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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you move tables at a Cafe?

364 replies

Southlondoner88 · 07/07/2024 12:10

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

OP posts:
VotesForWomen · 07/07/2024 14:13

TheAlchemistElixa · 07/07/2024 14:06

Oh. The UK sounds quite a cold and unfriendly place. Rich people building in preventatives for people who have to sleep rough, to have to sleep on the dirt instead of a bench. Needing to be distant and separate and “private” from their other countrymen even in places designed for them all to mix and share.

We certainly aren't as gregarious with strangers as other countries, that's correct. I wouldn't say we are a cold and unfriendly bunch, but I can see why a visitor from e.g. Spain or Greece could get that impression.

I can't even get started on what I think of anti-homelessness benches (google "hostile architecture" if you really want to be horrified) and the councils who would rather spend money on those things than addressing homelessness :(

MartyFunkhouser · 07/07/2024 14:13

You were selfish but the other woman sounds like a loon. Who gets that nasty over something so trivial?

Drfosters · 07/07/2024 14:15

MultiplaLight · 07/07/2024 12:56

Using 1 seat and buying stuff, borderline OK.

Taking up 4 seats is not OK.

But it was the only table free when she came in. Are you saying that she should not have sat anywhere because she was on her own? Was she supposed to move mid drink if a 2 person table came up? But then she would be taking up a table 2 people should sit at?

AhBiscuits · 07/07/2024 14:15

It's a public coffee shop and not your private office. If you need to focus you were in the wrong place. The tables are for consuming your food and drink and then you leave.

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 07/07/2024 14:15

As a family we might only look like 3 people. What you cannot see is that our son is severely autistic and can be disruptive, so we find it easier to "trap" him in a booth between a parent and the wall/end. We'd have asked you to move. But we'd have been polite and explained that we need the booth for our son's safety.

Southlondoner88 · 07/07/2024 14:15

@BettyBardMacDonald I couldn’t have said it better myself, I probably chose it for all these reasons subconsciously and why wouldn’t I? I was a paying customer and I got there first. Anyway, I must leave this thread now, I wish I had time to stay on here all day and vent, would much rather that than study.

OP posts:
Southlondoner88 · 07/07/2024 14:16

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 07/07/2024 14:15

As a family we might only look like 3 people. What you cannot see is that our son is severely autistic and can be disruptive, so we find it easier to "trap" him in a booth between a parent and the wall/end. We'd have asked you to move. But we'd have been polite and explained that we need the booth for our son's safety.

I would have moved for you most likely.

OP posts:
Areolaborealis · 07/07/2024 14:16

OP, you were entitled to occupy one seat within the booth so you didn't have to move. if it was me, and this crazy family insisted on sitting right next to me when other seats were available, I would have just moved my bag and hoped they didn't stay long. I wouldn't have changed seats though - first some, first served - unless in exceptional circumstances such as to accommodate someone with a disability or service dog.

HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 14:17

MasterBeth · 07/07/2024 12:50

She is not unreasonable to be working in a coffee shop. It is a perfectly reasonable use of a coffee shop.

She is not being 'unreasonable' when she's taking up the space of FOUR people for several hours!

HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 14:19

Areolaborealis · 07/07/2024 14:16

OP, you were entitled to occupy one seat within the booth so you didn't have to move. if it was me, and this crazy family insisted on sitting right next to me when other seats were available, I would have just moved my bag and hoped they didn't stay long. I wouldn't have changed seats though - first some, first served - unless in exceptional circumstances such as to accommodate someone with a disability or service dog.

LOL, you really think 'moving your bag' would have made people leave? I would have just shoved your bag out of the way if you did this to me.

flyingcats · 07/07/2024 14:19

bagginsatbagend · 07/07/2024 13:41

Why should your preference take precedent over other people’s preference? You have the choice to go elsewhere if you don’t like the clientele, you do not have the right to dictate how a business is run because of your personal preference

You are right, I will go elsewhere. I don’t want the atmosphere of an office, and if the owners want that it’s up to them.

Outliers · 07/07/2024 14:19

Don't let a small interaction have a greater impact on your day

shuggles · 07/07/2024 14:20

Woman was an asshole, but isn't there a library close to you OP?

