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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Would you move tables at a Cafe?

364 replies

Southlondoner88 · 07/07/2024 12:10

So I’m inclined to say before I begin that maybe I was being a bit unreasonable but with good reason.

I am studying for really intense exams this week, had to get myself out of the house before I go insane so I came to a local Cafe Nero to do some work and have lunch. I chose a booth for 4 people partly because it was the only seat available when I first came in that looked comfortable and in the quiet area down the back. I would never sit at large booth on my own if this was a restaurant or a pub but it’s a chain, a lot of people do this and I see it all the time.

I was in deep intense study, earphones on, feeling great about myself and my productivity when a woman with her husband and adult child (I’m assuming) came to tap me on the shoulder. She asked if I could sit in the booth on the other side of me, there no please, excuse me or even a smile. I thought about it for a second, this is something I would normally agree to, I have previously swapped bus seats or airplane seats so children can sit together etc and would normally do this without being asked. If they were elderly or had toddlers/ babies or even if they just seemed nice I may have moved as I am a genuinely a nice person(people pleaser). However, after a quick scan of the situation, I politely declined and said I need this booth as there’s a charging socket here. I also didn’t really think they absolutely needed it, there were other seats/ tables free but I guess they wanted a booth. I also might have been persuaded if she was polite but I found her tone quite rude from the beginning and I was proved right because as soon as I declined, she said ‘so your just going to take up a booth because you need to charge your laptop?’ I then just said no again and turned away to which I was then called an ‘arrogant bitch.’ They clearly wanted an argument so I tried to ignore. They sat down at the booth in question and just pulled another seat over so it’s not as if they had nowhere to sit. They also sat there for no longer than 10 minutes and when they left, the woman turned to me and said ‘ hope you have a really shit rest of the day,’ again in a very aggressive tone.

I just think wow, it’s a public, chain cafe where seats are first come, first serve.. why on earth would you even bother someone clearly busy and comfortable when you only wanted to sit there for 10 minutes.

Also I’m not the only one here who is taking up extra space, there’s a couple opposite me sitting at a table for 6. I don’t know why they targeted me, probably because I’m a lone woman and look quite young for my age (been told this and still get ID’d in my 30’s.

it’s really annoyed me and I felt a bit shaky as I hate confrontation.

sorry excessively long post but think it needed context!

OP posts:
SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 10/07/2024 19:09

@IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle - you are absolutely right - perhaps another poster said something about how much they had spent while working in a cafe, and I conflated the two. I shall apologise profusely, and slink off to wallow in my bafflement.

BettyBardMacDonald · 10/07/2024 19:26

IHaveNeverLivedintheCastle · 10/07/2024 16:29

Bollocks.

I'm regularly in cafes etc on my own. I can't imagine being so rude as to expect another party to split up just because I want a table of 4 all to myself to nurse a cup of coffee.

But that is my point - the booth has multiple purposes other than as a "table for 4."

It's also a table with a socket, and a table large enough for someone's study materials. It's multi-purpose and not just for seating four people. I am sure over the years many parties of 1, 2 and 3 also have enjoyed that table without being asked to give it up.

I would bet that if a couple or a man were using it, the other diners would not have made a fuss. But solo people are expected to defer, even when doing so would inconvenience them. Let the foursome take two tables for two if need be. Their desire to socialize doesn't outweigh OP's stake in a first-come, first-served situation.

YellowAsteroid · 11/07/2024 06:49

But again, privilege of the coupled/familied, who always expect their wants to automatically outweigh those of the solo/childfree.

Indeed - especially if the solo person is a woman.

Aria999 · 12/07/2024 03:24

YellowAsteroid · 11/07/2024 06:49

But again, privilege of the coupled/familied, who always expect their wants to automatically outweigh those of the solo/childfree.

Indeed - especially if the solo person is a woman.

I don't think anyone would expect a solo person to leave the cafe if there were no other tables available! But it's reasonable to feel that a solo person might move to a smaller table to help a big group find a space. I would always do this if I was on my own.

Aria999 · 12/07/2024 03:26

@BettyBardMacDonald nah her laptop isn't going to die immediately. They do have a battery.

