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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you move tables at a Cafe?

364 replies

Southlondoner88 · 07/07/2024 12:10

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

OP posts:
Allfur · 07/07/2024 12:13

Another thread about public verbal abuse, why are people so angry and abusive over such minor irritations!

Mrsttcno1 · 07/07/2024 12:17

She shouldn’t have spoken to you like that but I do think you’re unreasonable to take up a full booth for the sake of using the plug socket. Surely you don’t need your laptop plugged in all of the time so could have swapped seats? I did sometimes used to work in coffee shops while I was at uni but would always choose a seat where I wasn’t hogging a bigger space

Seeline · 07/07/2024 12:19

I don't see why going to a chain coffee shop means it's ok to occupy 4 seats, when you only need 1?

I also don't think people should be verbally abusive when asking for a seat.

I think you were both being unreasonable.

CallThatCloudy · 07/07/2024 12:19

Yeah, its a coffee shop, not an office.

CheeseWisely · 07/07/2024 12:20

Both unreasonable. You for hogging a big table (what difference is a coffee shop to a pub?) and them for being needlessly nasty.

ItsalwaysNovember · 07/07/2024 12:25

I was at the park with my dd last week she has ASD and needed to sit as was overwhelmed. There was one free bench so we sat there in the middle and my bag on one side of me. 2 women came over they had 3 children with them and stood about 30 cm in front of me and just stared ??!! So I ignored them till one said ‘we need to sit down’ I just stared at her and thought wtf you can see we are here and it’s obvious dd was having some difficulties. She tutted and they walked off !

skilpadde · 07/07/2024 12:31

I think you're feeling a bit shaky about it because on some level you know you were unreasonable. It makes sense for a single person to move out of a table/booth for 4 if there's more suitable seating and there isn't seating available for groups of 3 or 4. It would have caused you no hardship (using a charging point is a perk, not a right).

It's completely different to being asked to move from your booked seat on an aeroplane.

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 07/07/2024 12:41

YABU to be working in a coffee shop.

why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.
But even if two groups of 2-3 people sat in the seat YOU hogged for however long you were there (assuming you were there for a few hours) and spent £10 each, the would be better customers for the business than you sitting there for several hours only having one coffee and a panini.

She was right about the arrogance part tbh - although she shouldn't have called you a bitch.

sanogo · 07/07/2024 12:44

One person taking up a four seater booth is pretty selfish.

HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 12:47

She was needlessly rude and aggressive @Southlondoner88 , but you are being very unreasonable and you sound incredibly entitled. You had no right to take up a public booth for 4 in a coffee shop whilst you did your 'studies.' If I had been the woman I would have told the staff or the manager about this and put in a complaint. I am surprised that a member of staff didn't ask you to move to be honest. You sound very entitled, and yes, a bit arrogant.

IceCreamWoes · 07/07/2024 12:48

You are not being unreasonable, and I agree with all your points. It's a first come first served situation in those places, there were other seats available for them, you might have been more understanding if she was polite but she was a complete arse. Why would would you do her a favour? I'd have done the same (and needing a socket was a good enough reason anyway)

WaltzingWaters · 07/07/2024 12:48

Unless it was incredibly quiet there (which sounds like it wasn’t) you really shouldn’t have taken up such a big space to yourself. But they shouldn’t speak to you like that.

MasterBeth · 07/07/2024 12:50

Killingoffmyflowersonebyone · 07/07/2024 12:41

YABU to be working in a coffee shop.

why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.
But even if two groups of 2-3 people sat in the seat YOU hogged for however long you were there (assuming you were there for a few hours) and spent £10 each, the would be better customers for the business than you sitting there for several hours only having one coffee and a panini.

She was right about the arrogance part tbh - although she shouldn't have called you a bitch.

She is not unreasonable to be working in a coffee shop. It is a perfectly reasonable use of a coffee shop.

SleepingisanArt · 07/07/2024 12:51

So that's 3 seats that are earning zero income for the cafe whilst you spend hours working and having a coffee and maybe a lunch item. YABVU especially at a time where it is very hard in the hospitality industry. Just because they are a chain doesn't make it right - they still need income to pay their staff and suppliers (who will be screwed over long before shareholders or the bank if they have loans, which they will). If you want a quiet comfortable place for working then use flexible office space or the library.

Scammersarescum · 07/07/2024 12:52

Can people not read?

It was the only table available when the OP settled herself down and she's a paying customer.

Tsk tsk OP as soon as a less suitable table became available you should have leapt up and taken it. Women are expected to make themselves small in public and ignore their own needs and wants.

No way she would have said those things to a man.

MultiplaLight · 07/07/2024 12:52

Why's it OK for you to use a cafe as an office?

lunar1 · 07/07/2024 12:53

I wouldn't have called you names, but I would have thought them. Do your work at home if you can't compromise.

BingoMarieHeeler · 07/07/2024 12:53

YANBU. There was clearly another booth so they can sit there (obviously they can, they did). What a horrible, sour woman. Just feel sorry for her. Of course if she was nicer things might go better for her, as you said.

LordPercyPercy · 07/07/2024 12:54

Ideally you woulnd't be using a cafe as an office, as this costs businesses money. However there is no way it is reasonable to be rude and verbally abusive to a total stranger.

BingoMarieHeeler · 07/07/2024 12:55

MultiplaLight · 07/07/2024 12:52

Why's it OK for you to use a cafe as an office?

Why is it NOT OK for her to use it as an office? It’s not like she’s on loud calls. There are sockets for people to use so it’s not about costing the business money. Also it’s Nero, let’s not feel bad for them.

Have people really not noticed that there are always people working in cafes? 😄 as long as they’re buying, what’s the problem?

MultiplaLight · 07/07/2024 12:56

Using 1 seat and buying stuff, borderline OK.

Taking up 4 seats is not OK.

Mylovelygreendress · 07/07/2024 12:56

Allfur · 07/07/2024 12:13

Another thread about public verbal abuse, why are people so angry and abusive over such minor irritations!

A few days ago DH and I went to a local coffee shop which wasn’t very busy . We sat at a table for 2 near the window and ordered coffee and cake .
We were chatting when 2 women approached us and “ could you move please ,we always sit here !”
There were lots of other tables available so I said no. They stood for a few moments telling each other how rude we were !
Bizarre .,

Babadook76 · 07/07/2024 12:59

MasterBeth · 07/07/2024 12:50

She is not unreasonable to be working in a coffee shop. It is a perfectly reasonable use of a coffee shop.

But she is extremely unreasonable for taking up a four seater booth so she could plug her laptop into the cafes socket. I wonder how long she was there, what food and drink she bought and whether she offered any money for the use of their electric

SofiaSoFar · 07/07/2024 13:01

The rude woman was lucky you were as passive as you were.

I wouldn't have let her get away with speaking to me like that. She's obviously been lucky so far in her dealings with her fellow citizens, but her luck will run out.

DysmalRadius · 07/07/2024 13:02

MultiplaLight · 07/07/2024 12:56

Using 1 seat and buying stuff, borderline OK.

Taking up 4 seats is not OK.

How is using one seat and buying stuff in a coffeeshop only 'borderline ok' when it is literally the only reason for coffee shops to exist.