Areolaborealis · 07/07/2024 14:20

HungryLittleCrocodile · 07/07/2024 14:19

LOL, you really think 'moving your bag' would have made people leave? I would have just shoved your bag out of the way if you did this to me.

No, moved my bag so they could sit down next to me if they so insist.

viques · 07/07/2024 14:20

You were entitled taking up a whole booth to yourself, the coffee shop is a business not an office or a library.

And here’s some advice, if you are studying “intensely” then a much better strategy than packing all your stuff up and moving to a different location is to take yourself out of the place you are studying and give your brain a chance to recharge and absorb. So go for a walk or even go to a coffee shop ( without the laptop), then come back to your studies. Twenty minutes or half an hour will do, but it is enough to recharge your mental energy.

Our brains are amazing things, they carry on working even when we are doing other things. Ever gone to sleep thinking of a puzzle or a problem and woken up with the solution - that’s because your brain carries on while you are asleep.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/07/2024 14:21

shuggles · 07/07/2024 14:20

Woman was an asshole, but isn't there a library close to you OP?

OP has already explained that the library is shut on Sundays

MikeRafone · 07/07/2024 14:21

It amazes me that some people haven't cottoned on to the fact if you want a favour from someone - don't be a dick to them first. You're very unlikely to get what you want if you act like a twat towards someone.

Whatabonkersworld · 07/07/2024 14:22

Allfur · 07/07/2024 12:13

Another thread about public verbal abuse, why are people so angry and abusive over such minor irritations!

Because some people are entitled arseholes who seem to think it's all about them. It's a sad state of affairs.

Charlize43 · 07/07/2024 14:22

I despair at the lack of kindness displayed these days.

A few weeks ago I witnessed a much younger woman (20s) screaming and repeatedly calling another woman a 'fcking btch' on a bus. I was much further back, so I didn't witness what it was about, but did notice that the woman being screamed at was very frail looking, around 80 years old and was wearing two hearing aids. She was very still the whole time, but looked terrified.

When did people become so nasty to each other? What happened to respect for your elders? Why are women so uncouth and aggressive these days? Is it the general attitude of 'boomer bashing'?

Delatron · 07/07/2024 14:25

The way I’m reading it is that there were other tables with enough chairs available? They just wanted a booth? If so then she was being unreasonable. You were there first and she could sit elsewhere with her family.

She was rude - and it’s true if a man was sat there working she would’ve have been so aggressive. She’s lucky you were passive. I wouldn’t give it another thought though.

timenowplease · 07/07/2024 14:25

🤣 at all the people in this thread who've never been to a modern coffee shop and don't realise the seats are always occupied by single people on Apple devices working away.

There was somewhere else for them to sit and they should have sat there. End of story.

Bluesavannahsky · 07/07/2024 14:26

Well aren’t you entitled. A cafe is not an office. Go and do your work at home instead of hogging a family table.

BettyBardMacDonald · 07/07/2024 14:27

JenniferAllisonPhillipaSue · 07/07/2024 14:15

As a family we might only look like 3 people. What you cannot see is that our son is severely autistic and can be disruptive, so we find it easier to "trap" him in a booth between a parent and the wall/end. We'd have asked you to move. But we'd have been polite and explained that we need the booth for our son's safety.

Or you could have found another cafe that suited your needs.

Your desire to confine your child doesn't trump her need to work, in a first-come, first-served situation.

Would you have asked a couple or threesome to vacate the booth for your convenience?

BrighterEyes · 07/07/2024 14:28

I think you were both in the wrong.

She was incredibly rude and out of order. She wasn't right.

However, I also think you were in a little world of your own and hogging 4 seats was unreasonable.

I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain,

There is no difference surely between a chain of cafes and a chain of pubs.

Idontjetwashthefucker · 07/07/2024 14:28

Bluesavannahsky · 07/07/2024 14:26

Well aren’t you entitled. A cafe is not an office. Go and do your work at home instead of hogging a family table.

No she isn't, she was there first and it doesn't matter if she was working or not...she was there first. It's not a problem with the staff so you can sit where you like

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