OutsideLookingOut · 12/07/2024 06:46

Aria999 · 12/07/2024 03:24

I don't think anyone would expect a solo person to leave the cafe if there were no other tables available! But it's reasonable to feel that a solo person might move to a smaller table to help a big group find a space. I would always do this if I was on my own.

Even if there are other free tables for groups available?

RunningThroughMyHead · 12/07/2024 07:01

She approached the situation wrongly and she absolutely shouldn't have sworn at you or spoke aggressively.

But I agree with a pp, cafes aren't for working. They aren't workstations or hubs. They're places to purchase drinks and food, consume them, chat a little then go. 10 minutes is a normal time to do that.

Sitting for hours at a booth over a coffee and a panini (or whatever) isn't what it's intended for.

Either find a library, or study at home. YABU.

letsgoooo · 12/07/2024 07:41

RunningThroughMyHead · 12/07/2024 07:01

She approached the situation wrongly and she absolutely shouldn't have sworn at you or spoke aggressively.

But I agree with a pp, cafes aren't for working. They aren't workstations or hubs. They're places to purchase drinks and food, consume them, chat a little then go. 10 minutes is a normal time to do that.

Sitting for hours at a booth over a coffee and a panini (or whatever) isn't what it's intended for.

Either find a library, or study at home. YABU.

Wow. I didn't know there were cafe supervisors on MN

You seem to have peculiar rules about cafes

A) no they aren't only for 10 min trips. Many people have hour long meet ups
B) people eat lunch in cafes. They don't just have a quick coffee
C) people go on first dates to cafes and can be there an hour to two
D) toddler groups meet at cafes and can be there for a whole morning.
E) some cafes like the one in question specifically provide plugs for laptops for customers to use as workstations. Why do you think they have done this if that's not what they want?
F) some cafes provide WiFi passwords so people can work in them.

Oh, and the big one........get ready for the mic drop....

G) if they didn't want you using them to work in, they wouldn't put this on their social media 🤣🤣🤣

Would you move tables at a Cafe?
letsgoooo · 12/07/2024 07:46

KreedKafer · 09/07/2024 12:29

You're both in the wrong. You're in the wrong for treating a coffee shop like an office, and she was in the wrong for being rude to you.

It is selfish to take up a booth for four people when there are smaller tables available and people in larger groups are stuck with nowhere to sit. She was a twat in the way she asked you, absolutely. It's not OK for her to be rude. But you also can't possibly expect other people to give a shit about your exams and your productivity and to accommodate your study needs in public spaces.

If it is wrong to work from a cafe, why would they post this on their social media? 🙄

There were other big tables. What's rude is people wanting you to move because they specifically like the look of the table you are using when there are other suitable tables.

Would you move tables at a Cafe?
RunningThroughMyHead · 12/07/2024 07:47

letsgoooo · 12/07/2024 07:41

Wow. I didn't know there were cafe supervisors on MN

You seem to have peculiar rules about cafes

A) no they aren't only for 10 min trips. Many people have hour long meet ups
B) people eat lunch in cafes. They don't just have a quick coffee
C) people go on first dates to cafes and can be there an hour to two
D) toddler groups meet at cafes and can be there for a whole morning.
E) some cafes like the one in question specifically provide plugs for laptops for customers to use as workstations. Why do you think they have done this if that's not what they want?
F) some cafes provide WiFi passwords so people can work in them.

Oh, and the big one........get ready for the mic drop....

G) if they didn't want you using them to work in, they wouldn't put this on their social media 🤣🤣🤣

Dramatic.

letsgoooo · 12/07/2024 07:52

@RunningThroughMyHead

Dramatic
Aren't I just 😂

YellowAsteroid · 12/07/2024 13:22

Aria999 · 12/07/2024 03:24

I don't think anyone would expect a solo person to leave the cafe if there were no other tables available! But it's reasonable to feel that a solo person might move to a smaller table to help a big group find a space. I would always do this if I was on my own.

But there WERE other tables which could have accommodated the rude party.

Aria999 · 12/07/2024 13:24

I agree the ride party was being unreasonable here, I was responding to posters who said a group should split up rather than ask a solo person if they minded moving.

Aria999 · 12/07/2024 13:24

*rude not ride

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