Would you move tables at a Cafe?

[Southlondoner88]

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

As a regular customer to coffee shops, I find it incredibly annoying when someone is solo working at a table for 4, hogging the whole space, on Zoom calls, nursing an empty cup for a long time and I can’t find anywhere to sit down. Just because I don't complain doesn’t mean I like it.

So what? If the two women could sit down they could have children on their laps and maybe one of them really needs to sit down and the other 4 don't. Unless it's your own bench don't hog it.

How big a bench are you imagining? In my local park they are only big enough for three people, like any garden bench.

There is no harm in polite asking if someone can move their bag

Sorry do you own a coffee shop?

a very close friend of mine does and without the wfh crowd it would be empty in between breakfast and lunch,

it is not up to you who gets to occupy tables in a coffee shop

Have you ever just sat down to share their table? I just wondered how people take that, particularly if you ask for some space on the table (or is it a desk?)

If none of them could sit down without the poster moving her bag, it was not a big bench. You can’t cram in next to strangers on a park bench.

No reason for you to move at all. She sounds unhinged

I have assumed the other person is in the UK. Benches in cities tend to have the anti-homelessness armrests so it would be pretty hard to block an entire bench of 4 or more seats, but most of the wooden park benches that I can think of seat two people comfortably (yes with room for a handbag too) but certainly not much more than that. Either way, it is unusual in my experience for people in the UK to share a bench with strangers, unless there is a ton of room for both parties plus a bit of space between both for some nominal sense of privacy.

No and I'd do it, he hates drawing attention to his condition but to be fair if a couple in their 70s are obviously looking for a seat, one is on two sticks and there's room on your bench wouldn't you think of moving your bag?

Would you feel the same way if someone came into a coffee shop and started filming for their only fans page?

Exactly! Which isn't what the two adults and three children in the park did.

I'm in the UK, we always make room to share a bench if someone is obviously looking to sit down. Sometimes they don't want to share and move off but we always make it clear we would share, we don't own the bench or even rent it.

I wish people would stop using coffee shops as an office and that more would ban laptops.

But that said, it still doesn't give people carte blanche to be abusive, annoying as people like you are. That's never OK in a situation like this.

Only read the first page. I can't believe the responses. There were other seats, so you had every right to keeping your booth.

And those that say the business is losing money from the empty seats, it's Cafe Nero, not an independent, they can absorb it. And no one cares if you want to work/study for hours. These cafes are very happy to take the money off people who work in the cafe or else they wouldn't provide WiFi or charging points. I say this as someone who used to work for a big chain coffee shop.

Oh. The UK sounds quite a cold and unfriendly place. Rich people building in preventatives for people who have to sleep rough, to have to sleep on the dirt instead of a bench. Needing to be distant and separate and “private” from their other countrymen even in places designed for them all to mix and share.

Can't you see a difference between somebody working quietly on their laptop and somebody in a public space in lingerie or less?

(Although people going to public spaces to take loud phone or zoom calls are the worst! I find one side of a conversation MUCH harder to filter out of my awareness than two or more people chatting.)

@pasturesgreen @ImCamembertTheBigCheese this is exactly why I had an inkling to not comply I think. There was an air of entitlement in her tone as if I should have jumped up as soon as she graced my shoulder with her fingertips, definitely a bully and isn’t used to the word no. I am going to agree that maybe I should have tried harder to get a two seater myself but at the same time I think it’s rude to interrupt someone who has got there first and was clearly busy espeially since it’s just a chain and they only wanted it for a few minutes

also the people commenting about how I shouldn’t be working there, I don’t see how this is relevant to the interaction here, I’d imagine they weren’t bothered about me studying and would have still bothered me whether I was there with a laptop or not.

Yes you can. The poster said they were in the middle of the bench with her bag on one side so there must have been space on the other side, so move her bag and move up and the two adults or a child who is feeling unwell/overwhelmed can sit down.

Exactly.

And people are overlooking the fact that the booths/tables have features besides how many arses they might (not must) accommodate.

Location, lighting, acoustics, tabletop size, availability of socket or WiFi all are characteristics that suit different needs. It isn't necessary to fill the max number of seats to be legitimately using a particular table.

If it were a mother with a baby in a sling instead of a laptop, using the socket to charge her phone, I bet no one would complain. Or a couple looking at a map or paperwork.

But as usual, a solo woman is expected to inconvenience herself for the convenience of others.

It's tiresome beyond words.

Forget her. Shitty types like her don’t deserve any headspace. If it wasn’t full and there were spare seats available, then you weren’t being remotely unreasonable. It’s a chain coffee shop so first come, first served.

She was being a bully trying to get you to move when you were clearly settled and downright nasty when she left, so I wouldn’t have blamed you if you’d replied ‘fuck you and all who sail in you” to her when she left.

If someone tries to hassle me when I’m minding my own business, I tend to say slightly odd things to them. It stops them in their tracks usually as they’re not expecting that. I can often have a bit of fun winding them up with my nonsense drivel. 😂

Good luck with your exams! 🤞

What a disgusting way to speak to somebody. Who does she think she is?

I would have been tempted to pretend to video her. Or call a manager. I swear people were not as rude and abusive 10 years ago.

Totally agree with you. I would never ask if I could share a booth with one person in it (even though I might privately fume about them taking up four seats!). What rude people.

She was completely unreasonable calling you a bitch, who does that??

Sounds like she might have been having a bad day but really, really awful behaviour. Sorry it shook you up. I think it would most people. No-one expects that kind of thing from a trip to a cafe.

I’m really glad you didn’t give up your seat to such a vile person.