Would you move tables at a Cafe?

[Southlondoner88]

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

Probably because there were two of them, one of whom was somebody with ASD who was feeling overwhelmed and needed a bit of a break. Most people with some vague sense of empathy would have spotted that and left them to it.

I don’t go to coffee shops these days, so I’ve never seen people using them as offices, having Teams meetings etc, so I have a question for those of you who have seen this. Do the people using the coffee shop as an office get cross with the normal coffee shop noise and bustle? Are they expecting an ‘office’ atmosphere in their local Starbucks, and getting pissed off if the local,NCT mums and babies are at the next table, for example?

Just curious.

I don't go to coffeeshops very often but I would imagine there is a balance.

Quiet time, someone buying a coffee and reading/working no issue.
Busy time, pressure for tables for people spending money then buying a coffee and sitting there for 2 or 3 hours not really OK.

We don't know how long OP was there, how much she spent, how busy it was (sounds like the group of 3 had to pull up a chair to a smaller table)

So I find it hard to come down on one side or the other but there is no need for rudeness or aggression but I don't think it is worth dwelling on it now.

I think it's the length of time OP planned to be there. Go in buy a coffee or two, work for the day. If everyone did it there'd be no coffee shops open. I once went in a independant coffee shop as a group and the owner/ manager asked a man who'd taken up a booth with a broadsheet and a coffee to move as there was only tables for two. He was annoyed as he was there first but moved.

We didn't ask him too and were turning round to leave.

TBF I've done it in my student days. There used to be a big table in the local starbucks with lots of plugs, if you were staying to study that's where you sat leaving the upholstered seats for the lunchtime/ shopping crowd.

I do think people have become less adept at following social conventions. More likely to become abusive too. It's interesting to me as I deal with refuse collection complaints for my local council. There's definitely been a shift in the way people talk / act. I'm generally lovely and go and see all the serial complainers face to face and try my best to resolve things. My bosses (all male) think it's because people don't shout at/ abuse women. Not sure about that one!

tbh I would have just sat down at the table if there was otherwise no availability.

YANBU as it was the only seat free when you first arrived. In our local Wetherspoons we often go out as a 3 and a lot of the 4 person tables are often taken up by 2 people. I don't blame them as there probably weren't any 2 person tables free when they arrived. It's just life I'm afraid.

They were definitely being U for being so precious and rude to you

im a people pleaser too and to be honest we all have our limits sometimes. It just so happens this was yours. It was a minor inconvenience to them and it may make her think about how she approaches people in future. Nobody died. They got a seat. You stood your ground. I don’t think it's any deeper than that.

She couldn't be bothered to say please, and you were there first.

Don't worry about it. She was ignorant, entitled and rude.

It wasn't the only seat free, it was the only seat free that she fancied.

See this is also unreasonable to my mind lol
You could have sat on one end with bag on floor, dd on the end, you as the buffer then room for other kids.

In coffee shop scenario both unreasonable, you for hogging seats op and then for being rude

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

YANBU.

And yes, going by my experience, a woman on her own is much more likely to be asked to move, or share, or otherwise inconvenience herself. And be treated badly if she dares to refuse.

Couples tend to get a free pass for taking up proportionately more room.

Somehow, very few people expect that men will move ....

What a strange comment. You would be in a coffee shop. Whether somebody else is working or sat chatting to their mates, reading a book or staring off into the void of existential dread is absolutely none of your business.

Two people don’t need an entire bench - she could have shuffled down and moved her bag off to share. How can you tell if someone has ASD and needs a break? And why does that person trump the other children/adults that also need a sit down and a break?

why would someone else sitting on the spare seat on the bench be a problem?

So you’re telling us that a (normally sought after) large booth was literally the only place to sit for you but there were loads of spare seats when they came in?

ESH. Unless you were in the middle of eating your lunch, of course.
You say it was the only seat at the time so use it and leave. If you're planning an extended stay, you need to have moved to some space more appropriate. How much did you buy? Would a library not have been more suitable? An independent cafe could be relying on the income a table of 3 generates - not a 'one coffee every 3 hours' pseudo office worker. The other woman, though, needs to learn grace and manners!

This, and also it doesn't matter if she did put her bag on the bench or not. There wasn't room for the 5 people either way

She, called you, an arrogant bitch 😆 You did right not to move.

It trumps them because they got to the bench first!

Maybe their children also had ASD???

Perhaps try your local library next time, taking up a both was a bit selfish but that woman was incredibly rude to you.

Most people with half an ounce of sense would be able to tell by looking at somebody that they were Not Doing Okay and could use a bit of space.

And their needs trump that of the other people because they were occupying the bench first. I'm sure there were other places the newcommers could have found to have a sit down.

No, but there’s room for much more than two. I dunno, I just find it odd. Where I come from in my culture we always share the benches and public spaces, even with strangers. It’s just the “done” thing to shuffle down and let someone else enjoy a break too. Benches are for bums, not bags. Nice to share.

but I can see I’m alone.

And it’s unlikely the bench could have sat 7 people

My husband has a back injury, lives on morphine but never leaves him painfree. He's a strapping big bloke. We often end up standing because someone's bag needs a seat. He won't make a fuss but it drives me mad. Happened last week when we were waiting for a train, people so selfish. It wouldn't matter if they could only free up one seat as he is the one who needs it, I can happily stand so saying there wouldn't be room for both of us is irrelevant.

But they didn’t say ‘can my child sit there please’, they said ‘we need to sit down’ which sounds like they were expecting the poster to move away so they could all sit.