you don't find out until after you've arrived. She never even attempted the journey.
I'd be upset and don't think it's ott at all. I'm glad the friend has strong boundaries.

I think you have misunderstood. I can understand why the friend is upset (I said that in my post) but her reaction is unnecessary and very immature. A simple honest message about being upset/disappointed would have been more of an appropriate response.

You can be upset without being a dick about it, though.

I really think that's the core of this issue. I imagine me cancelling our meeting was the last straw for her, but I don't believe I deserve the whole blame. I wished she would have simply let me know that she's disappointed I cancelled, that maybe she feels ignored and we could talk about it. Instead she decided to say some awful things and blocked me.

God what a smug, patronising and superior post. Way to kick a first time mum with a newborn when she's down, eh.

OP, the friendship sounds like it's ended. Its just impossible to understand the craziness, unpredictability and stress of having a newborn when you don't have one yourself, she clearly has no idea the firefighting you were doing at that moment in time. These things happen with cancellations. She has a right to be annoyed about it but it is what it is, and she was a complete histrionic drama llama.

...and my second and third!

The car is the devil as far as my babies are concerned.

Tbh it sounds like pre-pregnancy and baby you did a lot of emotional support for her and she’s sore now you have other priorities. Her text was over the top and seems like it may well apply more to her than you - only you know that and how much is normally more about you being supportive to her.

If she can’t even be a bit flexible about you cancelling this one time and clearly was not fussed about meeting the baby i’d say she’s more pissy about losing her support than anything else.

I initially invited her to come to my house, because I feel better knowing that if baby starts crying I'm at home, in my safe place. But she said she can't drive that far and that we should meet halfway between our homes. She also never invited me to her place, probably because she lives with flatmates.
We've been texting regularly, but not every day (or even every week), the only person I talk to every day is my husband.

Ah that’s fair enough then. Perhaps she just has other things going on and lost it. Maybe she’ll get in touch again when the dust has settled.

*To add, I also think your friends reaction is very OTT!
Very unnecessary
So you wouldn't mind being messed about. Its an hour's travel there and back, plus you've blocked part of your day to meet her when you could be doing something else and you don't find out until after you've arrived. She never even attempted the journey.
I'd be upset and don't think it's ott at all. I'm glad the friend has strong boundaries.
I think you have misunderstood. I can understand why the friend is upset (I said that in my post) but her reaction is unnecessary and very immature. A simple honest message about being upset/disappointed would have been more of an appropriate response.
I didn't misunderstand.
You can be upset without being a dick about it, though.
I don't think she was being a dick about it though.
I'd have cut my loses over someone who doesn't respect my time.
There's no need for nasty messages from the now ex friend but I suspect there is more to the story or op has a done something in the past that she is not aware of and friend has had enough.

Sorry but blocking someone IMO is very immature and unnecessary. It isn't how adults behave.

maybe , maybe not.
A first maybe is a bit of a terrifying responsibility, no one knows how best to act.

You did your best to say you wouldn’t be on time, she was completely unreasonable, if not deranged.

She is no loss

Enjoy your baby

I don't think she was being a dick about it though.

Of course she was a dick. You don't block someone, unblock them to send a shitty message, then re-block them over something this minor.

Even if it was the straw that broke the camels' back in terms of behaviour, there are much better ways of dealing with it than going off in a strop.

If I was the friend, I would be pissed off too. She doesn’t have kids so may be less likely to be sympathetic, and just feels you are letting her down without reasonable grounds. You are in different places in your lives op. Either write this one off, or leave it a while then maybe see how it goes (she may reflect and relent, and you can decide if you want contact going forward).

This is what I think too

I completely dropped a friend (who didn’t have children) because she expected our friendship to not change after my baby was born and didn’t understand why I didn’t want to go out at short notice etc. I couldn’t be bothered after the umpteenth time of saying ‘sorry no I can’t do that’ and her getting mardy.

And I completely dropped a friend (actually several) after they had babies and ended up completely selfish and not making allowances for other peoples' time, life and commitments. I couldn't be bothered after re-arranging my shifts and calling in favours (I was a junior doctor) to meet her for coffee at a place convenient to her only for her to cancel and get mardy at me for not understanding that she had a baby blah blah blah. Although that particular friend didn't even contact me the year before when I was going through chemo so no loss.

Sorry but blocking someone IMO is very immature and unnecessary. It isn't how adults behave.
Are you joking? It's an everyday occurrence for many people to cut people who cause drama, are unreliable, broken trust etc out if their lives without having a confrontation that causes more drama.
I hasten to add ivd bever blocked anyone but the people I know tmthat have done it are better gor doing so. A click of a button and they get peace!

@notacooldad - I disagree. Those who block friends over quite small incidents may be adults in age alone as their behaviour says otherwise.

*I don't think she was being a dick about it though.

Of course she was a dick. You don't block someone, unblock them to send a shitty message, then re-block them over something this minor
I agree with you about the shitty messages.yes that is a dick move. I wouldn't have blocked but I would not bothered arranging again.

Sorry OP but I’m reading it where your friend travelled half an hour and then waited 15 minutes in the cafe where you’d agreed to meet at which point you cancelled the whole thing. She was understandably pissed off and started to make the journey back home when you text her again asking if she wanted to come to yours instead. It was pretty shitty behaviour on your part I’m afraid. I get that the baby was screaming but I don’t understand why you couldn’t text your friend or call her to let her know the situation as it was developing because even if you’d calmed the baby enough to go, you’d still be 45 minutes late.

It comes across to me as you don’t value her time so I can see why she’s upset. Having a baby absolutely excuses you for occasionally being late but not for being completely thoughtless.

I disagree. Those who block friends over quite small incidents may be adults in age alone as their behaviour says otherwise
At face value it may seem like a small incident, we don't know the whole story.
The people I know that have blocked someone it's usually because a seemingly trivial action from someone has been the final straw.

Cancelling much sooner would have been the adult thing to do by OP. It might even have meant no fallout.

I would be annoyed if I was on the way to meet someone and they cancelled last minute, simply because their baby was crying.

You made her drive 30mins for nothing and then she would have had to drive 30mins back, so an hour of her time wasted for nothing.

Its different if your baby was poorly or a different reason.

Blocking seems extreme but it was probably just the straw that broke the camels back.

I cant believe some of the responses.

You did nothing wrong . You have a new baby and things dont go to plan.
If an adult cannot cope with that then they probably are not worth you stressing over.
And the not being in touch much since pregnant and giving birth is normal . It's a huge life changing situation.
Haven't we all been on the way to meet some one and they have had to cancel? Or shown up late or changed the plan?
These things happen .